Gemma's Birth Story

yes, she is finally here. due Dec 9, she came 3 days early on Dec 6.

on Wednesday (Dec 2), i went to my 39-week appointment and saw Dr. Vyse, a rather pessimistic woman. she checked my progress and said there was none. i pointed out that the week prior Dr. Bagdan had said i was "thin". Dr. Vyse said no. Still closed, thick, and posterior. She proceeded to strip my membranes.

well you can imagine my disappointment then. i figured Gemma would come later than her due date at this rate.

on Friday evening (Dec 4), i didn't really notice too much, but jesse noticed my contractions had become regular and frequent (about once every 15 minutes or so). up until then, the closest they had been REGULARLY were an hour apart - and that was after my first membrane stripping. i didn't think much of them because they were still quite comfortable. plus, i think i was in denial that she would come before her due date.

that night, we had a terrible blizzard. at about 2:30 AM i woke up to the noisy storm and could not get back to sleep. i tossed and turned in bed for a bit, then came downstairs and did some reading. i began to notice my contractions were 6-8 minutes apart, but still comfortable. still in denial.

i crawled back into bed at around 7 AM and told jesse, who awoke when he heard me come back in. he decided to get up too and we made pancakes.

after breakfast, the contractions became 5 minutes apart, becoming slightly uncomfortable. i could still walk and talk through them, but would definitely have to "breathe" through them.

the doctor had told me to come when the contractions became 3-5 minutes apart regularly for 1 hour.

now i was starting to think she might come today...

at about 11 AM, i decided to take a hot shower and maybe get ready, in case we have to get going. i don't know why, but the shower increased the intensity and frequency of my contractions. i was doubled over in the shower and felt like the entire time i was in there, i just had one LONG contraction.

i came out completely exhausted. contractions were now 2-4 minutes apart, about a minute long. we packed up, drove to the hospital.

*** now, the books will tell you that when you're in transitional phase of labor, your contractions are 2-4 minutes apart, lasting 60-90 seconds long. TRANSITION is when your cervix finishes dilating and your body gets ready to push***

got to the hospital, the nurse Trish assesses me, tells me i'm 1 cm, maybe 70% effaced, but baby is VERY LOW. stay 3 hours. if there is progress, we'll admit you. if not, you can go back home.

3 hours later. Betty comes to assess me. tells me i'm still 1 cm, but the cervix has moved to the anterior position. the choice is mine whether to stay or go. i chose to go home.

now, at this point, i'm in an incredible amount of pain. jesse is telling me to breathe, but i can't hear a word he's saying.

i'm back at home, trying to cope as best as i can. all i can think about is the pain and how it will not go away. the pain was just exhausting. as much as i wanted a pain medication-free delivery, at this point i know there is no way i can last like this.

at 9 pm, i can't take it anymore. we head back to the hospital.

i am examined by Robin. i tell her i want an epidural. she tells me she can't give me one until 4 cm, but i'm only 2-3. she suggests the tub or the shower. thinking back on how the shower magnified my contractions earlier in the day, i choose the tub. she puts an IV port in my hand in case i will need it later with the epidural.

it's the shallowest tub in the history of tubs. plus, it keeps draining because the plug doesn't sit right.

jesse is there the whole time. never leaving my side. i'm screaming and ready to die. i yell at him if he even brushes against the IV port (remember my post about how much i hate IVs??)

about 2 hours later, i get out. Nicole checks me. 3-4 cm, but not quite 4. still can't have the epidural. how bout the shower?

i get in. thank goodness they don't run out of hot water. the shower was rather soothing. i found a repetitive moan that really helped. i sat in there for probably another good 2 hours before i came back out. finally i'm 4 cm. she calls the anesthesiologist. i get back into the shower until he gets there, which is only like 15 minutes. jesse, again, is right by my side, offering me water and comfort.

2:30 AM, dr. Spackman gives me the epidural. a prenatal education student, Sara, is also in the room. i gave permission for her to watch my birth. nice girl. we have a good chat after the epidural.

i feel immensely better. up until now, all i could think about was wanting a break. a break from the pain. a few minutes to sleep. and i got it. i could still feel the pressure of the contractions, but no pain. dr. spackman tells me i can have the epidural at anywhere between 6 and 16 cc/h. he leaves it at 10 and then leaves.

jesse goes to get some rest. i try to get some shut-eye, but the nurse has to keep checking my vitals, so sleeping is easier said than done. i get a brief nap and ask the epidural to be turned down as it makes me feel hot and swollen (even though i'm actually not). she turns it down to an 8.

at 6 AM, Dr. Bagdan checks me and breaks my water. at this point, i'm at 5-6 cm. i am officially the world's slowest dilator. i bounce on the ball for a bit, do a little walking. yes, even with the epidural i can still do it all. Dr. Bagdan hopes that i will have this baby by lunchtime. contractions slow down to every 4 minutes. she warns me that i may have to get pitocin if i continue to dilate so slowly.

even though i can walk and stuff with the epidural, i can't seem to feel the urge or make myself pee. the nurse drains my urine through a catheter and we're both shocked to see the gargantuan amount of urine that comes out. like a liter! i asked the nurse to put my epidural down further to a 7 to see if that will help.

around noon, i start feeling just a little bit of pressure and my pain is coming back because of the low dosage of the epidural. i am checked and am fully dilated with just a lip left of the cervix on the right side. i am encouraged to lie on my right and try to get rid of that lip.

at 1 PM, i still have a bit of that lip, so more positioning to try to get rid of that teeny lip.

at just before 2, i feel like i am going to poop my pants. i do everything i can do "hold it in". my nurse checks me and the lip is gone! i am given the go ahead to push. it took a few tries to get the push right and at this point my epidural was so low that i can feel EVERYTHING. i am screaming as Gemma begins to crown. the 5 nurses, 2 students, and 1 doctor all tell me to push through the pain. my mom is by my head bawling her eyes out because it's so hard for her to see me in so much pain. Jesse tells me "she's got hair" and that encourages me enough to keep at it. i slow down to birth her shoulders and she slips out after that. they put her on my chest. i am completely overwhelmed with emotion and jesse is crying beside me. my mom is crying also. we're all crying.

too much information

there. i've warned you.

last night i lost my mucus plug. it was definitely much more gross than i could have ever expected.

but-----> according to my oh-so-wise mother, i am indeed having a girl because my mucus plug has indicated so. i guess it's another korean old wives' tale: if the mucus plus has a STREAK of blood in it, it's a boy. if it has FUZZY blood, then it's a girl.

you can guess what kind of blood i had on mine.

disclaimer: i'm pretty sure these "korean wives' tales" actually only pertain to korean women, as many western wives tales seem to say the opposite of what the korean tales say.

38-week appointment

saw dr. bagdan again - the wicked awesome doctor from last week. i had a whole list of questions to ask her and she was extremely thorough in answering them all without rushing me. i think we kept her for like half an hour.

question 1: is the hospital limiting visitors because of the H1N1?

answer: no, although we are asking that if you are sick or have a cough, you stay away. but you can have whoever you would like come and visit you - unless of course, YOU want to limit the number of visitors...

question 2: does the hospital have any "policy" about the clamping/cutting of the umbilical cord? do you delay it or do just cut it right away? isn't there supposed to be some benefit to leaving the cord unclamped for 2 minutes?

answer: we've had lots of requests by mothers that we don't clamp until the cord has stopped pulsating. but you have to keep in mind that the placenta has to be LEVEL with the baby the whole time otherwise it can draw blood away from the baby (if the placenta is lower) or the baby can get too much blood from the placenta (if placenta is higher). as for the benefit, the research is "it could", but nothing is for sure and i haven't seen any adverse effects come from the cord being clamped and cut right away. but it's the mother's choice.

question 3: my GBS swab results?

answer: negative!

question 4: so i know i have to come in right away if my water breaks. but if i haven't had any contractions, how much time do i have before the doctor decides to administer pitocin?

answer: well, since you are GBS negative, we'll give you AT LEAST 12 hours before you start to contract on your own. probably longer. but we know the risk of infection goes up greatly after your water breaks, so we do want to make sure you go into labor within the 24-hour period. you come in, we'll check to make sure the cord hasn't prolapse, there is no arm hanging out, etc., and then can send you back home until your contractions become 3-5 minutes apart or too much for you to handle at home. but you do have to come in initially when the water breaks to check for anything that came out with the water that shouldn't have.

question 5: do a lot of women come in initially wanting a natural drug-free birth? how many of those women would you say actually stick with their plan?

answer: yes and about 50% i would say stick with the plan. some women labor long and hard and it's those women that i would recommend get an epidural. if they labor long and hard, they are often just way too tired when it comes time to push. and a lot of first time moms will push for HOURS, while experienced moms will push for 15 minutes or so.

question 6: dr. makhdoom explained to me what "stripping the membranes" entails. when do you start doing that? does it hurt? do you have to be dilated?

answer: we offer it at 38 weeks. you don't have to be dilated, we can usually get our fingers in there, but it will hurt if you're not dilated. usually takes repeat "sessions" to get it working.

