worth the money

i am a huge fan of cheap baby stuff. All the clothes i buy for Gemma are either from Costco or Superstore. I never shop at Baby Gap or Children's Place or anything like that unless I have a gift card or something. I just can't justify paying more than like $10 for any item of baby clothing, not when they grow out of it so fast and not when it gets so darn dirty. 

When Gemma was a couple months old, BRU (Babies R Us) had a sale on their Safety 1st Alpha Omega convertible car seats. They were getting rid of the previous year's models and it was something like 40% off the regular price. Well Jesse and I practically ran over there and bought one for $100. Then we came home to find out it wouldn't fit in our Matrix, so we installed it in the Envoy. Whatever, we had time before Gemma had to move into that seat anyway. 

As time goes on, Gemma grows and puts on some more baby weight. We often use the Envoy so she has to sit in the A&O car seat more often (rear facing at this point). She hates this car seat, but i convince myself she will be better once she is forward facing. But i can see she is like jack-knifed and very uncomfortable. Give it time. Forward facing and she will be better. 

Not the case. She hates it even more forward facing. We bought a Britax Diplomat for the Matrix, which cost over triple what we paid for the A&O. But it was the only car seat that would fit in the Matrix comfortably rear-facing, so we caved and got it. She loves this seat. Forward facing, she loves it even more. We can drive somewhere without her turning blue from screaming so much. YAY!

So a few weeks ago, we decided the A&O has to go. We gave it to our cousin to try it with their baby, as babies are different and maybe Ruby wouldn't mind it so much. Yesterday i went and got the Britax Marathon from Kac'z Kids. Again, $300. BUT OH MY GOODNESS. today, we tried it out for the first and it proved that it was worth every stinking penny. Gemma was soooooooooooooooooooooo relaxed and comfortable in that thing. Then she passed out after 10 minutes of driving, not anywhere close to her nap time, and stayed asleep even when the car was parked (which never happens). She didn't throw a fuss, not once, and seemed to really like it. 

So i learned my lesson that with some things you just can't cheap out. Not if it can allow me to keep some of my sanity. LOL.

Our Baby...number 2

We had our 19 week ultrasound on Friday! As you know, it was a very much anticipated event and I couldn't stop thinking about it for days.... okay, who am i kidding? months!!! 

The appointment was booked for 3:15 at a place called Pureform Diagnostics. Okotoks doesn't have the best reputation for their sonographers and the experience pregnant women tend to have (including myself). We decided to try this new place because they gave images on a CD for free! With Gemma, i think the CD was $10 and we only got four images. 

Anyways, Jesse was to be home by 2 so he could shower and then we could go. The plan was for my mom and Gemma to come and hang out at the Superstore next door until our appointment was over. On their web site, Pureform said try not to bring children and only one other person was allowed in the room with you. Well, Jesse was running super late and he hadn't left his job site at like 2:30. So the three of us drove to the city to the clinic and we got there at 3. Jesse's phone had died or something and so i couldn't get a hold of him. I had no idea where he was at that point and was scared that he would miss the scan! and i didn't want to be there finding out all by myself, so instead of dropping mom and Gemma off at Superstore, i brought them with me. 

for a clinic that asks you not to bring kids if you could help it, they sure had a nice little kiddie waiting area. Gemma had no issues sitting in the waiting room for the hour that we were there. I got called in, Jesse still not having arrived, and I was just praying that he would make it on time. 

The gal i had was incredibly nice and personable. She told me that she was going to get these really great shots of the baby's heart and then i could go pee so that i wouldn't be so uncomfortable. i said i didn't want to pee half way as i found that to be way worse, and she said just pee until i get to the point where i would have to push to pee. Um, isn't that too much? No, you'll be fine, she says. I don't understand why the heck you have to be so full of pee when you go if they can do the scan just fine with like a 1/4 full bladder. DUMB.

anyways, she asked if i want to know the gender if she can get a good look and i said yes of course, but when my husband gets there. She said she has a pretty good idea already and then just proceeded on to scan away. Half an hour later, she was done and went out to get Jesse, if he was there. Then my whole family came in! She showed us all the baby's parts, which way it was looking, and then THE parts.  honestly it was the most beautiful ultrasound baby i have ever seen. And the best part was that our whole family got to find out the gender together.

