Stress

I'm sorry to vent, but I had to do it somewhere.

These last few weeks, i've been feeling overwhelmingly stressed. Last night, i finally had a mini mental breakdown. I didn't realize how stressed i was until I started talking it out.

Work. I am so incredibly lucky to have this job. It lets me work from home, I can see Gemma whenever I want, and I have a flexible schedule of just having to work 7 hours in a 12-hour period. I also really enjoy the work I do; it really is my cup of tea. And while i really can and do see Gemma whenever I want, the fact that I have to sit here and work is really bothering me. Stupid, I know.... but now it's really starting to affect my productivity (i've gone from the 3rd most productive to now the 7th - out of 37)...

Family (extended). I feel like for some reason I need to tiptoe so much around some of my extended family. I have some vocal relatives (who i love to death) that don't seem to really understand my decisions for my family and instead gets or may get offended by my decisions. I don't want any hurt feelings and I don't want any fights, but I also want to do what i think is best for my immediate family... is that so wrong?

Family (immediate). I have some guilt about my mom watching Gemma. I feel like my mom's already raised her own kids and now she should just be able to be "grandma". I feel bad that I have to work and that she has to watch Gemma. I can't express enough, however, how grateful I am to have her here. My problem here is that I am stressed about the possibility of making my mom stressed. I hate seeing my mom stressed. But so far, she says she is fine and seems that way...

Money. I've only gotten one paycheck since returning to work and Jesse is now on EI as he is at school. Christmas and Gemma's party are coming up in the next 2 months and while we prepared for those, i still feel overwhelmed. On top of it all, my HR lady/my department manager told me i didn't have to contact EI after coming back to work and now I owe the government $1400 in EI overpayment. Awesome.

Friends. I don't think i was meant to have friends. Close friends, anyway. All my life I've been the third wheel of two best friends and i hate it. I feel like this is going to happen again and I want to just not bother with friendships anymore. I also don't know how to balance friendships - i put too much of myself into some and i don't put enough of myself into others...

Some of this sounds so petty, right? I know there are bigger problems in the world... suck it up... suck it up...