(she measures my blood pressure and fundal height... looks about ready to leave)

me: am i getting an internal exam today?

doctor: no, you're 37 weeks, right?

me: no, 38 weeks.

doctor: oh, you're right. then yes you are. do you want your membranes stripped today?

me: not if i'm not dilated. not if it's gonna hurt real bad.

doctor: (looking at jesse) are you okay with the membranes being stripped?

jesse: me? yeah! sure.

so she proceeds to check my progress and strip the membranes, which was slightly uncomfortable and WEIRD but in no way painful, i think. she says 2 in 100 women will go into labor within 4 hours of having their membrane stripped. i tell her i hope i am one of those two. then she tells me that she thinks i will be able to handle labor very well. i sure hope so.

about 3 hours after my appointment, i began having contractions at 10 minutes to every hour regularly until i went to bed. today, i haven't been keeping track as yet, but i'm hoping it has helped to jump start things. wish me luck!

mixed feelings now

so i know it sounds like i really want this baby out - and i do, i couldn't be happier if she came out a tad bit early happy and healthy as can be.

some of you may know, my dad has been in the hospital for... i think now almost 2 weeks... with a subdural hematoma, a bleed under the dura by his brain. he had a work accident (which actually sounds quite comical, though not funny - but for another post maybe) and has been admitted to the Lacombe Hospital. serial scans have shown the bleed has stopped and not changed in size, but the pressure of the bleed on the brain is causing him massive headaches. he is on long-acting morphine twice a day and is nearly incomprehensible. his response time and speech is slowed, he's lost 20 lb in these last 2 weeks, and is getting understandably frustrated with his pain. he's going back and forth to Edmonton for neurosurgery consults, where they are trying to figure out if they need to physically remove this blood or not. when i visited him last week, it sounded as though he was well on the road to recovery with reduced need for pain meds, but now it sounds like it's just not getting better.

so i don't know how long he's gonna be there for. and while my dad isn't my favorite person in the world, it sucks to know how much pain he is in. he, on the other hand, is more worried about me worrying about him in my "condition" and feels bad about the whole situation.

with my strict (yes, strict) rules postpartum, if the baby came now my dad wouldn't be able to see her for at least a month unless he was able to come out here somehow. so in a way, i hope she holds out a bit longer, maybe until her due date, to give my dad more time to get better.

eggplant parmesan

so we had it for dinner. i thought it was good, but jesse and my mom really enjoyed it. i miss my meat. i'm a meat gal.

so apparently i have 48 hours.. haha. i already ate some leftovers for breakfast.

last night my mom said "you just eat eggplant all day tomorrow - breakfast, lunch, dinner, snack!".

so it's not just ME who's anxious to have her here.

childbirth classes - DONE!

i just realized i stopped writing about my classes after session #2.

well, sessions #3 and #4 were labor-related as well. she covered interventions and postpartum. while it was informative enough, i came out of those classes feeling rather discouraged. she definitely made it seem like NO ONE gets their ideal birth.

we did do one exercise, which i thought was very ... eye opening. she had about a dozen cards with things written on them like "IV", "epidural", "natural birth", "healthy baby", etc. and on the other side of the cards was the opposite ("no IV", "no epidural", "C-section", "not healthy baby", etc). and it was about what we were willing to give up first one by one - and of course everyone's final result that they kept was "healthy baby". it was frustrating to have to give up things you really wanted/did not want and gave a real sense of what is important here. a good lesson learned for the dads too, though jesse already knew of all my goals.

class #5 was about breastfeeding. i think this was one of the better classes. we just went over the different types of latches, feeding cues, etc.

class #6 was about baby care. dads got to do some hands-on swaddling. when the instructor asked about how many people were familiar with newborns, only one raised her hand. so i was rather surprised that she didn't have "diaper changing" on her list of topics to cover. so as much as i felt like an idiot, i had to ask, because I HAVE NO IDEA how to change a diaper. well, no, i know the basics - take off old diaper, wipe clean, replace with new diaper. but what's the vaseline for? what's the powder for (though it's not recommended and we're not planning on using it)? anyways, after i asked, she went into detail and covered these things, which was nice.

so overall, i guess the classes were helpful. if nothing else, jesse learned good massage techniques, which i will forever be thankful for. i just wish there was more stuff covered that wasn't in the "From Here to Maternity" book that i could've just read about.

natural induction?

first thing's first: i KNOW that the baby will come when she's ready.

second: i really really really really really DON'T WANT a medical induction. so i'm praying REAL HARD that she comes either on or before her due date. really, anytime (other than today because i'm in so much pain) is good for me.

so don't be all judgemental after reading the title of this post. i'm not doing anything drastic, i just want to help things along if i can.

there is a track just behind our house at the high school. jesse and i've been walking at least 3 laps for the last few days (minus yesterday).

last night, i made marinara sauce for the eggplant parmesan recipe from Scalini's, which is famous for sending women into labor within 48 hours. guess what we're having for supper tonight.

tomorrow or tonight, i will pick up a fresh pineapple and attempt to eat the whole thing - if my mouth doesn't burn off first.

really, those are harmless, don't you think? it's just food and walking. i'll tell you this - no castor oil, no tea, no herbs, no supplements, nada. i'm not gonna go THAT far. but who knows, as December 9 comes and goes, i might give ANYTHING a try in order to avoid a medical induction.

why?

medical induction (usually cervadil or pitocin) = much stronger contractions than normal = puts baby at distress and mom in much more pain than needed = more interventions = more likely to have a C-section.

that's why.

i'll let you know how supper tastes tonight.

ouch... it hurts

so yesterday we played hookie from church and spent the entire day shopping. we're done most of our christmas shopping, but my mom had to do some for her coworkers and we thought we'd pick up a few "gifts" for the baby.

i didn't sleep at all last night my legs and pelvis hurt SO BAD. i would wake up every time i would have to roll over, but then after 5-10 minutes on that side it felt like my hip bone was going to crack. then it would take every effort to roll over on to the other side, where of course after 5-10 minutes i'd have to turn AGAIN because THAT hip would feel like it's gonna crack.

poor jesse. i don't think he got much sleep either with me groaning in pain all night.

note to self: no more crazy walking for hours on end until this baby is out.

a month from today

in looking at the calendar, i just realized that exactly 1 month from today is this baby's latest possible birthday. at our hospital, the baby cannot stay in utero more than 41 weeks and 3 days, so 10 days after the due date - December 19, 2009.

so a month from today is the latest possible day that i can become a mommy!

we made it...

to full term.

that's right. i am now 37 weeks pregnant, which in the medical world means baby can be born safely into this world and them doctors would be happy to deliver. no bed rest or IV fluids to keep the baby baking longer.

i had my appointment today with a new doctor, Dr. Bagdan. what an awesome lady! jesse was working nearby the hospital, so he came with me to my appointment. i didn't get a 36-week appointment, so she did my group B strep swab today, which was really nothing. and to my surprise, she also did my first internal exam to check the cervix. posterior and closed, but very soft. not to mention the baby's head is "RIGHT there". the exam also was not as bad as i had anticipated.

frankly, i've been feeling so good this past week, that i feel i can handle being pregnant longer. so baby can take her time coming out. of course, it'd be nice to have her here sooner than later...

her father's daughter

regardless of whether this baby looks more like me or like jesse, one thing is for sure - she sure eats like daddy.

from the very beginning, she has followed this interesting pattern of how jesse used to eat. and yes, i mean more in the way in what she has ME craving and eating and vice versa.

baby: the very first food item that i did not want to eat after finding out i was pregnant was... RICE. that's right. my favorite thing in the world. i did not want to eat it. i would rather eat something like noodles. for over a week, i didn't want rice. this has never happened in my life.

jesse: when we met, jesse was not a fan of rice. he would basically only eat it with chicken pot pies. he grew up eating it with butter (ewww) and didn't learn to appreciate the pure goodness of rice until later on in our relationship.

baby: with my aversion to radish, kimchi was a tough sell. especially cold kimchi. but i could eat it when it was cooked with some pork.