So what is it, you ask? a boy or girl? Well, here's the thing. There are some folks in our family that have expressed to us how we should not find out and blah blah blah. So this time, Jesse and I decided we would not tell them unless they asked us. Because some people have access to my facebook, i cannot right now announce it on facebook. and as much as i believe none of those people have access to my blog, i can't be totally sure. But just know we are super excited. 

anyways, here's a picture of my beautiful new baby. Right on date, as healthy as can be.

crazy dreams, no appetite, babies!

I've been recently plagued by such vivid nightmares that i wake up stiff and sore from being tensed up all night. And i have so many in one night. Some are baby-related, some are totally off the wall. But they are all scary. 

and while i should be way passed the stage of cravings and aversions, i am not. in fact, i think it's worse than ever. and the worst part is that i will have the food i have been desperately craving in front of me, then take one bite, and realize i don't want it anymore. How frustrating for Jesse, who's been making a few late-night runs for these stupid "cravings"...

nothing tastes good and nothing tastes as it should (remember "dysgeusia"???). It's really annoying. Weight gain-wise, i haven't had any. I've been trying to fill in the void in my diet with vegetable/fruit juices and hoping for the best. 

for good news, more and more mommies from our December baby group are expecting again, so it looks like a lot of us will be on mat leave together again! Cool, eh?

A big bed for my big girl

it seems crazy that i'm even talking about or even thinking about a bed for Gemma already. But this pregnancy is flying by (i'm almost half way done!) and I feel like i need to get productive before it's suddenly 2 weeks before my due date or something (did that make sense?).

The crib Gemma is using right now is a hand-me-down from my cousin and is nearly 10 years old. So it's not a fancy convertible crib and it has so far done its job very well. When baby comes, he/she will be in our room for approximately 2 months in Jesse's old cradle. after that, he/she will have to move on to the crib and into a different room. Of course this is just all what I'm hoping/expecting will happen, which I know doesn't mean it's necessarily going to happen... just wishful thinking. 

so Gemma could be as young as 21 months when we need her to move out of the crib. But of course I don't want to daunt her with the new baby and make her feel like she is being kicked out of her crib. A kind coworker of Jesse's gave us a toddler bed awhile back and it's sitting in the basement as we speak. 

But i am not a huge fan of the idea of changing beds more than necessary, so we've decided to get Gemma a big bed (like a normal twin sized bed). We'll get one whenever we find one we like and then set it up in her room while she still sleeps in her crib. Our plan is to do our bedtime routine on the bed, but put her into the crib to sleep, so she is used to having the bed in the room. Then hopefully, if she is willing, we can move her into the bed even just a few weeks before baby arrives so she doesn't have to adjust to too many things at once.

I've spoken to a few people who have had to move their toddlers out of their cribs early and it sounds like the consensus is that moving them to a real bed is actually not that difficult or that hard for the toddler to adjust to as long as you do it "right".... and what i described above is what people have suggested (as well as the online parenting "experts"), so i am going to give it a go. Now the challenge is finding a bed and bedding that Gemma will absolutely love so that she will want to actually spend time on her bed. 

as always, advice is always appreciated if you've gone through a similar situation. if not advice, just sharing what your experience is great too. Have a happy Family Day! (if you're in AB, SK, or ON)

A "Sensitivity"

I took Gemma to see our family doc yesterday. I wanted to ask him for a referral to an allergist so we can finally get a definite answer about Gemma's egg "issues". I know the wait times can be very long, so I thought I'd get a head start and get a referral in now as opposed to in 4 months when she is 18 months old.

