A Sense of Pride

I am so proud of myself for breastfeeding. Someone asked me why I chose to breastfeed and all I could think was, "why wouldn't I breastfeed?"

Yes, the first weeks were incredibly hard. I would say it took about 7 weeks or so for things to get comfortable, but I'm glad I sought help to ease the latching discomfort and also with the oversupply issue and I'm thankful that there were resources available to me and people willing to help me. 

Nowadays, I actually love breastfeeding. I love that I can provide for her something that no one else can. I love that I am giving her the best nutrition that I can. I love that she is thriving and growing so perfectly on my milk only. It's a relaxing time for me and Gemma. I also feel a sense of pride when I'm in a mom's group or in a nursing room at the mall.

Not to mention how much I love it when she looks up at me and smiles as to say "oh hi there mommy, this is so good! thank you".

You're welcome, honey bun.

**For all you formula moms out there, this is in no way a knock on you. Everybody is different and everybody has different reasons. What matter is that your baby eats and is healthy, right?

Infant Nutrition Class

Yesterday I went to the Infant Nutrition Class in High River for an introduction to solids. It was taught by a dietitian and a public health nurse. I think I basically knew all the info except that you don't have to start with rice cereal! In fact, the dietitian suggested meat (extremely well cooked and pureed) as the best first food because of it being a natural source of iron, rather than something fortified with iron.

She also said you should really keep a lookout for signs that your baby is ready for solids because you don't want to miss this window of opportunity. To be honest, I think Gemma is very ready; she can sit up in her high chair unassisted, is extremely interested in our food and always reaches for what we're eating or drinking, can drink out of a cup if i offer it to her, and lately has been holding her own bottle if she's given one. Oh and she often seems unsatisfied after breastfeeding in the afternoon and early evening.

I do want to wait though. She'll be 5 months in 2 weeks and I will revisit the issue then. The doctor gave me the okay to start her on cereal right away if i wanted to, though.

a pearly surprise

It's been a few days since I've posted... my laptop power cord is on the fritz and i've been too lazy to find a chair to sit on to use the desktop computer. anyways....

So, my last post was regarding all the whining Gemma was doing since last last Thursday-ish. She had been cranky and naps were disturbed and I figured she was teething and I expected it to go on for a long time. 

Last Thursday (Apr 22), Gemma was EXTREMELY grouchy all morning. We went to Rhythm and Rhyme and usually when we're out in public, Gemma is quite well behaved because she is distracted by all the things she can look at. This time, she was very cranky during R&R. When we got home, I fed her. Usually she is quite content after she eats, but this time she could not stop crying. I didn't know what was wrong with her, but saw a little lump in her inner cheek that looked like it had a little cut in it. I thought maybe that was why she was crying. Then i saw it. 

A tooth. 

The bizarre thing is that i had been looking for a tooth for a long time, but apparently in the wrong place. I think it's quite normal for the front bottom two teeth to come first, and then the top two. But this is definitely not a middle tooth. I think it is a molar or a canine. It's on the bottom left side and it had rubbed against her cheek and made a little raised lump.The funny thing is, by that evening, she was back to normal.

I'm taking her to see the doctor tomorrow to find out the prognosis of this tooth; and to find out that it is indeed a tooth.

Gemma... why do you need a tooth right now? and why couldn't you have it come out in the middle bottom like a normal baby? LOL. She is a difficult child... but then again, she is MY daughter :)

little miss whiner

i'm gonna blame it on teething. Gemma's been whining and whining like crazy. Before, she would cry when she would be upset and stop almost immediately if she were picked up. If she cried while she was being held, it meant she was tired and needed to sleep.

Over the past few days, maybe since last Thursday, she began whining non-stop. It's not exactly crying and it continues even when she is held... just a "waaah.... waaahhhh" kind of thing. Naps have been definitely affected, but thank goodness she is still an angel through the night. 

