3/29/11

the university doesn't have my back

My back hurts. 

It's like right where it bends, right above my hips. Some days I am fine and some days I can hardly walk, sit, or drive. It's really frustrating when i have one of those days because I feel so limited in every way and I find it impossible to sit and work for more than 20 minutes at a time. Sitting is definitely the worst and unfortunately for me, my job is to sit in front of the computer all day. When it hurts, it makes my right leg feels like it's falling asleep and sore - that's the leg i use for my pedal. 

After talking to a few folks, i decided to look into cutting down my work day or, drastically, going on short-term disability.

I happened to have my annual review yesterday, so after the review part was over, i decided to talk to my boss about my options. She is a great woman and offered me many alternatives, but a sick leave or new position (going down to part-time) is not something in her power to offer to me. She told me who to contact to talk to about sick leave and I called her today. 

She basically told me i don't have a "case" for sick leave. Pregnant women have back pain - that's the unfortunate truth and i wouldn't qualify for medical accommodation or medical leave. i don't know why i pay into my benefits if i can't even use them when i need them? It clearly states in our union handbook that we are eligible for up to 45 days of sick leave before the start of maternity leave if the illness was affecting my work, which i believe it is... and i NEVER had this kind of back pain with Gemma, so not ALL pregnant women have back pain. Ugh, it makes me mad to think about it. 

95% of the time, i love working for the university. Right now, it's 5% of those times where i am not happy. 

arrrgh!

3/28/11

New room woes

Gemma's room is now fully furnished with lovely furniture. She is still in her crib, pretty much still in the same spot as it was before, and yet she seems to be having a hard to adjusting to the change. During the day when she is playing in the room, she is fine. she loves to open and close all her drawers, dig through their contents, and climb up on to the bed and play on the bed. When it comes to nap time or bedtime, however, she doesn't go down as easily. I'm not sure if it's all the new distractions or the way the room still smells of freshly painted furniture (even though we try to air out the room as much as we can), but she seems to have a harder time falling asleep. Any idea what it could be? And is there anything i can do other than just let time do its thing?

3/26/11

Duck, duck, ... mmm....

The other week, i had the worst craving for Arby's mozzarella sticks. It was nearly 10 PM and even though we drove to the nearest location in Calgary, it was already closed. However, in the same strip mall as Arby's, i saw a restaurant called something "Peking House". I can only think of one thing when i hear the word "peking", which of course is duck. and i LOVE peking duck! Sometimes Jesse and I will drive nearly an hour to the nearest T&T and buy a BBQ duck and eat it at home with just some rice. It's been so long though that we had eaten duck in a restaurant in a course meal and i had oddly been thinking of duck for a few weeks. and it was just by pure chance that we had seen this place. Even though we've been here nearly 4 years, we still don't know Calgary very well and have yet to discover our places that we like to eat. 

So yesterday we talked about trying out this something "Peking House" and we drove to Canyon Meadows (about a 20-minute drive). My mom doesn't eat duck and she was out anyway, so just the three of us went. We ordered the three-course peking duck meal, which consists of duck skin wraps, duck fried rice or noodle (we got noodles), and duck soup. If you aren't familiar with this, they take the crispy skin off the duck and you get little flour wraps, some veggies, and like a garlicky hoisin sauce to wrap it all up. Then they take the meat off the duck and make the noodle or rice dish. Then, they take the bones/carcass of the duck and make a soup. It's really quite delicious (and a lot of food for two adults!) and usually runs about $40-$50 for the meal. 

I have never seen Gemma eat like that my entire life. She ate nearly two wraps on her own, was basically crying for more duck meat, loved the noodles, and even slurped up the soup! We had to almost cut our dinner early and leave because i was scared Gemma was actually going to explode. She wouldn't stop eating and kept dragging noodles off the center plate! We had to loosen her car seat straps to fit her in; i've never seen her belly so big.