Background:

Egg yolk was one of the first solids I started when Gemma was 5 months old. Not the first, but one of the first. She did fine and really liked it the first three times she had it. Then, read this back for what happened on the fourth time. We tried two more times with similar results, but maybe not quite as dramatic. So at the advice of the pediatrician and our family doctor, we stopped giving her egg yolk. The recommendation was to wait until she is 18 months old to try again.

She does not get hives. She does not swell up in any way in any body part. She does not seem like she can't breathe.

She can eat eggs cooked in anything - baked goods, meatloaf, breads with eggwash on them, etc. I haven't given her straight egg since episode #3, but she has been totally fine with things containing egg. She also never reacted to the flu vaccine, which people with egg allergies are supposed to avoid.

So I was never convinced that she has a true allergy. But then I read some people who are allergic to eggs CAN eat them like Gemma can - baked into things or other forms. So I just wanted an answer - is this an allergy or not???

Well after talking to my family doc about it yesterday, he isn't convinced. And since neither am I, I didn't fight hard for a referral either. so it's a no-go for the allergist. He thinks maybe the egg just didn't sit well with her at such a young age (especially just the egg yolk being so... heavy). He called it a "sensitivity", but I can't seem to find anything online that differentiates between a sensitivity and an allergy. Anyhoo, the recommendation still sits to wait til she is 18 months (or 2 years) to try straight egg again. I've never tried to give her straight egg white either, but there is no history of eczema, atopy, or asthma in either of our families, so he didn't think it too likely that she would be truly allergic.

So another 4 months before Gemma can try to have scrambled eggs with us at the breakfast table. I sincerely hope though that it will be a thing of the past when we try again though. This is a family of big egg-eaters and she just wouldn't fit in. LOL.

What the Chinese say...and my mom

According to the Chinese gender chart, this baby is a girl.

I thought they were wrong about Gemma, but I used the chart wrong and it turns out they were right about Gemma too.

here's hoping that the Chinese are wise and not a bunch of loonies. LOL.

So my mom (though not Chinese) also has a method for predicting gender using the gender of the baby born before it. Apparently all babies are born with a vein on the bridge of their nose. If that vein is vertical, the next baby will be of the same sex. If it's horizontal, it will be of a different sex.

So she says that she never could really see a vein with Gemma, but because there was no strong vertical line, she believes this baby might be a boy. Obviously this is kind of a weird thing (and probably a load of crap) and doesn’t even really make sense (can't see one, so must be the other??) and she even admits to it not being accurate all the time (50/50?? LOL). My mom is, however, an amazing reader of pregnant women's bodies and can tell you what it will be when you're huge (nearing the end of your pregnancy). She hasn't been wrong yet. Seriously. Never.

anyways, back to the Chinese. I hope they're right.

Sock On!

After months of practicing and just now sitting for 10 minutes with the look of pure concentration on her face, Gemma succeeded in putting a sock on!!! 

.. then she took it off...

then she put it back on....

and it was even the right way up! (though that might have been a total fluke)

what am i thinking about lately?

i wonder if this baby is a boy or a girl....

i wonder if this baby is a boy or a girl....

i wonder if this baby is a boy or a girl....

i wonder if this baby is a boy or a girl....

i wonder if this baby is a boy or a girl....

i wonder if this baby is a boy or a girl....

i wonder if this baby is a boy or a girl....

i wonder if this baby is a boy or a girl....

i wonder if this baby is a boy or a girl....

i wonder if this baby is a boy or a girl....

i wonder if this baby is a boy or a girl....

i seriously don't know how people can go without knowing for 9 months. I have less than 2 weeks to go before i find out and i am going CRAAAAAZY!!!!

First Kick!

