the "problem child"

Someone please tell me what to do with Leni.

She hits Gemma. 

She bites Gemma. 

She pushes Gemma. 

"No" has absolutely no meaning to her. 

Slap her on the hand and she looks at you with a smirk!

If she doesn't get her way, she lays on the floor, face down, and starts screaming and crying. 

I swear I don't ever remember Gemma being this way. Sure, Gemma doesn't like being told "no" either, but she never reacts to this extent. I am at a loss as to how to deal with Leni. She is just so different from her sister, it's a completely new territory for me. 

but you should her Leni say "I dunnoooo". It's the cutest thing ever.

Gemma's third birthday!

What chaos. I don't even know why I thought it was a good idea to throw a birthday party for 10 kids, their parents, and their siblings within 1 week of moving into my new house. I had no seating (sold our couches unexpectedly just before moving) and so we just had rugs and a mattress on the floor to sit on. No toys downstairs, just a couple dozen balloons, which, I have learned, is enough to keep kids crazy happy for 2 hours.

Initially I had an entire Dora theme in mind since Gemma is going through a huge Dora phase right now. I didn't even know she knew what a Pinata was, but she made it a point to tell me she wanted a "horsey one". Unfortunately with all the craziness of the move, the only "Dora" remained the books I forgot to hand out as part of the "goodie bags". 

The thing that really mattered anyway was that Gemma had a tremendous time screaming and running and just going crazy with her very good friends that she cherishes so much. She can't see enough of them and I wish I didn't work so she really could see them more. 

Happy birthday my darling, goodness how time flies...

Leni's Words

My girls sure have the gift of gab, if nothing else. They just love to talk, talk, talk...

This is what Leni is saying these days:

mine
bubble (she means bath)
Dora
foot (in korean)
tickle
food (in korean)
what's that?
over there
Elmo
mommy (in korean)
dada
puppy
quack-quack
bap (she means diaper)
pee
poop
big sister ("un-nee")
please
stop
here you go ("hugo")
water (in korean)
no (in korean)
hi
bye
snack (in korean)
lion (in korean)
hippo (in korean)
ball

Gemma, my little genius!

On the weekend, Jesse and I were taking the trampoline down and packing it up. Gemma was out there with us the whole time, wanting to help. Obviously there wasn't much she could do, but once I had the net and mat packed up into boxes, I just told her to come and write on the box for me. So I started calling out letters and telling her where to write them, not really expecting anything, just thinking that she would just scribble all over the place. To my complete surprise, she wrote down all the letters!

I don't know if the "R" is supposed to be lower case and the "P" looks a bit odd and the first "N" is backwards, but Jesse and I were just peeing our pants with pride (is that even an expression???). Completely unexpected. My little smartie pants.

can... but won't!... and vacation

So, Leni can officially walk. I think we stopped counting after 27 steps in a row. However, she still much prefers to crawl. Hmmm? 

Gemma's first two-year molar has completely come through! 

Last Friday, Jesse took Gemma to Vancouver to his parents' house. Leni and I joined them on Sunday and we flew back together on Wednesday. Gemma was having such a great time there - beach, playground, boat, fishing, play-doh (which we don't allow in our currently for-sale home), walks, etc. When I got there on Sunday, she basically was so disappointed that I had come and ruined her time (mommy is the only one to say no to anything). She pretty much told me flat out to go home. 

Surprisingly, Leni played "strange" right to the end. Actually, I think that is the wrong word. Even to the moment we were leaving, she didn't really care for my in-laws too much. It always had to be either Jesse or me. I think that was partly due to the fact that we left the kids behind for our anniversary supper and my in-laws took care of them during that time. I think the fact that we just snuck out of there was semi-traumatizing for Leni. I remember when Gemma was younger, she would always play strange with everyone, but for some reason she always was quick to warm up to Jesse's family, even though we only saw them twice to maybe four times a year at most. It was as if you just couldn't fool blood with her. I think Leni too will come around soon, especially when she begins to realize just how much funner grandma, grandpa, auntie, and uncle are compared to mommy and daddy. 

I have to say though that Gemma hasn't listened as well since we've been home. 

Flight-wise, Leni did very well for her first flight. Jesse took the camera so I didn't get to take one of those cockpit pictures like I did with Gemma. She did really well until we landed and were just waiting to leave the plane. Then, she just wanted to get the heck out of there and started losing it when it was taking too long to get off. But other than that, she was pretty good on both plane rides. 

It definitely was a really nice trip out there. My in-laws moved to their new place a little while back, but we haven't been there with the kids yet. They are super close to the beach and even though it's only the next province, it feels like a completely different place. As the kids get older, we'll visit more and more.

Three steps

I think Leni is getting more motivated to walk. She is standing up all the time without holding anything and will take steps on her own. Three is far as we've gotten so far, but it's encouraging to see she's more willing now to try. Maybe there's still a chance she'll be walking by my brother's wedding on Thanksgiving weekend!

Two-year molars!

Gemma's sprouting her molars! Right now she has the bottom left and top right molars coming through. She's handling it like a trooper, not cranky, not sleep-disturbed.

