intuition versus dreams

so the consensus in this household is that i'm gonna have a boy. i think so, jesse thinks so, my mom thinks so. i have nothing to go by - it's just that when i *look into the future*, i see a little baby boy.

i know i dipped a little into tae-gyo with my last post. now i'll be talking about tae-mong, which is the korean baby gender dream. koreans swear by these dreams, that they are accurate 100% of the time. it is most often dreamed by the pregnant woman, but those close to her can also have these dreams. certain symbols mean a certain gender. i'm still not 100% sure how one knows when she's had a tae-mong dream... but i'll give some examples.

when my mom was at the end of her pregnancy with my brother, she dreamt that she was walking down a path beside a luscious garden. this garden had cucumbers, eggplants, chili peppers, etc. hanging down from its "trees". this taemong = boy = my brother.

with me, my mom dreamt that someone gave her a ring (and so apparently a ring means a girl).

so as i've said, we're all pretty sure i'm gonna have a boy, but jesse and i've had weird dreams too.

a few weeks back, jesse dreamt of a banana sitting on our kitchen counter. while i thought this meant a boy (because it was a banana), my mom said because it was not hanging from a tree or whatever, it meant a girl.

yesterday, i took a 3-hour nap during which i dreamt someone took my hand and gave me a round fruit (i can't remember if it was an apple or an apple-pear). my mom says that too means girl.

but of course we're not sure if these dreams we've had are even tae-mong dreams. they could be random. i guess we'll find out soon enough!

tae-gyo

so koreans are well-known for their... beliefs... superstitions... whatever you'd like to call them. already i have my mom laying them down on me - things i can and can't do, can and can't eat, etc. this belief system that pertains to prenatal care is called tae-gyo. here are just a few points from it:

• the woman should not watch violent shows/movies.
• classical music should be the music of choice. no heavy music allowed.
• the woman should not eat foods (especially fruit) of irregular shape, as the baby may be born ugly.
• the father should read fairy tales to the baby daily.
• the woman should refrain from all negative thoughts and try not to be stressed.

again, these are just a few - and there are many - and they focus mostly on the emotional well-being and its believed effects on the baby. while i do not think eating ugly fruit = ugly baby, i don't think it could hurt to follow the rest of these principles, what harm can come of having my mind at ease? besides, it's kinda fun to have people try to "not stress me out". haha.

first look

we had our very first ultrasound today! of course, baby looks like just a little blob more than anything right now, but we got to see its heartbeat! nice and strong at 159 beats per minute and baby measured 1.3 cm - apparently exactly where it needs to be. so the due date is sitting right where it was, at december 9, 2009.

she scanned me and then called jesse in after and showed us together. it was a *moment* for us... unfortunately, they wouldn't give us a picture or CD this early.. apparently only at the 18-week ultrasound (which isn't until july).

it gives me such a thrill to really know there is a little person inside my belly. also, it's more real to us now that we actually got to see some proof.

now we can't wait for the next ultrasound in July! and i'm pretty sure we're gonna find out if it's a boy or girl.

dead tired

i don't know what it is. i think all my symptoms are gonna come basically full-force, but one at a time, and rather briefly. the very severe nausea and vomiting i wrote about in the last post only lasted about 2 days or so. now, i can barely stay awake during the day. yesterday, i could've slept all day. not even exaggerating. all day. and today too. i can sleep all day. unfortunately, i have to work, so i can't nap like i did yesterday, but it feels like i'm barely alive. it feels like i'm in a dream.

close the floodgates

on top of the all-throughout-the-day sickness, i am a complete emotional wreck. poor jesse. i cry easily at the best of times and now i'm just an unstoppable force of tears. not just weepy tears. oh no. these are the wailing, i-can't-breathe-i'm-crying-so-hard, my-world-is-ending type of tears.

jesse is in blairmore (about 2.5 hours southwest of here) for work and spent the night there. he'll be back later today. it's not like we've never been apart before (hello!? what about those summers and christmas breaks for all those years?), but last night i couldn't control myself. i cried and cried. i went into my mom's room and cried some more like a 4-year-old who woke up from the worst nightmare.

i am such a mess. i would be lying if i said i was enjoying being pregnant. but i know in the end it will all be worth it.