Yep, that's right! last night as I laid in bed, I felt the baby kicking me for the first time! much earlier than with Gemma, at least by a week, if not more. It was quite a surprise. Jesse tried to feel too, but with his tough man hands I think it was not as sensitive as mine in picking up the little pokes. mind you, I could also feel it from the inside too whereas he couldn't.

it sure doesn’t lose its magic the second time around! what an amazing feeling!

Care for some juice?

I feel like I've started this pregnancy on the wrong foot. I've been eating crap after crap after crap, eating out or having take-out almost everyday. It's only recently gotten better now that i can tolerate the smell of foods cooking in the house again. Still, my tastebuds don't work like they did pre-pregnancy and so I don't want to eat a lot of the things that i used to like. With Gemma, i craved a lot of fruit and fruit was abundant in the summer months. I ate my fill of cherries, peaches, nectarines, strawberries... Right now with it being winter and all the fruits tasting like water, it's hard to really try enjoying them. Don't even get me started on vegetables. A couple months back, i was on an Opa kick and was eating their greek salad everyday for a week. I think that week i ate more veggies in those salads than i have the rest of this pregnancy... unless you count the "full serving of vegetables" in Chef Boyardee or the little veggie flakes in ramen... *sigh*... poor baby. 

So i decided enough is enough. Weirdly, i can't force myself to eat anything if i don't want to and so I decided to start juicing again. We used to juice awhile back and have an awesome Breville juicer that i paid $500 for... I dusted off the ol' gal and started juicing maybe about 4 or 5 days ago. 

The usual recipe is ... well, whatever we have around the house, which is usually carrots, celery, apples, spinach, and orange. yesterday we went to Costco and i picked up a bag of pears. I hardly ever (okay, never) eat raw carrots or celery and so this is a good way to at least get some veggies in my diet... 

what does it taste like, you ask? not bad actually. i use about three packed handfuls of spinach every time i juice and you can never taste it, although it turns the juice unappetizingly green. and weirdly, my mind feels clearer in these last few days. It probably has nothing to do with the juice, but i feel like i can concentrate better and have put in two of my most productive days at work with compliments from the boss. 

the first 2 days i gave Gemma about a quarter cup to drink (which she guzzled right up) but then i noticed she was waking up frequently at night, so i stopped. then she was back to sleeping solidly again. i don't know how the juice affects her sleep, but okay. weird. 

anyways, i feel like i need to make some major changes in my life these days. other than trying to get the anger issues under wraps, i want to eat better, get healthier and more active, and stop biting my nails, which has been a lifelong struggle. any tips on that would help too, but know that i've tried everything so far other than hypnotherapy and behavioral therapy. obviously nothing worked.

anyways... how do i end this post? give juicing a try if you haven't! it's actually quite refreshing... okay. i'm out.

14 months

Here is what Gemma is doing these days:

• she tries to mimic nearly everything i say (so i really need to watch it)
• she likes to throw her own dirty diaper in the garbage can (and is so proud of herself every time)
• she can do most of the motions for the song "head, shoulder, knees, and toes"
• she can sing the "up above the" part in "twinkle twinkle little star"
• she shakes her head "no" (and really likes making her own choices when it comes to picking toys, books, food, etc)
• she says "moo" for cows (and most other 4-legged farm animals), "quack quack" for duck, "baa" for sheep
• she loves, loves, loves Baby Einstein and The Wiggles (she only is allowed one DVD per day and knows exactly where she needs to sit if she wants the TV on)
• she loves piggybacks and will climb on any back that is accessible
• she loves books more than anything else and can sit with someone and "read" for literally an hour
• she knows what an "owee" is and will point to her boo-boos
• she is completely fascinated by bellybuttons right now and hers better be accessible at all times or else
• she loves seaweed on everything
• she does not like fish, cantaloupe, peanut butter, beans, most plain cooked vegetables
• she understands nearly everything i say (and maybe everything i say, but she pretends she doesn't, i don't know... LOL)
• she loves, loves, loves going out - outside, shopping, Tim Hortons, anywhere where she can explore
• she knows she has harmony and daddy wrapped around her finger - mommy, not so much... better listen to what she says...
• she is absolutely fascinated by kids just a bit older than she is

needless to say, i love her more than life itself and am so very proud of her...