I wish I could do something to help her if it is her gums that are bothering her. I offered a cold washcloth, cold teething rings, and even romain lettuce (which she liked the best, clamping down on the cold rib of the leaves).

to be honest, though i feel really bad for her that she might be in a lot of discomfort, i'm having a hard time dealing with her whining all the time. i know she will be teething for months/years to come, but i hope the whining doesn't accompany it for the entire duration.

The Bigger Person

My mom always told me to be the bigger person in a conflict situation. Don't stoop to their level. You just do your part that is right and they won't be able to use anything against you later.

I think by nature (me being Korean), I was born with some kind of fighting gene in my DNA. I don't understand how things are supposed to resolve themselves without being talked about. If you need to fight about it, then isn't it better to fight than not know of each other's feelings and continue to repeat the offenses? If an argument results in the silent treatment or something like that, then so be it! I think that's better than always being stressed out about something. Also, if you know you're in the wrong, why is it so hard to admit and apologize?

It's a constant struggle between Jesse and I. He is so passive and would rather ignore a situation than confront it. I, on the other hand, don't understand why he would rather ignore something. 

I love Jesse. I really do... and as much as I hope Gemma takes after Jesse's patience and kindness, I hope she will take after me in that she will fight for what's right.

Well Thank Goodness...

Gemma doesn't have my chinky eyes. 

What?

Yesterday one of my mom's coworkers told me that he liked my chinky eyes, that his ex-wife had chinky eyes like mine... and that Gemma doesn't have my chinky eyes... her eyes are big. 

Normally I would've clocked him in the face, but I didn't. His only saving grace was that he is Filipino, so Asian himself, which is the only reason I let it go. I guess he figures it's okay to say the "c" word to another Asian person.

Quite honestly, i don't think my eyes are that "chinky", whatever that means. I mean there are smaller, more stretched-out looking eyes out there. I think with me, my face is fat (yes, i admit it) and so my eyes look smaller. Also, my glasses prescription is -9.25 in each eye, so my lenses greatly reduce the size of my eyes.

When i was little, my eyes were just like Gemma's. and just like Gemma, i didn't have that extra eyelid fold like the white folks have, but my eyes were big like hers. i'll post a picture some time just to show you.

I worry now that somebody someday is gonna tell Gemma her eyes are chinky and she will resent me for it. I guess the best thing i can do is try to raise her to love her korean side so she can stick up for herself and her background... and i guess i can't protect her from all the ignorance in this world...

Southpaw

i know it's too early to tell, but i think Gemma is gonna be left-handed. when she reaches, it's with her left. when she sucks on her hand, it's usually the left. she has a strong grip and can "lift" things and can "lift" heavier things with her left. When she nurses on my left side, she is lying on her right and reaches up with her left hand to grab my hair, squeeze my bicep, pull on my glasses, or pinch my mouth. When she lies on her left and her right hand is free, she does none of that. 

Maybe she'll be ambidextrous. My dad, my mom's sister, and my mom's niece (my cousin) are all ambidextrous. My dad claims he was born left-handed, but they forced him to change hands. My ambidextrous cousin is a talented artist and she can draw with both hands at the same time! Wouldn't that be cool if Gemma could also do that!?

Postpartum Surprises

At Baby & Me today, we talked about postpartum issues. Of course there was a discussion about postpartum depression, but we delved into what we had anticipated (before baby) in terms of our social life, relationship with our spouses, physical changes, sexual changes, and relationships with others.

For me, i think the biggest unexpected thing was how my relationship with my mom would change. I can honestly say we are closer than ever. She has been my rock through labor and if it wasn't for her, I think I would have gone insane in the first week. She is a phenomenal grandmother and I can truly tell that she loves Gemma with all her heart and is happy to spend time with her. I feel like I am now able to see the world through a mother's eyes and so am very thankful to her for raising me the way she did. Even though I resented her throughout my teenage years and my biggest fear in life was turning into her, I can only hope that I'm half the mother my mom was to me and raise Gemma the way she raised me. Thank you mom, I love you.

