#2 Update

This pregnancy is starting to hit me. I am so bloated, it's crazy. My pants are so tight and it's hard to breathe at times. I don't remember being this bloated with Gemma - not this early anyway. But this has been going on for over a week already.

Today, I'm feeling tired. My mom has been so gracious and letting me sleep in the morning if Gemma wakes up earlier than usual. I don't know what I would do without her, really.

Smells are becoming an issue also. This weekend I was at Michaels and was so bothered by the smell, I had a huge headache by the time we left. We've been at Michaels like on a weekly basis for the past 2 months and I never had this problem until Sunday.

I also noticed my appetite is changing. Maybe it's because I'm so bloated and not feeling hungry, but I don't want to eat a lot of the time. I'm not nauseous or anything yet and am not having cravings yet either, but I definitely have a different outlook towards food right now.

What a Baby...

Gemma is feeling much better now. She is back to her old self. Her drooling has subsided and she is no longer crying out at night. The only thing is her runny nose is turning into more of a stuffy nose as the snot hardens up, so she is having a hard time breathing while drinking, eating, etc.

But she sure got used to being really babied in the last few days. I can't help but baby her when she is feeling under the weather, so I rocked her to sleep, I cuddled her lots, I let her do what she wanted and eat what she wanted.

Already this morning she had two big fits over me not letting her do what she wanted (like play with my keyboard and mouse while I'm trying to work). She whines a lot and makes a pouty face over everything, thinking that might change our minds.... and of course daddy falls of all of her little faces, but mommy - mommy knows. and it's not as easy with mommy... LOL.

Perfect

that is the word i will use to describe this evening. 

The day didn't start out that way. In fact, we had a semi-rough night last night with Gemma frequently crying out from her sleep. The first time was around 10:30 PM. I was hoping she would just fall back asleep, so i ignored her for a little while. She kept crying out, however - and not like a screaming cry, not a sobbing cry, and not a "i need you right this instant" kind of cry. It was more like a low moany cry, but she kept on instead of falling back asleep. When I went into her room, I expected her to be sitting up or standing holding on to the crib rail. Instead, she was on her side - sleeping, but still moaning and crying. So i don't know if she was just having a sad dream or what. I left and went back to bed (but couldn't fall back asleep), but Gemma kept moaning on and off. 

A little while later, I went back in because she was still crying out. She was on her back, on top of my robe (which she sleeps with). So I took the robe out from under her and put it over her. Then she seemed to quieten down right away and so I just went back to sleep. 

That's why I say it was only semi-rough;

Poor thing is getting her bottom lateral incisors in and has been drooling nonstop and has a really runny and stuffed nose. She's been a trooper though and all I can do is be there for her when she needs me. 

So on to this evening.

She's been a little apprehensive about her baths again the last few days, so tonight i decided to go in with her. At first she wasn't sure, but then she really started to have fun and began splashing around like she does at the swimming pool. After nearly half an hour of nonstop splashing, she was not happy when we pulled her out of there. Just sitting there with her and watching her have fun - it was so nice. It felt nice to also know that I was helping her with her bathtime anxiety. 

Then she got her bottle of formula. I turned off the lights and sat in the glider and rocked as she drank, singing the lulluby my mom used to sing for me. When she finished her bottle, she gave it to me, then looked at me with sleepy eyes as I sang and rocked her. It's weird, but I could feel the comfort i was giving her. I haven't rocked her to sleep in so long and even now just thinking about it, i feel like i'm going to cry (though it may be the hormones)... 

I am so incredibly in love with Gemma, I can't even describe it. My heart overflows with love for her. As indepdent as she is, it sure feels nice to know how much she still needs me...

Number Two

I'm pregnant. It happened faster than I had anticipated. I only got one period after weaning Gemma and then ...boom. I think when we decided to start trying, we were aiming for late August/early September and were thinking that because Gemma took 2 months to conceive, this one would be similar. This little one is due July 30, 2011.

I knew my cycle this time around would be irregular as it's my first period in 19 months. So as much as we were "trying", I didn't expect it to happen. But I felt real crampy 3 weeks in and that's what got me to do a test with Gemma, so I kinda wondered. But I had two negative pregnancy tests in a span of a week, so I thought maybe not. Then a week later, I was sitting at my work desk when I looked over and saw a pile of Kleenex i had blown my nose into. For some reason, that made me think I might be pregnant - I had a super runny/stuffed nose throughout my entire pregnancy with Gemma - and so I did a test. The line was super duper faint, like a trick on the eye. I told Jesse I might be and that I would repeat it the next day.