Wanted: Zen

I don't know why, but I've been so incredibly stressed these last 4 months. Maybe longer, maybe not, but I definitely can't handle stress like i used to. Blame the hormones or not, I'm having a hard time coping with my everyday life. 

it's not just one thing, but it's everything. every little thing that becomes a big thing. i feel like i've had it up to here and now any little thing is pushing me off the edge. i feel like i have no control over my anger or my emotions. .. ... was i this bad with my first pregnancy?? i know i cried easily, but i don't remember being so... angry...

i'm very worried (which of course doesn't help) about the stress in my life and the lack of coping skills and how it is affecting this little being inside of me. it's no secret that stress is linked to preterm labor, miscarriage, and even just the overall health and development of the baby. I'm nearly half way done this pregnancy and I feel like all i've given to this baby so far is just stress, anger, and anxiety. 

so about 2 days ago, i decided i can't do this anymore. i need to chill out no matter what. i need to eat better, i need to think better, and i need to just be better. of course it's easier said than done... does anyone have any advice on how to not let things affect me? 

with my work we have access to free counseling - unfortunately, that is only available monday-friday 8-4:30. Plus it's nearly an hour away from my house. My benefits cover 80% of counselor/psychologist visits, but their hours are also M-F 8:-4ish. My schedule has been less flexible lately and so it's hard to get out of the house during regular work hours. 

Poor Jesse has been in the frontlines against my explosions and Gosh, i can't believe he is still here. What an angel he is. Really, such a trooper... 

anyways, if you have any advice on how to be "zen", please... PLEASE let me know. Please help.

Lullaby

This is a Korean lullaby that my mom used to sing to me as a child. It is still one of my favorite songs of all time and has the most beautiful melody. I used to sing this to Gemma all the time, but for the last few weeks, she's been crying every time i sing this song. I don't know if she realizes the sadness of the lyrics or just the melody sounds sad to her, but it's really kinda amusing to see her burst into tears whenever I sing this song.

this is a beautiful viola version of the song. The lyrics are translated as follows:

when mother goes diving to harvest oysters

the baby is left at home alone to watch the house

but then he falls asleep listening to the lullaby sung by the waves of the ocean

enjoy. 

A Mother's Love

I don't know if Gemma is starting to sense some kind of impending change in her life, but the last week or so she has been very attached to me. She only wants me to come get her when she wakes up. She only wants me to put her down. She only wants me to hold her. If my mom or Jesse come near her, she shakes her head "no". And while she is still very independent in her day, she comes to me for cuddles here and there, which she never used to do. She is really loving the cuddles these days actually and just wants to lay on me while i recline back. Since the day she was born, she was never much of a cuddler, so i can't help but to think she's trying to get in all the "love" before this new change occurs. 

and i'm a total sucker for it. how could i not be? I love watching her little face as she relaxes on my chest, totally looking content with the world. When she looks up at me with those big brown eyes, my heart melts instantly. So i've been paying for this a little because she wants to cuddle more or fall asleep while cuddling instead of going to bed/sleep on her own like she used to. 

Today, while i held her and sat in the rocker trying to put her down for her nap, i had a bit of an epiphany of sorts. My heart overflows with love for Gemma, like i never knew was possible. I never imagined i could love another being as much as this. Before i had her, i thought Jesse took up all the room in my heart and i had no space for anything/anyone else (and now it's Jesse fighting for room, LOL... jk)... then I realized this is how much MY mom loves me from the day I was born. Then i suddenly felt so bad having put her through such heartache in my late teenage years. I can't imagine what that must have felt like.

so I'm sorry, mom. and I love you. I hope Gemma is a much nicer daughter than I am/was and that i won't have to experience what my mom had to experience many years ago...