Another thing would be that while I knew beforehand I would have to force myself to be social, I am surprised by how easy it is and how much I'm enjoying it. I enjoy Baby & Me classes, I like the get-togethers with the moms from my childbirth class, I look forward to the swimming and Rhythm & Rhyme classes. I also would like to join the mom's group at the church we've been attending. Yesterday, I met up with a person who i met through an on-line mom's group. Next Friday, Crystal and I might attempt Salsa Babies! If 2 years ago someone would have told me I'd be doing all this, I'd say no way. So thank you Gemma for bringing mommy out of her shell.

arrrrrgh....

i don't know why i always sabotage myself. 

We have a great routine. Gemma wakes up around 6 AM to eat, then she goes back down to sleep until about 8 or 9. Then she eats again, plays, then naps. She typically wakes up right about 3 hours after she ate last, so then this repeats; she eats, plays, then naps. The routine ends at about 5 or 6 PM, depending on what time she wakes up from her latest nap. Then we play, have a bath, play, eat, play quietly for a very short time, then we cuddle and she goes down for the night at about 8:30-9.

Then people tell me: 

"her bedtime is too late", "you should let her soothe herself", "she's sleeping too much", "she's not eating enough", "she's not warm enough", blah blah blah. 

Then I start to think, "hmmm. maybe her bedtime IS too late... maybe i should let her cry it out a bit.... maybe she IS napping too much... maybe I should wake her during the night to feed her... maybe i should put more layers on her"

Then I put her down earlier with disastrous results through the night, where neither we nor she gets any sleep.

I let her cry for an hour to no avail. I truly don't believe that method works for every baby.  Besides, I will only get maybe a couple years where she LIKES to be cuddled. I want to make the most of that time.

She naps a total of about 5 hours or so during the day. She also plays A LOT. If she doesn't nap when she wants to, she is cranky and overtired and doesn't sleep as well at night.

If she wanted to eat in the middle of the night, I'm sure she would wake up to do so, right? She is gaining weight and growing nicely.

Gemma sleeps in a footed cotton sleeper, is swaddled in a large receiving blanket, and then a chenille blanket on top with a knitted blanket on top of that. do you really think she needs to wear more clothes? 

I'm starting to get fed up with the things i "should do" or "shouldn't do"as a parent. We have a routine that works perfectly with our schedule. What is the problem?

Stats, as promised

weight: 14 lb 5 oz (between 50 and 75th percentile)

length: 25.5 inches (between 75th and 90th percentile)

head circumference: in the 60th percentile (surprising... i always thought she had a huge head)

She didn't even notice the first needle. She cried very briefly with the other two, but quickly calmed down. The nurse was impressed. I also received a bunch of information on solid foods - hard to believe she'll be starting that before her next appointment. 

i've said it before and i'll say it again... my baby is growing up too fast.

4 months

That's right. Gemma is 4 months old today. I don't have any stats (weight and such) to post right now, but will after her 4-month shots tomorrow.

Developmentally, this is what she is doing:

• reaching out and grabbing (plants, wall decorations, my glasses, etc)
• talking like crazy
• turning to look when being called
• trying REALLY hard to roll over back to front, but hasn't succeeded yet
• laughing out loud (especially at kicking people... i don't know if that's good or bad, but it sure is cute)
• keep head level with body when pulled to sitting position, then "standing up"
• making strange (this one is not so fun)
• and everything else I've mentioned before

I'm so proud of my baby!

One year ago today...

...I woke Jesse up with a positive pregnancy test.

and while I knew I would be having a baby, never could I have imagined that baby would be Gemma. To be honest, I wasn't sure how much I would like being a mom or how much I could possibly love her. I can tell you now though that I love being Gemma's mommy and I love her more than I ever imagined I could.

Does that make sense? I dunno...

busy, busy, busy

In 2 weeks, I'm going to start taking Gemma to the pool for mom & baby "swimming". It runs everyday.

There is also a "rhyme time" thing for babies at the Public Library that is every Wednesday that I'm thinking about taking Gemma to.

Baby and Me classes are Tuesday mornings, which I hope to continue attending until classes end in June.

I have more to do now than ever. Who knew being a stay-at-home mom was the busiest job of all?