Then we got hit by a huge snowstorm and I didn't get a chance to get out of the house, so it was a few days before Jesse finally picked one up for me on his way home. It was positive, a much more definite line this time.

When we told my mom right away, she didn't believe us. She just kept asking, "are you serious? are you joking? is this real?" and then finally when we convinced her, she said "ugh, i'm so tired!". LOL. I know that doesn't sound like a very nice reaction, but Gemma was super duper clingy  and so my mom had been holding her pretty well the entire day. She of course is happy for us and is glad we're having two close together because she felt so sorry for my brother (who is 6 years older than me) after I was born as he became very neglected thanks to his very colicky baby sister.

At first, I didn't know how to feel. We were always so wishy-washy about having another baby. Gemma is so perfect to us in every way and we were truthfully afraid of taking attention away from her, afraid of comparing the next baby to Gemma in every way, and we never felt our family was incomplete with just one. We knew it would be nice for Gemma to have a sibling in the long run, but we also felt it wasn't fair to the new baby to just have it for Gemma's sake. We were seriously more than content to be a family of 3 (4 including my mom, 5 including my dog, LOL). Then we thought back to how we felt before we got pregnant with Gemma and all the fears of having a baby and how that was to affect our lives. We were so content to be just to the two of us forever and weren't even sure we wanted to disrupt our twosome. But look at us now... We couldn't be happier with Gemma and can't even begin to imagine not having her in our lives. So this anxiety about baby #2 would be the same - just being afraid of the unknown....

I don't know if the novelty wears off with the second baby or if it's just us because we had all these fears about #2, but the first week after finding out has been a weird one. We both would constantly forget that I'm pregnant. With Gemma I felt like I was always going to blurt it out to everyone, but with #2 it hardly crosses our minds. Isn't that weird? It just wouldn't sink in.

Yesterday I had my first doctor's appointment. I don't know if I just HAD to hear it from a medical professional or what, but after the appointment, I got so excited. I am already booked in at High River to be seen next month and have my 18-week ultrasound requisition. It's like a switch just clicked in my brain and it hit me....I'm having a baby!!!

We're definitely going to find out if it's a boy or girl. I just can't handle the suspense. Before we got pregnant, i always said it HAD to be a girl - I refuse to have a boy! (like I have any control over that whatsoever, LOL) but now, it doesn't matter. as long as he/she is healthy and happy. I can't wait to present to Gemma her new baby sibling. I can't wait to see them playing together, fighting together, blaming each other, saying "I love you" to each other, etc.

I'm pumped.

step by step

it was only about 3 weeks ago that i wrote about Gemma being able to stand for 3 seconds. It's unbelievable how much she changes and how quickly she learns things in such a short period of time. Shortly after she learned to stand very briefly on her own, she took a couple steps towards me. Yesterday, we had a record of 7 steps. She can also walk really well now holding just one of my hands. she still can't stand herself up from a sitting position or anything, but she definitely lets go more when she is standing and playing on her own.

i know it can be months still until she can really walk on her own, but i love seeing all her little progress. I'm so proud!

Party Anxiety????

I don't know why, but i've been having some major bad dreams about Gemma's Dol going all wrong. One night i dreamt there was not enough food and everyone was mad that they had to come all the way here and didn't even get fed properly. Then i dreamt that half the people didn't show up, but people i didn't invite came and it was very weird. Then i dreamt that one of the guests wasn't happy with what was being served, so he changed the menu for everyone! Oy Vay! Can you tell i'm really anxious about the party??? I think planning my wedding was less stressful!

In reality, i think the only thing i have to worry about is the weather and the road conditions. i hope this snow stops at least by Dec 1 and that we have chinooks galore on Gemma's Dol weekend.

That's Better

Phew, last night was back to normal. While she did cry out a couple times, she just put herself back to sleep and we didn't need to worry about going into her room. I was so exhausted last night that I went to bed at 7:30, just a little bit after Gemma went down. It feels nice to get a 11-hour stretch of sleep.

What a Night!

I think that was actually the worst night we've EVER had with Gemma. It was awful. We're all walking around like zombies today.

First of all, day 1 of one nap per day went really well. I mean, she was dead tired by 7 PM, but still managed to sleep until 7 AM, so figured that was what she needed. It was a success.