What? It's mid August???

Has it really been a month since the party? Crazy. I know I've been slacking big time with this blog, but with the construction of our house, I hate to admit it, but that blog is getting more of my attention.

Gemma is finally getting her 2-year-old molars. I noticed she has been a bit more of a crybaby as of late and also she is more willing to nap, even though she is getting up slightly later. For a little while there, she was getting up right around 6 AM, but now she is back to her usual (and my preferred time) of 7-7:30. Today I looked into her mouth and saw the tooth really close to the gum surface. I think it will poke through soon ???? and hopefully it won't be too hard on my poor little Gem. 

Gemma's so funny. Each and every day I have moments where I'm dumbfounded by the things she says, like where the heck did she learn these things???? She wakes up in the morning and knows exactly what shows are on in what order until Harmony comes home. She'll just turn the TV on herself and knows that 17 is Treehouse and 115 is Disney Junior and so just changes the channels on her own. We try to not have her watch too much TV after Harmony comes home though. I know this is poor excuse, but I let her watch TV in the morning so that I can get some work done, so I don't have to work til the late hours of the evening...

Leni is such a little ham. She really likes to tease you. She loves to climb up the slide we have and just lean back, barely hanging on, maybe swinging a foot out to the side, all just to give you a heart attack. I know that reacting to this makes her do it more, but she scares the bejeebers out of me when she does that! 

She loves the neighbor's dogs and always points to the window, wanting to see out into their yard to see if the dogs are out there. She says "pa-pa" for puppy and it's so cute. She gets so excited when she hears them barking. I think maybe Leni would've liked Reggie more than Gemma ever did. 

She is still extremely reluctant to take steps on her own. She is much better at walking while holding one hand though. It's weird because she is so proud of herself when she is just standing, not holding anything, but she's so scared to take steps. I sometimes wonder if it's because her one foot is turned in a bit, whether that hurts her to put weight on it like that or what. Or maybe it's just because she is the fasted crawler in the world and feels no need to put all that effort into walking. LOL. 

Both of the girls are absolutely crazy about daddy and when he's home, Harmony and I might as well not exist. But really, I don't blame them. He is the ultimate dad - full of love, nonstop play, nonstop attention. They really are lucky.  Then again, so are we.

Little Piggies

Last week, I took the girls for shots - Leni for her 1-year immunizations and Gemma for her third and final hepatitis B shot. The nurse asked if I had any concerns before she began the actual appointment and I asked if I could see a dietitian.

You see, my kids... they love, LOVE to eat. As soon as they make eye contact with me (or any of us for that matter), they ask for food. When they eat, it's never enough. For the most part, unless we've just had a meal, we can't even stay downstairs because both kids just whine for food around the kitchen. I myself feel like they eat more than plenty and am really conscious about trying to feed them healthy food in proper portions. I really put in a lot of effort and even so, Gemma has always been in the 90+ percentile for weight. I'd imagine she'd be off the charts if I let her eat as much as she wanted, when she wanted, what she wanted.

I know it may seem crazy to obsess over my kids' weights when they're not even 3 years old, but I really don't want them to have to struggle with weight when they're older. I myself don't really have a sweet tooth or a snack tooth, and really that's my only saving grace that I'm not bigger. I love fat more than anything and have such a hard time controlling portion sizes. I am always struggling with my weight and unfortunately, other than my mom, no one is naturally "thin" in our family. I just know the kind of a toll weight issues can take on a young girl and I just want to prevent as much of that as I can.

But anyhoo, the nurse commended by concerns but felt that the girls were within the normal range and charting appropriately and so she felt that as long as I was feeding them healthy foods, I didn't need to worry. Of course, I knew she was going to say that....

So I guess that really is all I can do - keep them off the junk and control their portion sizes for as long as they let me...

Happy Birthday!

Gosh, it's been 4 days already since the part. Just goes to show you how I don't seem to have any time to sit and catch my breath these days. We still have Jesse's mom and dad over and so it doesn't feel like everything is quite "over" yet. 

But anyhoo, what a fun little party. I think we had about 40 guests come, only one family of no-shows and one surprise guest. Leni did very well the whole time, no screaming, just enjoying the attention. Gemma was being a bit of a drama queen and cried a couple of times, but she too had fun playing with her cousins, friends, and balloons. 

The main event of the part, the doljabi, was an interesting one. Gemma didn't hesitate and went straight for the pen and pencil. Leni was really not sure and would crawl a couple of "steps", then stop, then whine a bit, then crawl up again, then sit, then whine. Then, my mom sat her up in front of the items to choose and she still couldn't make up her mind. We sat around for like 5 minutes waiting for her to pick. I picked up each item briefly just to get her interested, hoping she'll get the hint that that's exactly what she's supposed to do, but still no. I could see her eyeing the book and the bowl of rice, not sure which one to pick? then finally... finally! she picked up a grain of rice that had fallen out of the bowl. LOL. So that's it! RICE! I was happy because that's what I had hoped she would pick. Abundant/healthy life. 