As much as i love what a good eater Gemma is, i think she lacks the part of the brain that tells her she should stop eating when full - and i'm guilty of passing that on to her...

now....where's that leftover duck??

Big Girl Furniture

About a month ago, i put in an order for Gemma's big girl furniture. It was a set i had my eye on for quite some time, so i jumped right on it when i saw it was on sale. Unfortunately it was on backorder for nearly a month so the wait was longer than usual, but nonetheless, we received it yesterday. 

Some members in my extended family have bought Cafekid furniture before and loved their heirloom quality. it's not made of the cheap particle boards that you find in most IKEA furniture - it's actual solid pieces of wood. So you can imagine, it was torture for Jesse trying to haul the boxes up our two flights of stairs. Thankfully a coworker came by after work to help him with the dresser - which came pre-assembled and so was really really heavy. 

Gemma, my mom, and I went out this morning to do some shopping and when we got back, Jesse had finished assembling the bed. It is beautiful and has a trundle, which she will be able to use for sleepovers or for the new baby or for daddy when daddy gets kicked out for snoring. Gemma was so excited last night and wanted to help Jesse so bad with the assembly. I can't wait to get her some beautiful bedding to go with her beautiful new bed. 

I really hope she will be okay to sleep in it by the end of June. I don't want to make the bed transition when the new baby is already here and i hope to have her used to sleeping in it by the time her new sibling arrives. It's so funny to see Gemma in her bed though - she looks so tiny in it! Reminds me of the first time i brought her home from the hospital and laid her in her crib .... how tiny she looked.... oh no, here's comes nostalgia again...

My New Dresser!

Helping Dad

Ooh, a wheel!
My New Bed! (needs bedding)

trying out the trundle with Harmony

3/24/11

Silly Girls

We have Gemma's BFF, Maeve, for the day. Right now, Gemma is throwing our plush soccer ball at Maeve's head and Maeve is laughing her head off every time.

3/22/11

A Korean Palate

So far, Gemma is really embracing her Korean side. She just loves Korean food. My mom is a wonderful cook and she makes pots and pots of delicious soups and freezes them in small portions for Gemma. Gemma has yet to show any dislike for any soups her harmony makes. On top of that, she loves kimchi (which is a spicy pickled cabbage dish). We rinse off the spiciness by rinsing the kimchi pieces in water and Gemma loves to have that accompany her meals. Her favorite snacktime meal is just rice wrapped in seaweed. She can't get enough of it. She loves myulchi (like a stir-fried dried anchovy dish) and harmony's garlicky spinach. She also just loves to eat plain rice (that's my daughter!) and drink boricha (roasted barley or corn tea). 

For the last month or so, Gemma has been really practicing feeding herself with a spoon and now she can eat an entire bowlful of food without making much of a mess. It sure makes our lives easier not having to give her each spoonful, even if it means the cleanup is more work than it used to be. I am so proud of how independent she is and how she wants to do everything on her own with as little help as possible. Of course, if she wants your help, she always says please and thanks you afterward. She just melts my heart!

3/18/11

etouffee, creole, cabbage

So I couldn't bring myself to make the etouffee after seeing how I gained so much weight in such a short amount of time. So I decided to go with a similar dish, a bit more heart and weight-friendly. Shrimp creole. While it is not what I wanted, I thought it would be close enough. I used Emeril's recipe and it was good. Not great. but good. Whatever. got the cajun craving out of my system.

Now I can't stop thinking about a food from my childhood - Ukrainian sour cabbage rolls. Surprised it's not a korean dish? Well I did grow up in a small Ukrainian town in northernish Alberta. and in all my time there I have never, ever seen cabbage rolls like you see them everywhere - huge, covered in tomato sauce/juice, full of meat, and not sour at all. What the heck is that? I was so shocked the first time I saw these in Edmonton. It's virtually impossible to find sour cabbage rolls anywhere - small, filled with rice and bits of bacon, buttery, sour, and none of that tomato crap on top! I had found one baba vendor at the Strathcona Farmer's Market, but seeing as how I no longer live in Edmonton and we tend to go up on sundays when the market's not open, I decided to take matters into my own hands.

