The First Few Days

As you know, Leni was born on Thursday morning and we were discharged home on Friday morning (she wasn't even 24 hours old yet). I was so very anxious to go home as this time the nurses really got on my nerves. They were nice and all, but even though I had explained to them over and over again that I was anticipating nursing troubles and didn't want to stress about it and that I had a plan for nursing once I got home, they would not leave me alone. I was eager to get home to start feeding my baby without being constantly pecked at by these crazy women...

You may know that I have had tremendous issues nursing Gemma in the first few weeks until I got the help of a nipple shield. Then, i was able to nurse her until she was 5 months, at which point i no longer needed the shield, and then I weaned her at 10 months when I went back to work. 

Well once again, the nipple shield is just what the doctor ordered. Leni is a very sluggish and drowsy little feeder and the biggest challenge right now is trying to keep her awake. She also at first was quite resistant to the silicone (and won't even take a soother as much as I try), but she is getting better at recognizing that this thing equals food. 

Leni sleeps SOOOO much. I really honestly don't remember Gemma being this sleepy, but it could just be that I have forgotten. Unfortunately, her little spurt of alertness seems to come at night, which is exhausting for Jesse and me. 

and how's Gemma doing? She really is intrigued by her sister and seeing her always makes Gemma smile. If she hears that we are going to change Leni, she brings us one of her old diapers. We try to make sure that one of us grownups is always focused on Gemma, so she doesn't feel left out in any way. Unfortunately, the strict Korean postpartum rituals that my mom has imposed upon me doesn't allow for much when it comes to me spending time with Gemma - no picking her up, no going outside. And she has shown the classic symptom of older sibling regression by peeing her pants three times in the last 2 days when she hasn't had an accident in weeks.

I have to tell you that I feel tremendously guilty whenever Gemma asks me to pick her up and I can't or she specifically wants me to come with her to show me something or do something with her when I am nursing Leni and I can't go with her. Each pee accident makes me think I've caused her to do that and I wonder if she feels betrayed by me. Yesterday, she came out of the bathroom after going potty and when i started to applaud her, she came RUNNING towards me yelling "umma (mom)" and gave me the biggest, tightest hug. Maybe it's the postpartum hormones, but I couldn't stop crying after that. 

Anyways, I should try to get some rest while both kids are napping.