Day 2, however, not the same. Yesterday, gemma was extremely cranky the ENTIRE day. always whining no matter what she was doing - eating, playing, being read to, cuddling, etc. Yet she only napped for an hour and a half. By 7 PM, she was completely exhausted and went down like a light.

Starting at about 11 PM, she kept waking up. Instead of falling back to sleep, she would start screaming louder, so I went in to help her back to sleep. But each time I turned to leave, she would start screaming agian and not go back to sleep. After about an hour of that, I finally just picked her up and rocked this 22-pounder for an HOUR. It's like she was suspicious that I would leave in the midst of rocking her, so she would close her eyes, but then open them again almost in a panic just to make sure i was there still holding her. I put her down after an hour and she fell asleep.

Twenty minutes later, back to screaming. I decided to do something i NEVER do and bring her into our bed with us. She's not used to such a thing and had a hard time getting comfortable. She would sit up and cry, roll this way and that way, sit up again and cry, etc. It was awful.

Finally she managed to just pass out and the three of us got about 2 hours of sleep. Just after 5 AM, she is back to crying, so I just took her over to the bonus room and laid down beside her. She cuddled with Minnie and was rolling all over the place, sometimes looking like she might fall asleep, but she never did. At close to 6 my mom came and got her and gave her some formula. She told me to get some sleep, so I slept for an hour before starting work.

Right now it's 8 AM and Gemma passed out while my mom was giving her a piggyback about 20 minutes ago. My mom's back in bed as well.

One nap + flu shot + teething = horrible night and I have learned my lesson.

Grandpa will be so disappointed

Gemma hates salmon. All the other fish are okay, but she doesn't like salmon.

yesterday, we had grilled salmon with hollandaise for supper - sockeye salmon that grandpa Konnert brought when he came to visit in August. She doesn't usually have such strong responses to food - and even if she hates what she is eating, she will whine, but will still swallow it. But with the salmon, she was spitting it out and even digging it out of her mouth with her fingers. She was so mad that I was making her eat it.

I was ready to give in and microwave some of her chicken soup that i had made and froze, but my mom decided to open a can of mackerel instead. I was totally like "okay mom, she's not going to eat that. she won't eat salmon, then she definitely won't eat that (it's canned and so has a stronger smell/taste than fresh fish)". My mom says "i know, but i just want to try". And guess what. This kid gobbled it up. In fact, she was kicking her feet and asking for more.

we Koreans sure love our makerel, but i think grandpa will be disappointed that his only granddaughter doesn't share his love for salmon... LOL...

Squeakers

We were at Costco a few days ago and there was a traveling vendor there selling baby/toddler shoes... like knockoff Robeez (but probably just as expensive, WTH?). They also had sqeaky shoes and I was looking for dress shoes for Gemma anyway, so I picked up a pair of black Mary Jane squeakers.

Gemma finds them fascinating! if i put them on her and she is standing up (holding on to me, of course), she "tap dances" and laughs. So cute!

bye bye bottle!

We've been working on weaning off the bottle these past 3 days. As her first birthday approaches at lightening speed (yipes!!), I want her off the bottle by then. Luckily, Gemma doesn't care too much where her milk comes from as long as she gets some (and this has been a huge blessing since the day she was born, as I know some babies will NOT take bottles from certain people or take milk in a cup, etc). Right now, I still give her formula in a bottle at night, but in the morning and afternoon, she gets it in a cup or in a cup with a straw. So here's hoping that in 3 weeks, she will be bottle-free!

only one?

The last week or so, Gemma's naps have been quite short. She has also been waking up slightly earlier than normal, so we decided to try an experiment today. Normally, I make her sleep 3 hours after she wakes up in the morning and she naps about 1.5 hours. Then, around 2, she naps again for about 1.5 hours. If she's extra tired, she sometimes sleeps close to 2 hours or more. So with the total nap time being 2 hours or less this last week, I wondered whether she was ready to go down to just one nap a day. Today, instead of making her nap 3 hours after waking up, I let her play for as long as she wanted and she only just started to slow down after 5 hours. She got quieter as she played and a little less mobile, which made me think she must be tired. So I gave her some formula and some banana and now she is out like a light. I wonder how long she will sleep for? If she sleeps for 2 hours or more, then I think this just might become our new routine. If she wakes up in an hour or less, then maybe I'll try to persist with two naps for now. I'll keep you posted.