jesse: kimchi stirfried with pork was basically the only way jesse liked to eat his kimchi in the early stages of our relationship (note: kimchi is mostly eaten cold, but yes can be deliciously cooked).

i'm sure there were more similarities, but the current one is the biggest one of all. I myself DO NOT LIKE sweets. i don't like cake, i don't like pie, i dont' like most cookies, i don't like desserts, i don't like icing, i don't like pastries, i don't like candy, i don't like sugar. period. i can eat chocolate once in awhile, but that is the extent of my sweet tooth.

my significant other, on the other hand, has a MAJOR sweet tooth. the one thing he requested of my during our marriage counseling was that I BAKE MORE.

a few weeks back, i suddenly developed this crazy hankering for sweets. cookies, bars, cinnamon buns, ice cream, etc. this is so out of character for me, it's not even funny. and that's all i think about. CAKE. i want to eat CAKE. ALL THE TIME.

all i have to say is that i can't wait to get MYSELF back. my body back, my appetite back, my preferences back. pregnancy is the WEIRDEST thing ever. EVER. EEEVVVVEEERRR.

happy 36 weeks to me...

or to us, i should say.

i officially finished work on Monday and spent yesterday running around calgary like a crazy woman. i still didn't get all that i wanted to get done, done. oh well. today, i'm gonna just chill out at home and maybe do some baking. i want to get jesse his fill of baking before baby comes, knowing i just won't have the time for it then. and this man loves/needs his christmas baking.

hard to believe i'm 36 weeks. technically only have 4 weeks. 1 more week til i'm considered full term, 4 weeks and 10 days is the last possible day this baby is gonna stay in and i sure as heck hope she doesn't choose to stay in for that long. the whole family has their fingers crossed for the end of the month, including me. but this feeling that she's gonna be late still lingers in everyone's minds.

are we ready? hmm. i think so. i think we're ready as we'll ever be. emotionally, i think we've been ready for awhile. stuff-wise, yes, that too i think is good to go. i think jesse and i are ready to meet this little creature, this half-jesse, half-grace being that we can hardly imagine.

hello Mr. Braxton, hello Ms. Hicks

last tuesday at my appointment, i ran into a girl from by childbirth classes. we were both waiting for our appointments, so we chatted it up until we were called. during our conversation, she asked me if i was having a lot of Braxton-Hicks contractions, to which i replied "i have no idea".

then at my appointment, i asked my doctor if it was normal for me to have no idea if i was having these BH contractions or what they felt like. she said "of course, this is your first pregnancy".

lo and behold, the next day they came. it was hard to attribute these hardenings to anything else. and in retrospect, have i felt them before? yes. but VERY occasionally. like once every few weeks or so.... THAT occasionally.

now i get them constantly. very irregularly of course and completely painless - however i do know when i'm having one because suddenly i have to work harder to breathe and i just feel ... uncomfortable. then i feel my belly and it's like someone shoved a clay pot in there. they are brief and i notice them most when i'm sitting/reclined, but definitely get them now too when i'm walking/standing.

let's hope this means my uterus is prepping up for the big day.... which, by the way, is no later than 40 days from today. woot woot!

yes, got my shot

last friday, when the H1N1 was once again available to pregnant women, i decided to go for it. mainly because with this graduated release to the public, no one knows when jesse or my mom would be eligible to get it.

so i got the non-adjuvanted kind, the one formulated for preggos. either my nurse was a needle champ or this needle barely hurt. i don't mean as it was going in, i mean afterwards. usually with the regular flu shot, my arm is so sore afterwards that i can hardly use it for days. with this one, it was just a teensy bit sore in the evening, but that was all.

i'm confident i made the right choice. they say the knowledge is limited when it comes to how much of these antibodies are passed on to the fetus, but if i can offer her any protection when she comes into this world, i think it's worth it. as for the mercury (which i was certainly concerned about), i certainly hope it will not affect her brain any negative way whatsoever.

this was my very first BIG decision as a "mom". and it's only just beginning. i hope i have made the right choice...

dropped?

i' ve been carrying "low" this entire time, so could never tell if the baby had dropped or not. but i think she has. since yesterday, i've had a new acquaintance follow me around. everyone, meet pelvic pressure/pain.

it is sore to walk, it is sore to roll over in bed, it is sore to sit, it is sore to stand. it's my new constant companion. whoopy.

so i'm guessing she has "dropped". or at least that's what i'm hoping this means.

H1N1...again

so if you live in alberta, you are sure to be aware of the vaccine shortages and how they shut down all H1N1 clinics for the past week or so.

last saturday, i made jesse go line up at a clinic, but he figured the line was too long and heard they were already shooing people away for the day (this was at 9:30 AM at a clinic that started at 8:30). so he just came back home.

lo and behold, on sunday they decided to cancel all clinics until further notice.

jesse works for a small company and in the past week, 3 guys were out with the flu or cold or whathaveyou. 3 guys - that's like a third of the employees. now one of the guys who is back at work thinks his girlfriend has the H1N1. and who's he working with? you guessed it.... my husband.

so jesse is already paranoid enough as it is about me getting sick and this whole pregnancy he has been uber-protective. when sick contacts come over, he is there bleaching everything after they leave. the last few days, he has been wearing a mask at home "in case" he might be sick from one of the guys at work. he carries around Purell and washes his hands religiously, and has refused to hug/kiss me for the last few days, not to mention sleep in the same bed because he is afraid he might get me sick.

i've called around, trying to find a place where i can get the seasonal flu shot because i'm still not so sure about the H1N1 for myself right now. and as much as i love jesse for being the way he is right now, it's also driving me a little insane and so i just want to get the H1N1 so he can stop overreacting to everything. i mean, i miss my husband!

i wish this government had their shit together so the vaccine was available for EVERYONE. jesse really wants to get one asap, but of course with the new strict rules, he can't until further notice. and neither can my mom. of course they offer it to the one person in the family who isn't sure she wants one.... sigh.

oy vay

so far this pregnancy has been amazing. yes, i've had a few ups and downs, but the downs were always very brief and never anything serious.

however, this last leg is getting very tough. i haven't been sleeping well, the leg cramps are becoming more frequent and lasting longer, and i just feel overall sluggish and extremely tired. i feel like my sides/back are stretching out so much and it is so uncomfortable to lie on my side, not to mention my arms are aching from sleeping that way. i have 2 weeks to go until term (37 weeks) and i'm not gonna lie to you, i hope she comes in 2 weeks. i now fully understand women who desparately want their babies out as the time comes closer and closer. and although i won't be doing anything drastic to induce labor early, i may be eating a pineapple or two when mid november comes. of course, that probably won't work.

my mom has convinced me that this baby is gonna make a late entrance. i'll go past my due date, maybe WELL past my due date. luckily, we know she'll HAVE to be here by Dec 19, as that is as far as my doctors will let me go.

seriously. i'm exhausted. i can't focus. i can't read. i can still type, but i read over my reports and realize i have no idea what i've just typed/read. thankfully i only have a week left of work. i was thinking about working an extra week, but i really don't know if i can do it. all i want to do is snuggle with Reggie on the couch and fall asleep.

H1N1

so unless you live in a hole in the ground, you must know about all the deaths occurring from H1N1 and the frantic race to get the vaccine. it's really a scary thing.

jesse and my mom are going to get the shot as soon as they're able. i, on the other hand, am not sure whether to get it or not. i'm all for the regular flu shot - i've been getting it for the past 3 years and am happy to get one again this year. Unfortunately, my work won't give the shots to pregnant employees - they want us to get it from the public health system. poop. as for the H1N1, i really need to talk to my doctor next week and see whether i should just not get one or wait for the one formulated for the pregnant women. mind you, if i WASN'T pregnant, i would get it for sure. i'm just a little afraid of the unknown for baby.

with family coming at Christmas, i hope everyone will decide to get the vaccine. i'm particularly worried about jesse's sister as she is in Germany and it sounds like Europe is being hit harder than here. if she doesn't, well then i hope she won't mind wearing a mask and not being able to hold the baby at all. sorry, but that's just how it'll have to be.