Before Gemma was born, i used to make my own cabbage rolls and freeze them. Of course they don't compare with what the babas used to make, but it's better than the stuff you find at the farmer's markets around here. Where are all the Ukrainians in southern Alberta??? Someone told me I would find a baba in Millarville and so I was excited when I found her little trailer at the Millarville market. Um. What kind of a Ukrainian baba sells "cajun chicken cabbage rolls?" An outrage!

Anyways, I figure i'm only going to get busier once #2 comes, so I am actually going to make time to sit and make a few batches to freeze. It's so time consuming (especially when you're doing it all alone) but oh so worth it. Even if it's not exactly the REAL thing... ugh, I'm salivating just thinking about the sour, buttery goodness... mmm

3/17/11

shocking

I haven't weighed myself since my last prenatal appointment, which was 4 weeks ago. As I got ready to go for my appointment today, I decided to see what my weight was. Apparently I should weigh myself more regularly so I'm not so shocked by what the scale is telling me.

I've gained 8 pounds in the last 4 weeks. Before that, I hadn't gained any. My jaw dropped to the floor when I saw the numbers - that's like 2 pounds a week! and Jesse, in trying to cheer me up, says "it's all baby" .... well that doesnt cheer me up at all! I don't want to give birth to a 12 pound baby!

3/16/11

Can't get etouffee out of my head

It is possible to crave something you've never tasted before? 

All day, I've been obsessing over a dish I've never eaten before. ETOUFFEE. This is a cajun/creole dish from New Orleans that is basically a roux of oil and flour, then the "holy trinity" of green pepper, onion, and celery, and shrimp or crawfish with cajun seasoning. I guess you eat it on rice or on slices of french bread. 

So how did i come about this odd craving?

This morning I got a notification on Facebook that someone had commented on my status from the weekend. As soon as i saw her name, i pictured a Rough Riders jersey and then i was thinking about football. Then i remembered this Rachael Ray episode where she had these football players come on the show and make their signature dishes. One of the guys made an etouffee and I remember at the time thinking that is such a weird dish to have a base of nearly a cup of oil and flour. Anyways, my mind was transfixed on this etouffee and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it since i got that facebook notification. Even while i was making one of our favorite dinners tonight (grilled flank steak with mushroom risotto), i couldn't stop drooling over the taste of etouffee that i was imagining in my head. 

I love Louisiana food - po'boys, jambalayas, blackened fish and chicken, etc. but i've never had etouffee before. So i'm pretty sure i'll like it - just still not sure about all that oil...

So if i can get through tonight and not stay up all night thinking about it, I am planning on making it tomorrow. I looked up tons of recipes and it seems simple enough. I think i can do it. 

I'll let you know if it tastes as heavenly as I am imagining it to be....

3/15/11

Another 18 Weeks???

Tomorrow begins my 22nd week. Honestly though, I really wonder how i am going to manage through the rest of this pregnancy. I'm HUGE. In retrospect, i wish i took more belly pictures when i was pregnant with Gemma so i have something to compare to. But I definitely feel like I look at least 32 weeks right now. My belly has already started snuggling up to where my boobs are and it sure is hard to breathe already. Not to mention i have back pain like i've never had before. The other day I felt like my back was about to snap into two. I never had pain like that before. 

As the pregnancy progresses, it sure is becoming more apparent how different it is this time around. I never felt this exhausted with Gemma, I don't think. From the get-go I've been so stinking TIRED and feel like i have no energy. Yeah, i'm sure it's different seeing how i have a 15 month old to chase after, but the truth is I don't even get to spend that much time with Gemma from working all day. I think at most I spend - and i mean give her my full attention - for about 3, maybe 4 hours in a day. So I'm not picking her up constantly or chasing after her constantly. In fact, I sit and type all day, but for some reason I feel like I'm running a triathlon.

