A Mother's Love

I don't know if Gemma is starting to sense some kind of impending change in her life, but the last week or so she has been very attached to me. She only wants me to come get her when she wakes up. She only wants me to put her down. She only wants me to hold her. If my mom or Jesse come near her, she shakes her head "no". And while she is still very independent in her day, she comes to me for cuddles here and there, which she never used to do. She is really loving the cuddles these days actually and just wants to lay on me while i recline back. Since the day she was born, she was never much of a cuddler, so i can't help but to think she's trying to get in all the "love" before this new change occurs. 

and i'm a total sucker for it. how could i not be? I love watching her little face as she relaxes on my chest, totally looking content with the world. When she looks up at me with those big brown eyes, my heart melts instantly. So i've been paying for this a little because she wants to cuddle more or fall asleep while cuddling instead of going to bed/sleep on her own like she used to. 

Today, while i held her and sat in the rocker trying to put her down for her nap, i had a bit of an epiphany of sorts. My heart overflows with love for Gemma, like i never knew was possible. I never imagined i could love another being as much as this. Before i had her, i thought Jesse took up all the room in my heart and i had no space for anything/anyone else (and now it's Jesse fighting for room, LOL... jk)... then I realized this is how much MY mom loves me from the day I was born. Then i suddenly felt so bad having put her through such heartache in my late teenage years. I can't imagine what that must have felt like.

so I'm sorry, mom. and I love you. I hope Gemma is a much nicer daughter than I am/was and that i won't have to experience what my mom had to experience many years ago...