... but very lucky

yes. it's true. i cried for an hour over stretch marks.

but then again, i know i'm so incredibly blessed and lucky to have come this far in this pregnancy with little/no problems. and i know i'm not totally safe until the baby is actually here in this world, but i can't help but reflect how truly lucky i have been so far.

my dad's close friend's daughter in law just became pregnant for the second time in 6 years. a very much awaited pregnancy in the family. they already have a 6-year-old, but have been trying this whole time for another baby and only recently succeeded. unfortunately, the mother suffered from terrible, TERRIBLE morning sickness - couldn't eat, drink, had to be admitted a few times, and finally an obstetrician confirmed that the baby was not thriving. they decided to terminate at only 8 weeks.

so what if i can't sleep? so what if my body will never be the same? i can't ever let myself forget just how blessed i am to have come this far with minimal problems and that our baby is HEALTHY. 5 1/2 weeks to go. i'll keep her cooking for as long as i can.

not so lucky

well, yesterday evening when i was about to go into the shower, i discovered my worst nightmare.

there they were. staring at me (well, they would if they had eyes). three lines about an inch or so long on the lower part of my left belly.

stretch marks.

at first i wasn't even sure what they were. i thought maybe they were pant lines (or rather, i was hoping they were pant lines)... but after much close inspection, my worst fears were confirmed.

i spent an hour or so in hysterics, crying.

i knew i would get them. but i was expecting them a lot earlier on. so when i wasn't getting them at 6 months, 7 months, i thought, hey... maybe i'll be lucky. i was globbing on lotion like there is no tomorrow since the day i found out i was pregnant, but apparently that wasn't enough. and now they're here to stay.

Happy Birthday, my LOVE

i can't believe it, but Jesse is 27 today (but don't mention his age to him - he feels SOOOO old).

Thank you God for bringing Jesse into this world 27 years ago and for giving him to me :)

I couldn't ask for a better "partner" through this pregnancy. He has come through for me in ways i could never ever have imagined. i can't wait to see him as a dad, although i already know that he'll be the best dad ever. This little girl is VERY, VERY lucky to have Jesse as her daddy.

Happy birthday Bunny. I love you, I love you, I love you. Next year, we'll celebrate with our 11-month old!

Welcome Ella!

my cousins Ernest and Genny welcomed their newest addition early Tuesday morning (like 1 AM). It was a "mystery" baby and we're thrilled that they had another girl. Presumably her name is Ella, though we haven't heard a confirmation. They really had a hard time picking out a name.

Apparently she looks like her big sister, Anderson, who is a total ball of cuteness. I'm sure she'll be a terrific big sister.

I can't wait to see pictures! and hear whether her name really is Ella! (for the record, if it is, then we're very happy that we changed our name choice - We had the name Stella in mind for a long time up until... well, we got pregnant. had we kept the name Stella, these two cousins would be Stella and Ella. hahahaha

Genny, i hope you're getting plenty of rest and feeling good!

Childbirth Classes (session 2)

i guess this one was more... hands on...

we got to practice different types of laboring positions, different types of breathing, and different roles for the partner. as silly as we feel doing some of these things in front of all these strangers, it was surprisingly good practice. for instance, i never knew how uncomfortable i would be in a squat position or just how awkward it is to sway back and forth leaning on jesse. i think the most comfortable position was just straddling a chair backwards and leaning forward while jesse rubs my back.

then we watched a birth video. then the birth of the placenta. that was much more graphic than i had anticipated. i think jesse handled it better than i did.

it was also surprising to see that out of the 12 couples, only three knew the sex of their baby (well, one wasn't sure, so they get to go back in a week to double check). although other than clothes everything we have for the baby is neutral, i am still very glad that we "know" we're expecting a girl. i think it really helps us to mentally prepare for this arrival and to bond with her in utero.

all in all, it was a better class, but jesse and i agree that we wished the instructor would give us more insider info on the experience, not just teaching us what we can read for ourselves in the book.

next week, all about interventions and pain management. should be another interesting one.

nursery update

so last weekend, the three of us did a lot of shuffling around. originally, we were gonna have an extra twin bed in the baby's room for company, for me, whatever we might need it for. we had a bedside drawer shoved into the closet, hoping to make use of that, and had one dresser that was just big enough for the change pad to sit on. i decided i needed more counter space to put the wipes and other things i may need.

before i go on, i must tell you my mom has this obsession with collecting blankets and dressers. actually her real obsession is with the blankets, but she keeps buying dressers because she runs out of places to put all those blankets we have. we could probably host a basketball team for a night and have more than enough blankets for every player, coach, assistant coach, water boy, etc.

so jesse and i sacrificed a closet. we have two in our bedroom - a walk-in and a normal regular closet. we shoved all our clothes into the walk-in and cleared out the regular closet. then, we shoved as much blankets as we could into that one so we could free up some dressers.

we also decided to shove the bed into the basement for now. Jesse's family and my brother will be here for Christmas and so we would need to clear out that bed at that point anyway to make room for the queen mattress (we also have too many extra mattresses - a spare queen and two spare twins).

so now this is how the nursery sits: the crib, the cradle (which will be in our room with us for the first few weeks), two dressers, and a wardrobe (which contains the excess blankets that we couldn't fit into the closet). we also got rid of that bedside dresser in the closet and put in a hanging organizer instead.

just a few decorative touches here and there - a shelf, some wall decorations, maybe wooden letters for her name, and a mirror - and i think we'll be ready. i hope she likes her room.

washing, washing, washing...

so yesterday i began washing all of baby's stuff. her cloth diapers (which is easy enough to take care of, i think), her clothes, her blankets, etc. i know i still have 7 weeks-ish to go, but i plan on washing everything at least three times (especially the diapers) before she arrives. her crib and cradle bedding i will leave until a bit later, so they don't get all dusty again by the time she sleeps in them.

definitely things are starting to feel more real now...

Childbirth Class (session 1)

So last night we had our first session of our childbirth classes. there were supposedly 12 couples signed up, but only 10 showed last night. short introductions including due date and how we're feeling, followed by 2 hours of learning about the signs of labor and what to expect in the first stage of labor, physically and emotionally. then for the last 5 minutes, we had to lie on the floor and listen to relaxation exercises. not very relaxing.

i would say most people were probably around our age, 25-27ish, though they sure looked older. there were about 3 women due before us, one at the end of November, two in early December. one is due a day after us and the rest were at the end of December and early January.

next class is a birth video and learning to push. sounds a bit more interesting than this one.

not to be rude, but...

other than my mom, we live quite far from any other family. my dad is 2 hours away, my brother is in toronto, my cousins are in edmonton, and jesse's family is in Richmond, BC. so we're quite isolated from familiy - but we kinda like it that way. it helps us to appreciate them more and actually enjoy spending time with them when we see them. when family come to visit us, they usually end up spending a few days here and spending the nights at our house. which is fine and we enjoy the occasional company.

however.

we had a predicament. if we lived in edmonton and close to most of my family, people could come and visit us at the hospital and then leave. LEAVE being the key word here. but since we're 3.5 hours away, if people come see us in the hospital or visit in the first few days, most likely they will need to stay at our house. don't get me wrong - i love my family. i do. BUT i really want to come home to an empty house (well, other than Reggie) and spend the first few weeks getting to know our daughter without the ruckus of kids running around or having to be hosts to visitors.

is that so unreasonable? i didn't think so.

as far as i know, jesse's parents are going to hold off on coming until around Christmas (which, if baby sticks close to her schedule, should give us a few weeks at least of getting to know baby).

and this is what i asked of my family: come see us if you want. we'd be happy to have you. but please don't plan on staying at our house. i'm sorry to be rude, but i don't want you here at my house when we come home. or we can send you pictures and will see you at baby's 100th day birthday party.

i can tell there are people who aren't too thrilled about this idea, but i'm not backing off. sorry. i'm a mom now. my baby comes first.

..and we have a name!

after months of contemplating between two names, we've finally settled on one.

and my mother was kind enough to give our daughter her middle name, which we also love.

so her name is ___________ __________ Konnert.

you'll find out when she's here!

Baby Shower/Thanksgiving

ah, another hectic weekend in Edmonton. Thankfully, it's the last one for a LONG time.

went up to cousin Susie's on Saturday. i took over some homemade perogies and cabbage rolls for our thanksgiving dinner that night. good food and mostly good company. i was surprised to see Mrs. Leskiw, a teacher from smoky lake, but it was very nice to see her and chat. after the feast, we opened gifts. of course you get asked to make a registry and no one actually buys anything off it. oh well. there was nothing that we REALLY wanted off the registry anyway. so clothes, clothes, a bath toy, a precious moments figuerine, bath support thingy, a hooded towel, more clothes, etc. definitely the best part was all the cash we got from the older folks. on sunday we took back most of the stuff we received and got other things instead. i know that may sound unappreciative, but one outfit was a duplicate, we already have 3 hooded towels, a bathtub, and bath products. i received a pack of diaper shirts which i would also like to return, but never got a gift receipt. i already have a ton of diaper shirts.

so a big thank you to everyone.

so we bought ourselves cradle bedding, which was something we really needed, an ocean aquarium thing for the crib, and a waterproof cradle mattress cover. my dad gave us money for two dozen Bumgenius 3.0s, which we went and bought yesterday (and saved $100 with our discount at bo bebe!) and a wipes warmer. oh and some receiving blankets, socks, and some sleepers.

i'm happy the shower is done and over with - now we can go nuts and buy everything we need! except looking out the window, it makes me not want to go anywhere.... what crazy weather we're having....

killer leg cramps

i don't know why suddenly i'm getting these leg cramps in the middle of the night. i was getting them everyday for like a week a few weeks back, but then i didn't have them until last night. they hurt SO bad. i woke up screaming basically and Jesse is having a heart attack beside me thinking something is terribly wrong with me/baby.

crap, they hurt. they hurt all through the next day too.

oh the joys of pregnancy, right? 2 months from today (until our due date)!

birth plan

so my doctor and i have discussed my "birth plan" at my last visit. it's simple and basically this: i would like a pain medication-free, intervention-free vaginal birth. yes. in a storybook labor and delivery, that is what i would like.