Is this just because it's my second? Man, it's tough this time around. I sure hope this big belly doesn't mean i'll have a 10+ pounder... oh my gosh... i can't even think about that....

3/13/11

A Day with Dada

On Saturday, I took my mom for her massage appointment. Four hours later, this is what we came home to...
notice the crazy hair and the majorly food-stained shirt & sweater...
...and the lack of pants around her waist.

3/9/11

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!

Call me crazy, but at the risk of having Gemma throw up all over the place, i gave her scrambled eggs for breakfast yesterday.

She ate it.

She didn't throw up within the hour.

She didn't throw up wthin 2 hours.

In fact, she didn't throw up all day! She has been fine and happy and just her normal self!

I guess she's not allergic and whatever was bugging her before, she must have grown out of it! Yay!!! what a relief. WHAT A RELIEF!!!!

3/8/11

For the love of DOG

If you are a friend of mine on facebook, you might know that we were looking for a new home for our dog, Reggie. The reasons for that were just the fact that with Gemma around and the baby on the way, he is getting more and more neglected, as well as yelled at for reasons he can't help. I don't want Gemma and this baby to grow up learning that yelling at the dog (or throwing things here and there at the dog) is okay. Pets are to be respected and loved. What a hippocrite, right? Exactly. That's why I felt he needed to go.

We bought Reggie from a breeder in Regina almost 3 years ago. After a lot of research, we decided on a Papillon as they had the size, temperament, and the looks that we were looking for. They are also ridiculously smart. Plus a bonus is that they shed very little due to only having a single coat.

One of my happiest memories is picking him up from the airport. Poor little guy, shaking and so scared from the flight over. He immediately attached himself on to me and cuddles on my lap as we drove home. I was in love with him instantly.

He is my son, my firstborn, i like to call him. I know he is only a dog, but to us he has been much more. We took him on all vacations. He always went with us everywhere unless it was too hot or too cold to sit in the car for very long.

Let me share an intimate childhood tidbit with you. I grew up in a home where pets were not respected at all. in fact, i don't know why we ever had them. For the few years my dad lived with us after we moved to canada, we had three dogs. A huskey named Candy, a toy poodle cross named Happy, and a rottweiler cross named Trident. My dad bought me Candy for maybe my 10th birthday. I never asked for a dog, but that's what i got. He built a fenced off area in our back yard and that's where she lived. She was fed when we remembered and watered when we remembered, which was not often. She was never walked and often dug a hole under the fence to escape. In the winter she probably ate snow to survive and in the summer whatever poor mouse happened to creep inside her fence. She was completely neglected. Yet, she lived for 10+ years in that misery. I was so young i didn't know how to take care of a dog and no one taught me how. In fact, i found it annoying when someone would say to me that i should go give the dog some water. It was another chore for me that i didn't want to do.

A year after we got Candy, we got Happy, the small toy poodle cross. My dad, not having a clue as to how to train her, got fed up with her as she peed and pooped all over the house. She peed on my bed once and i was so angry i threw her little body down the stairs and broke her leg. We never took her to the vet and so all her life she had an atrophied back leg as she would not walk on it. My dad eventually threw her outside to live - on the deck - through every season, including the -40 winters of northern alberta. She was unrecognizable, covered in mats, dirty, and just dying for any and all attention. Finally, my aunt and uncle took her to their home and trained and raised her. She lived with them for many years until she was lost while being dog-sat by my cousin.

We only had Trident for a short while. After many just mere months, she was sent off to my aunt and uncle's gas station about an hour away to keep watch. But while she lived with us, she shared the same fate as Candy as they lived together in the fenced area.

When Jesse and I talked about getting a dog for ourselves, for me it was a way of undoing all the bad that i've done to my previous dogs. To this day, when i look back, i have so much guilt about how those dogs lived while under "my" care.