Dol update

55 guests confirmed! only 5 people said they couldn't make it. Most of the guests are coming from Edmonton too. Gemma is so lucky to be so loved that people will travel 3 1/2 hours to come to her birthday party!! 

Please pray that the weather will be nice and the highways will be nice and dry...

No, Let Me...

I can't believe how independent my little girl is. She really likes to do things on her own. Yesterday during supper, she really wanted to feed herself with the spoon and wouldn't let me feed her. So finally I gave in and gave her the spoon and she ate her whole meal that way. Of course, i had to help her a little - tilt the bowl so that when she dipped her spoon in, some food would go into the spoon...

Going Down!

As of this morning, Gemma can go down the stairs! We have a baby gate at the top of the stairs, but it's one of those where you push down in the middle and stays put due to tension. Well, Gemma is always trying to climb it or hitting it and so we just don't put it up (what if she leans on it too much and it falls down the stairs, taking Gemma with it?).

Ever since she could climb UP, we've been trying to teach her how to climb DOWN. When we would put her facing up the stairs and try to get her to climb down backwards, she would just think we're trying to get her to climb UP and then climb UP! But last night, the gears in her head were turning and she figured out that we were trying to get her to climb down. After a couple practice rounds, we headed off to bed.

This morning, she could climb down most of the stairs by herself! (of course i was right there behind her to catch her, however). I am so proud!

Minnie & Daisy

About a month or so ago, we were at the mall and my mom took Gemma to the Disney Store. She immediately took a liking to a plush Minnie and so my mom, being the grandma that she is with no restraint whatsoever, bought the Minnie for her. It was a 2 for something deal, so she also got a Daisy Duck plush.

Well, as soon as my mom paid for them and gave them to Gemma, she's loved them ever since. When she sees them on the floor, she rolls all around, smothering them, "kissing" them (more like biting off Minnie's nose), and just lights up if she sees them after not seeing them for awhile. 

She has other stuffed animals and plush dolls, but Minnie and Daisy are her favorites.

Tick Tock

Other than "umma" (mom), "bbabba" (food), "appa" (dad), Gemma can say "shi-gae" (clock). She knows what it is and will look at the clock on the wall (or else look for one on a wall if she doesn't see one nearby). 

Probably not one of the more typical first words, but hey, we'll take it.

Stress

I'm sorry to vent, but I had to do it somewhere.

These last few weeks, i've been feeling overwhelmingly stressed. Last night, i finally had a mini mental breakdown. I didn't realize how stressed i was until I started talking it out.

Work. I am so incredibly lucky to have this job. It lets me work from home, I can see Gemma whenever I want, and I have a flexible schedule of just having to work 7 hours in a 12-hour period. I also really enjoy the work I do; it really is my cup of tea. And while i really can and do see Gemma whenever I want, the fact that I have to sit here and work is really bothering me. Stupid, I know.... but now it's really starting to affect my productivity (i've gone from the 3rd most productive to now the 7th - out of 37)...

Family (extended). I feel like for some reason I need to tiptoe so much around some of my extended family. I have some vocal relatives (who i love to death) that don't seem to really understand my decisions for my family and instead gets or may get offended by my decisions. I don't want any hurt feelings and I don't want any fights, but I also want to do what i think is best for my immediate family... is that so wrong?

Family (immediate). I have some guilt about my mom watching Gemma. I feel like my mom's already raised her own kids and now she should just be able to be "grandma". I feel bad that I have to work and that she has to watch Gemma. I can't express enough, however, how grateful I am to have her here. My problem here is that I am stressed about the possibility of making my mom stressed. I hate seeing my mom stressed. But so far, she says she is fine and seems that way...

Money. I've only gotten one paycheck since returning to work and Jesse is now on EI as he is at school. Christmas and Gemma's party are coming up in the next 2 months and while we prepared for those, i still feel overwhelmed. On top of it all, my HR lady/my department manager told me i didn't have to contact EI after coming back to work and now I owe the government $1400 in EI overpayment. Awesome.

Friends. I don't think i was meant to have friends. Close friends, anyway. All my life I've been the third wheel of two best friends and i hate it. I feel like this is going to happen again and I want to just not bother with friendships anymore. I also don't know how to balance friendships - i put too much of myself into some and i don't put enough of myself into others...

Some of this sounds so petty, right? I know there are bigger problems in the world... suck it up... suck it up...

a Pirate and his Parrot

Hope you had a great Halloween!