• yes, i know i have no idea what contractions feel like and may very well be screaming for an epidural.
• yes, if it came to the safety and healthy of our baby, of course necessary interventions are... well, necessary.
• yes, i know birth plans get thrown out the window when circumstances change so it's best not to get too attached to them.
• baby will receive the eye ointment and vitamin K shot - i really don't see why anyone would refuse this, but apparently a lot do.

the biggest reason for not getting an epidural is because i hate IVs. (and you're thinking, um... an epidural goes in your back) apparently IVs are mandatory when you get an epidural because of fluctuations in your blood pressure. i don't mind needles, i don't mind seeing blood, but i HATE having an IV in. it makes me crazy having this thing stuck on my arm/hand and really irks and irritates me. i can't explain it. it just does. i hate them. i don't think an epidural will make me more pleasant to deal with because IVs turn me into one very grouchy b*****.

Miss Lance Armstrong

i think that's what we'll call her. Lance.

i read that about now in a pregnancy, baby's movements resemble those of pedaling a bicycle. it helps to turn the baby head down i guess. and it really feels like she is pedaling.

well the way she's moving in here, it feels like she is doing the tour de france. go lance go!

alien baby

with 10 weeks to go, i think baby here is growing nicely. she has stopped her cute little pokey movements and is now squirming and stretching, which i cannot get used to. it is seriously the weirdest feeling. oh, and did i mention now i feel her constantly, like every minute of every day? including when i'm sleeping?

last few nights have been rough. i've had to sleep propped up with about four pillows to help me breathe. but of course what helps my lungs doesn't help my back, per se, and so it's uncomfortable no matter what. last night i decided to forgo the mountain of pillows and try to sleep on my sides with one pillow like a normal person. my back still hurt like crazy, but every time i would wake up to roll over to the other side, i couldn't fall back asleep due to the dance party going on in my belly. sometimes she digs her feet into my rib cage, which is also not the most pleasant feeling.

it's quite cool to watch her do her "alien" movements - like she's looking for a way outta there.

10 weeks to go, 5 more weeks of work, 2 more weeks until the baby shower.

doctor's appointment

it was quick and painless. the usual - heartbeat, blood pressure, etc.

i passed my gestational diabetes screen with flying colors!

other than trying to eat more iron-rich foods and eating "steadily", not much to report.

appointments are now every 2 weeks!

the nursery

we have three bedrooms upstairs. the "middle room" has served us well as the spare bedroom/guestroom for the past few years. now it has a real purpose in life and a permanent resident.

jesse spent the latter part of august painting. we wanted a somewhat gender neutral color, JUST IN CASE. so "pear" was chosen and although it's a bit brighter than we expected, it looks good.

the crib is set up, the change table is fixed on to the dresser, the closet emptied.

being the cheapos that we are, jesse and i were not happy with the prices of crib bedding. it's like, on average, $200. we went to kacz' kids and saw some for over $400. is that really necessary? goodness. i'm sorry, but i could never justify spending that much on bedding. but the cheap ones looked so... cheap, that we thought, maybe someone will get the bedding for us.... this way, WE don't have to spend the money...

we happened to be at walmart last night, not specifically looking for bedding, but we were pleasantly surprised to find a 10-piece bedding set for $90! it's disney baby and has many baby characters - bambi, dumbo, thumper, and others (i can't remember right now).

now that the bedding is in, the nursery looks more like a nursery. need a baby to make it more complete though ;)

free glider

my cousin Bueben called me a few weeks back, letting me know that a friend of hers was giving away a free glider chair and wondering if i was interested. um, heck yeah! those chairs are stinkin expensive! anyways, apparently the lady only used it once ("her baby was too fast on the boob") and it's been sitting in her basement for nearly 12 years.

we picked it up from Bueben's on Sunday. it's a beautiful chair - no one would think it's 12 years old. it looks brand new and the lady cleaned/washed it all before letting us take it. it's a cream-colored cushion with very light colored polka dots on a light wooden frame. it's so comfy.

thanks Bueben!

Hello third trimester

hard to believe i only have 12 weeks to go.

updates:

can't sleep. my back hurts in every position and i can't breathe when i'm on my back.

can't breathe when i'm sitting upright either, which is just perfect, seeing as how i sit all day for work.

super tired. my body is so sluggish and i feel like first trimester all over again when it comes to fatigue. it feels like i can't ever sleep enough.

lots of activity. it's really cool to recline back or lie on my side and watch her try to escape from my belly. definitely packing more of a punch now.

weight gain. 16 lbs total. if i gain a pound a week til the end of this pregnancy, i guess that will be about 28 lb. i sure hope i can lose it easily, though i somehow doubt that.

looking forward to cooler weather. what is with this september? it's so stinkin hot and i'm just baking in this house. bring on the snow already. or at least some rain.

mat leave

talked to HR today. i left her a message 3 weeks ago and she never returned my phone call. well, at least she apologized.

my due date being some time between Dec 4 and Dec 9, i decided i'm gonna start my leave on Nov 30. apparently it has to begin on a monday, so that's what i will do. perhaps it's cutting it a bit close, but i'm also taking the 3 weeks of vacay that i have saved up leading up to Nov 30. so basically i only need to work a week or so in Nov and then i'll be done!

i love working for the U of C and the awesome benefits we get. even then, i'm already eager to go back to work (yeah, i know... i'm still working) and doubt i'll take the full year. i don't think financially we can manage that anyway. jesse's gotta go to school for his last year of plumbing and so he too will be in EI for 2 months. we have to balance things out so we can still put food on the table and pay our mortagage on time.

so as it stands, i think i'd like to go back in about September. maybe sooner, maybe later - i guess it all depends on how i feel at the time and what mom wants to do in terms of her work. i'm hoping she retires for good so she can watch the baby full-time, but that's rather selfish of me, isn't it?

harder to breathe

as the third trimester approaches, i'm really starting to get uncomfortable. i thought i'd be lucky, as i have been so far, to fare through this pregnancy relatively easily, but nope.

my belly now begins just under the boobs, making breathing so very difficult. sitting upright is definitely the most uncomfortable position and, well, lucky for me, i work sitting all day. straightening my back helps with the breathing, but that hurts my back after a while.

my low back is curving in more and so it's hard on my back to lie flat. for some reason, it's harder to lie on soft surfaces (like my ultra-soft bed), so for the last week i've been sleeping on the floor. while this alleviates the back pain, it makes my arms hurt throughout the night.

i know... all i'm doing is complaining. but this is my blog, so i'm allowed, aren't i?

the love of my life

7 years and 1 week ago, i moved into Muller Hall at Taylor University College. i was so incredibly excited to be there - i had looked forward to this all through my high school years. i moved in a couple days before the official move-in day. i didn't know anyone, there was hardly anyone there at the time.

i was walking with a visiting friend from Muller Hall to the SU building when a guy (who is now my husband) with sideburns and a green shirt was walking towards me carrying a few flats of pop with another guy (Jay). i kinda knew Jay from before, so trying to be "cool", when we walked past them, i said to Jesse, "so... are you the pop guy or something?" and he gave me a "uh yeah" and kept walking.

pfff. instantly i thought this guy is a real piece of work. he was good looking, so i figured he must be cocky. i figured he must have a lot of girls who are into him, which gave him a big head.

we happened to live in the same hall, so became friends with the same group of people. we started to hang out more and more, which made it clear my first impression of him was completely off.

we were like two peas in a pod. we were always together. i found my best friend. we went through so much together. he made me laugh like no other, but also made me cry like no other. after an incredibly fun and exciting, yet emotionally challenging 3 years, he asked me to marry him. and i said yes.