The Betrayal

i knew it was bound to happen... but then there were days when i thought i'd gotten off easy. it was happening slowly over the last few days. i'd be sitting at my desk working and out of nowhere - *gag*.

that *gag* has become more frequent and now i am throwing up. i can't stand the smell of food. i have no cravings other than i just want to eat spicy things in an effort to make the nausea go away. i actually don't want to eat at all. my body has betrayed a dear, dear friend - food. or is it the other way around? have i been betrayed by food?

either way, this sucks. but i think i read somewhere that the sicker you are, the healthier the baby is... so i hope this means our baby will be REALLY healthy.

Good News!

that's all. i can't disclose what that news is until i get permission.

but we're stoked!

when to tell...

so my mom has been on our case about our decision to not tell the rest of our family until later on (so far, all who know are my mom, jesse's mom and dad, my brother jesse, joey, and i'm guessing leah knows, though we haven't heard from her). i haven't even told my dad. two of my cousins and my aunt were here for easter weekend and, i have to admit, it was tough not spilling the beans. in fact, a few times we lied through our teeth!

anyways, dr. mccracken told me that about 20% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. although i hope that is not the case for us, there is still a possibility. we're trying to think positive though.

jesse and i've agreed that we would wait until we hit the second trimester (which would be the first week in june). my cousins ernest and genny are having their daughter anderson's birthday party on june 6, so we're thinking maybe that is the time to announce it - without stealing anderson's thunder.

but who knows? perhaps if at my ultrasound on may 1 everything looks as healthy as can be, we may change our mind.

No bananas, please

yesterday i had my first experience with uncontrollable nausea and gagging.

jesse was home and he was beside me eating toast and a banana. the second he peeled that banana, i was running to the bathroom, my hand covering my mouth.

the first doctor's appointment

on monday, april 6, called dr. mccracken and booked an appointment for that day. i had to pee into a cup and wait for the results. i thought i'd get a blood test... nope, just another pee test.

"so, are you feeling pregnant?" he says as he walks into the room.

"nope, not really. i just have some cramps and just a bit more tired than usual.. that's it."

then he goes on to tell me how 20% of pregnancies result in miscarriage, which instantly worries me.

as of right now, we think the due date is dec 9, 2009. i am going for an early ultrasound on may 1 to find out if that is accurate.

I saw the line (warning, may be TMI)

oh boy.

jesse and i talked about starting a family at the end of 2008 and decided we would try in the new year. we actually ended up waiting until the end of january because i wanted to get the "okay" from my gastroenterologist, dr. andrews, at my appointment on the 12th. he said we're good to go and i stopped taking the pill.

i went for a preconception checkup right away. the doctor told me it takes an average couple 6 months to a year to conceive. i, for some reason, thought it would take longer....

boy was i wrong. it took 1 month for my body to re-regulate itself after going off the pill. the month after that, we got pregnant.

last week of march, i was having daily cramps before aunt flow was due. that was weird for me because typically the cramps come the day of aunt flow's visit. at night, i couldn't sleep and sometimes i would wake up from the cramps. i couldn't be pregnant, i thought. it takes 6-12 months for the average couple...

friday, april 3, jesse and i went to get a movie - shoppers is next to blockbuster, so while jesse went to get a movie, i went to shoppers and picked up a 2-pack first response home pregnancy test. i hid it from jesse and he didn't even know that i had bought it.

saturday, april 4. i didn't realize that when i would wake up my life would be changed. i was expecting it 100% to be negative. nope. that pink line was definitely there. not even faint. DARK.

of course, i woke up jesse. turned on his bedside lamp and just held the stick there. his reaction? "what?... what? ... what is this??? what??? oh my gosh.... oh my gosh..." (that was exactly my reaction by the way).

later that morning i confirmed with the other test. we showed them to my mom, she was thrilled. couldn't believe it at first, but still thrilled. next, i called my brother. he's very happy for us. we waited a bit to call jesse's parents and ended up blurting it out rather than telling them calmly. dad said "that's fantastic!"... mom said "whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?"

we're pregnant. oh boy.