Well, this single-coated dog never got the genetic memo and in fact has a double coat, which means he sheds. more than he should. At first, it didn't bug me much, but then once i started seeing Gemma pull out dog hair from her mouth constantly, it became an issue. Even though i try to vacuum at least three times a week, it seemed the dog hair was everywhere, all the time. Plus, my mom not being a dog person herself, was always nagging me to get rid of the dog "for the health of the baby". Finally i got fed up with the hair and the nagging and convinced Jesse we needed to let him go where he would be loved more. More than anything, it was important to me that Gemma grow up not abusing animals as i did. I didn't want her to learn these bad things from me.

So after much thought and arguing, we decided to find a new home for Reggie. I talked to a few ladies at my work who love dogs and one of them agreed to talk to her family yesterday. I cried all night thinking about how i failed yet again to love a dog and how poor Reggie had to suffer because of me. I am his family and i was abandoning him.

So i talked to my mom and asked her to stop saying "this dog has got to go". It turns out she has plenty of guilt of her own about the dogs in the past and she felt just the way i did about the way he was being treated right now. We talked long and decided we would change for the sake of this poor innocent dog, who did nothing wrong. We decided to keep his hair supershort so that we wouldn't notice it everywhere as much. We decided no matter what, he is our responsibility and it is our duty to love him.

Sorry for the novel. I don't know why but i felt i wanted to write this in here.

3/7/11

some puke and some change

For the most part, it was a good weekend. It was busy, but productive. Jesse got started on the basement and has framed out a wall and a half. I helped by writing down measurements and scrutinizing everything (like a good wife does, LOL). We went to church yesterday and had a lovely outing at the mall.

On friday, I finished work a little early and went out to the Meat store. When I came back, I noticed my mom was just furious about something and Gemma was in a corner just playing and reading books. I asked her what was wrong and she just blew up! Apparently Reggie (our dog) had a little upchucking accident and threw up a couple of his kibbles on the rug under the kitchen tablet. That rug is very patterned and so it's hard to pick anything out on there. I guess Gemma was just going about her business when she spotted the throwup and then was checking it out with her hands. I guess curiosity got the best of her and she tasted some of it and at that moment she burst out crying. My mom was doing something probably in the kitchen and when Gemma began to cry she looked over and saw she had something on her hands and around her mouth. Then she saw what it was and basically had a heart attack. She rinsed out Gemma's mouth and washed her hands and then waited for me to come home to tell me what she has been telling me for a year now - that dog has got to go.

On saturday evening, just after supper, Gemma and I were just hanging out and then I decided to go check facebook or email or something. My mom's computer happened to be on, so i went to her room to use it. Gemma followed me and climbed up on to the bed, which she likes to do. Then, while I am looking at the computer screen, I hear a big *gulp*. I look over, not sure of what I just heard. She looks at me proudly with a coin in each hand. I of course then immediately have a heart attack and I ask her, calmly, but worried, if she ate a coin. Of course she just bursts out crying and I'm crying on the inside.

I called Healthlink and the nurse suggests that because the coin could be bigger than Gemma's three middle fingers put together, she needs to be seen right away. But I am not even sure if she swallowed anything. She is not one to swallow things that taste weird/bad (like the dog puke). On top of that, when I tell mom, she says that she didn't swallow anything because the change on her bed was the six cents she had in her pocket that she picked up from somewhere else in the house (gemma had a nickel and a penny).

Well we head to Urgent Care anyway. Gemma is fine in that she is not choking, puking up blood, or having trouble breathing/swallowing. The nurses joke that she is fine because she is screaming her head off as they take her temperature. When we got there, there were about 2 people in front of us. Then, more and more people came and more and more we were getting pushed back. Finally we left, as it was WAY past Gemma's bedtime and the doctor was probably going to suggest we look for it in her poop in the next 3 days as the healthlink nurse had suggested. If she showed symptoms, we could come back then.

well, Gemma is fine and she hasn't pooped anything out, but there probably isn't anything to poop out. I will let you know if we find a shiny something in her diaper in the next day or so though.