i can't believe today we are now celebrating our third wedding anniversary. i can't believe we're having our first baby in just a few months. i am so incredibly blessed and lucky to have jesse. i can't believe i get to keep him for the rest of my life.

i love you bunny. happy anniversary.

quiet baby

ever since i could feel her, i've felt this baby move consistently throughout the day. if i feel like it's been awhile, i'd lie down, put my hands on my belly, and definitely within 15 minutes (that's the longest i've ever had to wait) she is moving all over the place.

our bedtime routine is this: jesse talks to the baby for a little bit, sings her a song or two, then says goodnight and reads out loud for me (it really helps me to fall asleep). when he talks and sings to her, she is very responsive to jesse's voice and moves around a lot. she'll kick and he'll poke her in the spot where she kicked and she will kick him back. it's like a little game they play.

so you can imagine how freaked out jesse and i were last night when we were trying to get her to move for nearly 2 hours with not much going on. i felt her a total of two times, both very weak movements. i tried switching positions, walking, marching in place. jesse talked to her, poked her, sang to her .... all to no avail.

after about an hour and a bit, jesse suggested i try drinking some juice and so i chugged down a tall glass of cranberry juice.

as frustrated and worried as we were that we couldn't get her to move, all the resources say you shouldn't count or keep track of baby's movements until week 28 (which is another 2.5 weeks for us). i knew if i went to the doctor or called the doctor's office, they would say it's too early for me to be worrying about this. but i feel like i already know my baby and she has never gone this long so quietly before, so i can't help but to freak out.

anyways, about 20 minutes after finishing the cranberry juice, she came back to life as rambunctious as ever. and this morning too and all day so far, she's been very active as per usual.

25 weeks old in utero and she's already got the ability to worry her parents sick down pat.

cravings now???

i can't stop thinking about a clubhouse sandwich. and normally i'm not crazy about them because the toasted bread always cuts up my mouth. what is going on....

but it has to be on bread - not a roll or bun. like this picture. and with real turkey, not the lunchmeat kind... oh my goodness, i think i'm gonna die unless i have one SOON.

who knew?

so i guess you can forget my last post. i went for my 25-week checkup today and the doctor told me i'm below the recommended weight gain.

what?

i feel like i'm eating CONSTANTLY... well actually, i AM eating constantly. i eat and then i'm starving again in like 2 hours. then i eat and then i'm starving again in 2 hours.

never in my life did i think anyone would ever tell me that i needed to eat more. i'm not gonna go crazy though. i'm just gonna keep doing what i'm doing. i don't think i need to overeat trying to make up the weight gain and it's not like i'm dieting or skipping meals.

and here comes the weight

according to my scale this morning, i've gained 10 lb since the beginning. i lost 3 lb in the first 2 months, then gained back 10. i'm pretty sure my weight gain is at a good pace, but i can't help but to gasp when i see the number on the scale. at my last appointment i was told my weight gain was right on track... i wonder what the doctor will tell me next week...

let the painting begin!

the walls have been washed, holes filled in, furniture moved off the walls, closet emptied. jesse and i spent yesterday evening taping around the baseboards and window. last weekend jesse went to home depot and picked out a color. we knew we didn't want pink or purple or anything too... well, girly... but we did want a nice happy color. so going back and forth between a light yellow and a light green, i gave jesse the responsibilty of picking the color out. so the baby's room is going to be "pear", which is smack in the middle between a light green and a light yellow! i think painting will commence on saturday, so it has plenty of time to dry over the weekend and ready for the crib when we bring it home on sunday night. things are slowly coming together...

linea nigra

just knowing my body, i knew i would get linea nigra and will eventually get stretch marks (though i'm moisturizing rather religiously). well, the first of the two is here. i just noticed it yesterday. this picture is not me, but for those who don't know what it is.... this (the picture) is what i'm talking about. this girl's LN looks a lot like mine in that it's not completely straight down the middle from her bellybutton, but more to one side of it.

oh, will my body ever be the same?

feeling blessed

some days, i just can't believe i'm pregnant. and many times, jesse and i talk about how lucky we are that it happened so surprisingly quickly. i got pregnant my second cycle off the pill. even at my preconception counseling, i was told it takes an average couple 6 months to a year to get pregnant, so i was not expecting anything to happen for awhile (not to say i wasn't disappointed the first month when i wasn't pregnant)...

everyone knows at least one couple, i think, who have a hard time getting pregnant or have had to resort to fertility help - whether that be meds, IVF, IUI, surrogacy, etc. i can't even imagine the heartache of someone who wants nothing more than to have a baby and can't seem to make it happen.

i have to admit, though, that i'm just slightly worried about getting pregnant again (i know, i should probably focus on this one right now). my mom, her sister, and another aunt all had no troubles conceiving the first kid, but it took a lot longer to conceive the second. for my mom and her sister, it was 6 years. for my other aunt, it was like 12 years. so if genes play any role in this, i may have a bit of a struggle next time.

but like i say, i am focused on this little girl right now and making sure she comes out happy and healthy and stays that way. 17 weeks to go. i can't wait to meet her.

bottomless pit

that's the perfect word to describe my stomach right now. i can eat and eat and eat and eat (get the idea?) and i'm still hungry! mind you, i get full really fast, but then am hungry again not even an hour later. and as much as i try to fill up on healthy things like fruit (a half a flat of grapes in 3 days, a half a watermelon in one sitting, etc), i sometimes can't help myself reaching for the... crap. instant noodles, less than ideal foods for pregnancy - you know?

ugh, i don't know what to do. someone help!

baby's first play

it's been years since we've been to a play - and i was just reminded of how much i love plays. the last one we went to was the Phantom of the Opera at the Jubilee in Edmonton just before we got married.

i had heard the Lion King was in town through people on facebook who had gone and really loved it. i wanted to just check out the ticket prices and see if there were any good seats left when i found three tickets 5 rows from the stage near the center. even though they were $100 each, i couldn't resist - i hate having bad seats at a play and these were too good to pass. the clock on the bottom of the computer screen was ticking and i had to decide whether to take these tickets or not... and with jesse's encouragement, i bought the tickets.

the singing, dancing, puppetry - they were all fabulous. i felt like a little kid again as the circle of life came on and the animals came down the aisle (right beside us) to go see simba. it was almost magical.

at about "be prepared", the baby decided to dance to all this music and pretty much didn't stop until the end of the play. so either she loved it or hated it, haha, one or the other....

i can't wait til she is here and a bit older so we can go to these plays together. i was hoping to go to the Christmas Carol again at the Citadel Theatre in edmonton (i saw it two times already and would definitely see again), but i think that's cutting it too close to the due date to be driving back and forth to Edmonton.... oh well, maybe next year.

childbirth classes

okay, so i've been getting mixed views on the value of childbirth classes. are these really worth the $125? some have said absolutely not, the nurses coach you through it anyway. some say yes, this info is invaluable.

well, i've been contemplating for months now about whether to take it or not. but alas, i gave in and registered - i figure i'll learn something, but hopefully a lot... guess i'll find out!

if you're reading this and you've gone through it, what are your thoughts? i'd love to know...

LRC appointment

yesterday, i had my appointment at the low risk clinic with Marie, the midwife. two major things were pointed out to me:

the due date. when we went for our ultrasound, the sonographer told us our due date would change to dec 4, as the baby was measuring bigger. Marie, however, told me yesterday that they would not change it - the due date stays dec 9. the very first ultrasound at 7 weeks or so is the most accurate in dating the pregnancy. at this point, all babies grow at different rates and so it's not really fair to change the due date everytime ultrasound says something different. and it makes sense, because if the baby is not here by the 4th, everyone starts panicking and talking about induction, when really the baby's not ready for another 5 days or so. so we're back to the 9th!

sugar. now i'm not a sugar person in general. i don't like sweets, don't like dessert, don't like candy, not even a huge chocolate fan. after finding out i'm pregnant, i cut down my pop consumption to about one per week, even though i wasn't drinking much to begin with. plus, i haven't been drinking coffee, which i used to drink at least a cup of day before (i still take sips of jesse's coffee from time to time, but that's about all). i drink pure orange juice and cranberry cocktail. the most sugary weakness i have is probably iced tea and i've probably had about one cup in the last 5 months.

