an accident

I don't think there is anything worse than seeing your child get hurt because of your negligence. Of course, most of the time nothing is done on purpose and it's amazing how it only takes a blink of an eye for an accident to happen.

Yesterday, we had just finished supper and I was just wiping off Gemma's hands with some wipes. I had pulled the tray out a bit, but it was still on the sliders. I took literally one step away from the high chair to say something to my mom and the next thing you know, Gemma is on the floor, her head under her, and screaming. I had pulled the tray a notch too far and it was no longer locked and she just leaned forward and basically fell right out. 

in that instant i thought her neck was broken, the way she was on the floor. I picked her up and tried to console her with my own tears welling up. She cried for a bit, but she eventually got over it. I, on the other hand, felt awful and kept playing that image of her in my head over and over again. I couldn't get over how stupid that was of me to step away, even if it was just for a second. What was I thinking??? 

Anyways, after much reassurance from Jesse and my mom, I finally got over it, but it made me feel like the worst mom in the world. I know accidents happen and kids grow up without permanent damage (most of the time), but it still hurts like hell to know that happened because of my negligence. 

but i think Gemma's forgiven me...