I can't help but to feel like the most neglectful mother in the world when things like this happen. I sometimes wonder if my children will make it through their childhood in one piece...

3/4/11

Name Game

Ahh, one of the very first decisions as a parent that you have to make - finding a name for your baby. We were lucky with Gemma - I heard it, loved it, and that was it. It was perfect in that it wasn't a very popular name (well, so i thought - now i see Gemmas everywhere) and that it was two syllables and that it was easy enough for the old folks in my family to pronounce. Plus, it has the nice meaning of a "gem" or "precious stone".

I know we didn't find "Gemma" until probably my third trimester and before that we had a few other names picked out. Looking back, I can't picture Gemma being a "so and so" and "so and so". Weirdly enough too, i don't really like any of those names anymore.

Once again, finding a name for this baby is proving to be a challenge. Jesse and I can't seem to agree in many ways. He likes names that are almost TOO old fashioned. These are my criteria: it can't be too popular, has to be easy to say, should be spelled the way it is to be pronounced, and it should have a nice meaning. It may sound weird that it has to mean something nice and i didn't think it so important before, but i think it does matter to some extent. For example, one of the names that i liked for a boy was "Cael", but the name means DOG. I don't want my kid's name to mean DOG. Know what i mean?

I am hoping we have another one of those eureka! moments with this baby's name. In the meantime, I am pretty sure what I want its name to be, but Jesse isn't completely sold. But i keep telling him that now that i know what labor and delivery feels like, he has no choice in the matter. LOL. I was naive before. LOL.

How did you go about choosing your baby's name? Book? TV? just something you heard? something you've always loved?

3/3/11

Half Way Done

I can't believe how quickly this pregnancy is passing by already. I am 20 weeks today, meaning I'm officially half way through! I'm feeling good. The fatigue seems to have passed me by and I have more energy than ever. Unfortunately I still don't love food and I'm at the point where I look through a cooking magazine or cookbooks and all I can think is "eww". I'm usually so inspired by cookbooks and love to cook. Lately though, I don't want to cook at all. Or bake, for that matter. And I still only want to eat crap foods, no vegetables or fruit. Still juicing and trying to make up for lost nutrients, but I doubt it's giving me all that i need. My mom always says she didn't eat well during her pregnancy with my brother and he came out all dark and wrinkly. She said she couldn't believe that was her baby, he was so ugly. LOL. I hope that's not the case with this baby....LOL

Other than that, Gemma and I are suffering a nasty head cold. I'm starting to get over mine while Gemma is just hitting the worst of it. She is having a really hard time napping during the day and while she needs more rest than ever now that she is sick, she can barely sleep 1 hour during the day. I am glad that at least the weather is so miserable so we don't feel so bad about being cooped up in the house. I guess it gives us an excuse to stay home and try to rest.

3/1/11

Nesting

I can't remember exactly, but I think I got this so-called nesting urge around this time with Gemma too. But lately, I've been in this crazy get-organized mood. We ordered Gemma's bedroom furniture, we sold our upstairs couches in order to replace it with a single smaller sectional/chaise type of thing, bought cubbies for Gemma's toys over the weekend, placed some "for free" ads on Kijiji for some crap in the basement that we don't want to bother with anymore (and boy, did those go fast!), went through our closets to pick out clothes for donations, and I still feel like I have a million things to do. With Gemma I was so tired and feeling very unmotivated in the last month of my pregnancy and I guess my body knew it would poop out or something because I went all crazy a few months before to get everything done. It must be the same thing right now. Jesse just laughs at me, which is frustrating at times because he doesn’t seem to get my "urgency" for getting things done. Oh men... or rather, oh man.