Marie pointed out to me that sugar is something a pregnant woman should avoid like the plague. like the empty carb sugars - pop, slushee, iced tea, juicebox, chocolate, etc. you can't avoid eating sugar in your food unless you're diabetic and consciously avoiding it. heck, even milk has 12 g of sugar per cup! anyways, i figured the reason was probably the baby is getting all hyped up on the sugar and probably getting fat on it as well, equalling larger babies to try to push out. Marie pointed out to me, however, that the biggest reason is that babies get so used to all the sugar, their bodies produce more and more insulin, and once they're born they have a hard time breastfeeding because breastmilk doesn't have all that much sugar. so they kinda go into like an insulin shock.

i had no idea. it's like making my baby a diabetic without even realizing it. so i've decided to really eliminate all those empty sugars i mentioned. i can't help too much of what i eat, because a lot of things i eat are also nutritious and needed (like milk, for example). i wanna give my baby the best possible start she can have.

22-week update

not much happening here. after my big scare last week, i've been trying to de-stress, which has been extremely hard. i don't know why but things have been happening one after the other with no end in sight.

but that's for another time and probably another blog, as this one is dedicated to the one within my belly.

LOTS of movement. sometimes i feel her more towards the back and down low, so it feels really strange.

messed up sleep schedule. i seem to have a hard time falling asleep, but i think it probably just has to do with the fact that i've been getting up later lately. i'm still sleeping on my back comfortably.

big belly. it came out of nowhere, just one day i woke up with it. even 2 weeks ago it wasn't this big. i find it rather uncomfortable already, which is frightening since i still have another 18 weeks to go.

goodbye rings. i'm a bit paranoid about my hands swelling up to the point the rings will have to be cut off. so i took them off a couple days ago. the hands/feet are not that swollen yet, but i like to be ready, since it sounds inevitable that they will swell.

mood. other than the stress, i've been in good spirits.

baby stuff. we bought a change pad, a few outfits, and that's about all. in a few weeks we'll bring our crib, pack n' play, and exerciser from edmonton. the big stuff that's still left to buy are a swing, car seat, and ...i can't remember what the third one was... but there's three.

i think that's all. apparently the baby is nearly a pound and as long as a banana.

a big little scare

when you see blood under any circumstance, it's never a good sign. when you see blood while you're pregnant, it numbs you and scares you to the point where you can't speak. then you start to bawl, thinking the worst has happened.

that was me yesterday. i immediately called my clinic in high river, who told me i was under their cut-off for being seen (apparently you have to be 21 weeks to be seen by them; under 21 weeks, you go to the emergency). i was 20 weeks and 6 days yesterday, meaning i'm 21 weeks today. yet, she said the policy guidelines were clear - i would have to go to emergency.

then i called my family doctor's office, only to be told it's "normal" by the secretary. that woman seriously needs to get a reality check - she's not the doctor, she's the secretary. she won't book me an appointment until next week even though she can hear me completely freaking out over the phone.

so here i am panicking, no one willing to help me out. i call jesse to tell him, which immediately freaks him out and he rushes home. thankfully he was working really close to home yesterday...

so we go to the urgent care. a usually very busy place, there was no one there except us. we were seen rather quickly, the doctor listened to the baby's heartbeat and did an exam. no blood seen, cervix is nice and closed, heartbeat is good, and baby is moving. must have been flukey blood. a lot of time in pregnancy, the doctor says, there is just unexplained blood seen. no one knows why it happens and nearly all of the time the baby is born just fine and healthy.

anyways, everything looks okay and i don't know what i would do without jesse. i'm so incredibly blessed to have him.

Mover and Shaker

i forgot to write about the first time i felt the baby move, so here it is.

people always talk about these flutters in the stomach, which are the baby's early movements that you can feel. well, i didn't feel them. not once. or maybe i did, but i didn't know it. some people were talking about how they can feel their baby as early as 13-15 weeks, and i felt nothing.

in my 18th week (or i guess it could have been my 19th week), i was laying in bed with my hands on my tummy when i felt a poke in my hand. then again. then again. jesse was not there at the moment and by the time he came back, i could no longer feel the movements. i sure absolutely sure this had to be the baby; there was nothing else it could be... gas?! not this time!

then it was quiet until the next week. oddly enough, jesse was away in blairmore overnight when it happened and so he missed it again!

but for the last... oh week or so, i've been feeling her move more regularly and sometimes even without my hand on my belly. i can distinguish her movements now and she's even moving for daddy now, so jesse has felt her move about as well.

and let me just tell you, it's an incredible feeling.

Our Baby

introducing our precious baby GIRL!

she is growing like a weed and my due date has been officially moved up to December 4, 2009. so pretty much, i've skipped week 19...

she was so active, really moving about, kicking and punching!... i'm almost nervous about how it's gonna be when i can really start feeling all those movements!

needless to say, jesse and i are on cloud 9.

and the winner is...

i know, i know. we had said our two choices were the graco and eddie bauer strollers. well, we've talked to some people, did some more research, and actually went and saw the Valco tri-mode stroller and loved it. i've been wanting a jogging stroller, but hadn't found one i really liked until now.

we went to bo bebe in shawnessy here in calgary and checked this baby out. it's a tri-mode, meaning you can set the front wheel to swivel 360 degrees, to stay straight, or to swivel a little bit... it was very easy to maneuver and is compatible with graco, maxi-cosi, or peg perego infant car seats. aluminum body, easily removable back tires (which are inflatable), and it folds nice and small, perfect for the matrix. oh and it reclines flat for babies too!

we're very happy with our choice and thank my cousin susie for offering to get this for us. the above color is "pistachio", which jesse likes best. i really think all the colors are nice, except for the all red one, and since it matter so much more to jesse what color we get, i think we'll go with the pistachio.

our baby has a ride! woot woot!

stupid canada diagnostics centre

i've been looking forward to today for a LONG time. today is the day we get to see our baby and find out perhaps whether it is a he or a she.

well, supposed to be.

i had a bad feeling about the place we're going for the ultrasound. i read on their website that they give a CD containing between 15-30 seconds of the 4D portion of the ultrasound. that's it. no still images of the traditional 2D. i mean, as cool as the 4D is, i love the 2D images and it makes me sad to think i won't have a single picture of the baby to put in the album (the baby album we bought specifically has a spot for an ultrasound picture, which would have to remain empty).

when i called the place and they confirmed that no, they don't give out any pictures or 2D still images on CD, i was really unhappy. (did i mention the CD is $20???)

so pretty much i began having like a stupid anger attack (hormones?) and called every other place in Calgary. Luckily one place (Radiology Consultants) had time for me to come in later in the week. plus, they give me a CD with still images for $10~

so although we have to wait another 4 days, at least this way we will have a keepsake to show the baby when he/she is older.

over a donair

so last night, i cried. i cried and cried. i was so upset with the world and felt like a 4-year-old throwing a tantrum for not getting dessert.

why was i so upset, you ask? because jesse had eaten a donair that afternoon. i had really wanted a donair the day before and we were going to eat one for dinner, but i was being indecisive and felt it was too far (it's about a 20 minute drive for the best donair and fries ever). so i chose to miss out on the deliciousness of mystery meat packed and roasted in a rotisserie, sliced and hugged inside a pita with delicious sweet sauce, tomatoes, onions...

don't get me wrong. i don't blame him and am not angry with him for eating a donair without me. i'm just upset that he got to eat one and i didn't! now you see, jesse is not the type of person who can eat the same thing 2 days in a row. he doesn't like to eat leftovers for a few days and doesn't even like to eat the same meat prepared in a different way the day after he's had it (confused?). so him eating a donair yesterday means i don't get to have a donair for a few days at least. and i was desparate... i tell you... desparate for a donair.

i know it sounds absolutely ridiculous that i just completely lost it over a food item, but at least i have something to blame.... hormones! and tonight, i will make him eat a donair again even if it kills him because I HAVE TO HAVE A DONAIR TONIGHT.

harry potter versus tradition

so according to tae-gyo (see my post in April), i must abstain from watching any violence. this rule until now has been perfectly fine.

HOWEVER, a week from today, the new harry potter movie comes out. yes, i am a harry potter nerd. i have read the books and own every movie on dvd to date. i think ron is cute and i secretly wish i had magic powers and an invisibility cloak. to make matters worse, this is the film version of my favorite HP book and it would make me sad to no end to miss this in theatres (c'mon, we all know watching it on dvd is just not the same).

so i am completely torn. as much as i don't believe that watching HP will turn my baby into an evil wizard, i really want to abide by this "tradition"... what to do, what to do... why oh why did this movie have to come out THIS YEAR???!?!?!?!

18 weeks!

just a quick update on how i'm feeling/what's been going on:

i feel good. other than these allergies and the last bit of this nagging cough, i feel good. i'm eating well, drinking well.

i still haven't felt the baby move... soon, i hope.

you can expect to see NO baby bump pictures from me. however, i will tell you i'm not showing much. haven't gained any weight really (maybe 1 pound). i don't look any different other than my hair has been growing fiercely and it's been more "luscious", according to jesse.

i'm still sleeping on my back because it's still the most comfortable.

i'm hungry a lot of the time, but i get full much faster than i used to.

we bought one thing so far that is baby-related: a record keeping album. jesse said after monday's ultrasound, we can go out and buy one gender specific item to celebrate.

i own one pair of maternity pants.

we have the boy's name picked out. we are split between two girl names - we both like both names, can't decide which one. and don't ask us what the names are, we're not telling ;)

jesse's going to blairmore again tomorrow and spending the night. i will once again be an emotional wreck for those 48 hours.

the end.

first visit to the Low Risk Clinic

as of right now, i am 100% super happy that i chose to go to high river and not to calgary. i had my first appointment today and today it was with dr. makhdoom (or dr. doom as her kid patients call her, which couldn't be more contradictory as i think she is the nicest doctor i've ever met). with the way this clinic works, i doubt i'll get dr. doom again, but it sounds like the rest of the docs are just as nice.

i got to the clinic and the admin assistant showed me how to dip my own pee and write down the results. then i got some info to read and barely waited 1 minute when dr. doom came in. we chatted for a moment, she took the family/personal history, reviewed my prenatal bloodwork with me (apparently it's true - i have no immunity to rubella, which is weird... i only had my vaccination 4 years ago), and then proceeded to a Pap... but she explained every step of the way of what she was doing as if it was my first ever. she measured my uterus and i'm right at 18 cm, correlating to 18 weeks! woo hoo!!!!

then the funny part. now, dr. mccracken has had so much trouble trying to find and sustain the baby's heartbeat on the doppler. at the most, i've heard about 5 beats in a row before he would lose it and not be able to find it again. i told dr. doom this and said this baby has been very uncooperative in the past with the doppler. she said, "oh really?", then just put the doppler probe down and *voila* there's the heartbeat. stronger and clearer than i've ever heard it and we had it for probably at least 30 seconds before the baby moved. we could also hear the baby's kicking movements, at which dr. doom got so excited and shouted, "it's kicking!"

i was very worried with me being sick and all this past week... and it was so reassuring to hear the heartbeat so nice and strong. it was about 150 bpm. so i'm measuring the right size, the heartbeat is right on, and now i really really REALLY can't wait for the ultrasound on Monday!!!

next appointment at LRC - August 4.

trip to the ER

so 3 days ago, i was just suddenly hit by the flu. i haven't had the flu since i've been getting my yearly shots for 3 years or so. it started with a cough, then a really bad headache, then fever and chills.

now, normally, i would never go to the emergency because i have the flu... but i wasn't sure how the fever would affect the baby since all the books will tell you the baby shouldn't get too warmed up (hence, no hot baths or steamrooms). so after wrapping my head with an icy towel for a few hours, i finally gave in and called healthlink and talked to a lovely nurse named Barb. Barb was concerned about my heart rate (never less than 100 and as high as 133 bpm at rest) and shortness of breath. she also said maternal fever has to be looked at, no matter what the cause is. so she suggested i go to the emergency to be assessed.

we got to high river hospital at about 10:30. we registered and then the nicest triage nurse in the history of the nursing profession, earla, checked my blood pressure, heart rate, and temperature. yes, i have a fever. yes, my bp is elevated. yes, my heart rate is at 126 or so. she is concerned about my constant elevated heart rate and proceeds to an electrocardiogram.

that hospital was SO empty. i have never in my life seen such a quiet hospital emergency. it was rather eerie. shortly after the ECG, the lovely dr. walsh came and saw me. he felt i just had the flu (yes, thanks for that info) and that i just needed some TLC. he was very understanding that this is my first pregnancy and that i'm in uncharted waters here... was in no rush to send me out and did not, for a second, act as though i was wasting his time.

by 11:20 we were driving out of the hospital. an emergency room visit completed in less than an hour. have you ever heard of such a thing?

i am so incredibly impressed with the compassion of earla and dr. walsh. as of now, i'm so very glad that i chose to have my baby at this wonderful and caring hospital.

be aware of rubella

when i was at the doctor's on monday, he mentioned that in my prenatal blood work, my rubella antibody titer came back VERY low. which is very strange... i just had my MMR (measles, mumps, rubella) vaccine back in 2005. so as uncommon as it is these days, he said to be aware of children with rashes, as their parents may not be 100% certain that it's chicken pox or measles.

will do.

sick on vacay

this week, we were supposed to be at mom and dad konnert's in richmond. things didn't work out as planned and so jesse is working and i still have the week off. of course, since i decided to take time off for the first time in over a year, i get sick. i've been avoiding every sick contact i come across, basically haven't been in the outside world for socialization, only for grocery shopping and such. i don't know what happened or how i got sick, but i am. coughing non-stop, headache that prevents me from walking, and a slight fever. all i can do is wrap my head in an icy cold cloth and think happy thoughts. i know i can take tylenol, but tylenol has never really worked for me anyways, so i'm trying to get by without any meds. i just hope baby is okay.

Somersaults

dr. mccracken's office called to say they wanted to do an actual prenatal exam before i am seen in the low-risk clinic (LRC) next week. so i went, only to find out they wanted to do a pelvic exam (which i think i'll be getting at the LRC and so i declined) and prenatal blood work, which i did at the beginning of the month. so it became just another routine visit. dr. mccracken brought out the doppler again to try to hear the baby's heartbeat. well, we'd catch the beat for about 5 beats or so, then the baby would move. then we'd spend another minute looking for it, only to finally find it again and then the baby would move away again. so the doctor figured little baby konnert is doing some crazy somersaults in there. so in total, we heard maybe 10 beats.

of course my mom's response to me telling her this story was "what kind of a person can't sit still for 2 minutes? it sounds like the baby's gonna be just like you....

thanks mom.

i can't wait to be able to feel these somersaults and kicks!

next week is the LRC appointment and then the ultrasound a week later!!!!! woot woot!

all strollered out

Above: Graco Quattro Tour Milano
Below: Eddie Bauer Montecito

we spent the weekend at babies r us, sears, the bay... trying to find a stoller. apparently i'm to get on this because it may take time for the stroller to come in if we have to order it.

it would be really helpful if we had a mom (not my mom, i mean a mom who went through this in the recent past) help us out and let us know what to look for exactly. i must say, for folks who have never had to deal with strollers before, these things are darn complicated! jesse spent a great deal of time trying to take off a carseat off a chicco, but with no success. we couldn't figure out how to collapse a graco, so a 15-year-old clerk showed us how. we've heard a lot about these "quinny"s, but found the front wheels don't swivel and so it was frustrating to maneuver.

so far, we have two in mind. one is a graco quattro something milano from babies r us and the other is an eddie bauer something or other from the bay. they're both easy to collapse (once you figure out how to do it!), are decent looking (i'm not into crazy patterns for the most part), and are easy to maneuver. of course, they are travel systems so they come with a carseat. the thing we like about the eddie bauer one is that the material is nice and soft, not like windbreaker material (although that might mean it'll be harder to clean up if something were to spill). however, the eddie bauer one has no shoulder harness from what i could see and the umbrella part doesn't go too far down forward.

the price range for the two are similar, i think about $50 difference. it seems like every time we go shopping for baby stuff, we are completely overwhelmed by how clueless we are. i hope this is how all first time parents feel.... not just us...

Happy Birthday, Son!

My little baby is 1 year old today! We couldn't have asked for a better dog than Reggie.

Happy Birthday!

Love, Mommy and Daddy

thinking ahead

we were in edmonton for my aunt's 60th bday celebrations. my cousin susie has already told me she is getting us a stroller, so to scope one out relatively soon and let her know.

um. no idea. i'm so not even that far ahead. the only think i can think about is my ultrasound in a month. i do know that i would like a jogging troller - don't know yet what brands are good or what brands are even out there... gotta do some research.

also, susie said she is going to throw me a baby shower in october - after the baby is born would be to hectic with... well, i don't know.. christmas and all... and it'd be nice if it was before the snow started (eep, already thinking about snow!?).

my family is so excited for this baby and they're way ahead of us in planning, that's for sure. jesse and i need to catch up.

It's a BOY!

CONGRATULTATIONS Andy and Karla, who welcomed their baby boy, Eli Andrew Hope, on June 9, 2009. He is absolutely beautiful and we are so very happy for you guys!!!! I pray for a speedy recovery for Karla and a lifetime of good health for baby Eli~