Anyway, the party ended, but we had my brother and jesse's siblings here until yesterday, and as mentioned above, Jesse's folks are still here. It's so nice having all these extra people to watch the kids and I've been able to work starting early in the morning and finishing early! 

Anyhoo, at 1 year old, Leni is not yet walking and has no interest in it. She is sleeping about 10 hours, then we give her a bottle, then she goes back down (usually) for another hour or two. She has gone back to the two naps and has seven teeth. She loves any affection from Gemma, but most of the time they fight and Leni ends up crying because Gemma has stolen a toy she was playing with. Equally, she always wants to have/do what Gemma has/is doing and so then Gemma gets annoyed and cries. She is now drinking homo milk (since 2 days before her birthday because that's when we ran out of formula) and doesn't like to drink it straight out of the fridge. She says "umma" (mom), dada, kkot (flower), hi.

As much as she screams, she is incredibly affectionate and loves to cuddle. Her smile and nose crinkling just makes my heart melt. I love you Leni! Happy Birthday!!

and.... ready!

I can't believe it, but I think we're ready for Saturday. Last night, Jesse finished the last DIY project for the party and I think we're good to go!

Leni is unfortunately working hard at teeth #7 and 8, the two bottom lateral incisors. She is a drooling mess and I hope she can keep her chin clean for the party! 

I think she is trying to lose her afternoon nap and it's driving me crazy. Gemma, right when she turned one, decided to go down to one nap a day too (right now, she is no-nap). In a way, it makes life easier in that I don't have to try to work my day around two naps, but just one, but still it just goes to show how quickly my baby is growing up and it makes me sad. She is at the perfect age right now where she is just so cuddly and sweet and curious (even though she screams). 

On Sunday, we had our family photo session with Debbie from Debbie Wong Photography. I only have a few pics to look at so far, but they seem alright. 

Family stars pouring in Wednesday, i think? We're expecting 46 people for the party, with 9 of them staying at our house, at least for a night.

Bring it on!

Dol..dud.

I suppose it's my own fault for procrastinating.

With Gemma, I had most of the DIY projects for the party done before I went back to work. Now I'm scrambling, trying to do overtime at work while we have it and at the same time trying to organize this party. I still have so many missing details, forget the DIY stuff. I'm trying to do things a bit more different this time, but it all seems to be ending up to look the same as Gemma's dol. 

i haven't even decided on whether I should do a cake this time or do cupcakes again! 

I feel so bad... my brain is constantly elsewhere and when I get a moment to relax, that's what i want to do - RELAX - not sit for another hour burning the crap out of my fingertips trying to glue tiny beans onto a cardboard cylinder... 

But I promise you, Leni, IT WILL GET DONE! 

lol...

Leni

I can't believe my BABY is 11 months old. I mean, she's going to be turning ONE in a matter of weeks! This time last year, I was so uncomfortable I couldn't sleep in my own bed and I could hardly walk from hip pain. I remember just wanting the pregnancy to be over and being anxious to get my own body back. Well, I should've known that my body would never return, but that's an entirely different post... 

At 11 months, Leni is... hmm...

hmm....

i know that seems a bit weird, but i don't really know what to say to describe her. If I try to think of just one word to describe her, it would be... SCREAMY. 

she screams. ALL THE TIME. happy, sad, mad, hungry, excited, frustrated, annoyed, etc. As much as I love her, I find I just really need a break at the end of the day from all the screaming. She is incredibly stubborn and actually really needy - I wonder if that has to do with her being a second-born in that there has always been someone there her entire life, whereas Gemma is very independent and i wonder if that's because she is used to spending short amounts of time by herself. I don't know if it's separation anxiety or just her personality, but she cannot be left alone. As soon as I turn around to walk away, she is screaming. Then, she follows me around, just screaming and crying until I pick her up. 

Leni also loves to eat. TOO MUCH. She can't get enough of food! She eats as much as Gemma does (and Gemma eats almost as much as my mom) and I swear both of my kids (and me too, I guess, hehehe) lack that communication between the stomach and brain where the stomach tells the brain it's full. Frankly, the only times that Leni isn't screaming is when she has something in her mouth or when she is sleeping. Every mealtime, it's a struggle trying to get her out of her high chair - she gets so mad! 

She's not walking yet, but she is standing more and more everyday. I am hopeful that she will walk soon, mostly because then she can go to forward facing and I figure that will make her like being in the car a bit more. She is an insanely fast crawler and she loves to climb up to the top of the stairs and then slide down as quickly as she can on her belly. We also have an indoor slide that she loves to play on. She is so strong, she can pull herself up on the slide part and then slide down on her belly. 

It's hard to believe she's going to be one so soon. As challenging as she is, she is cute as a button and I just love her to bits. 

Gemma

My dear 2-1/2 year old... Everyday she surprises me with how much she knows. Who says kids don't learn from TV?? LOL. Good excuse, I know. 

When do kids start to be able to carry a tune? Gemma just loves to sing and she sings ALL THE TIME. About a month ago or so, I really noticed how much more she can carry a melody than she used to be able to. Now that she can do that and she realizes she can do that, she puts random words into melody. Her favorite melody is for "Clementine" and she'll use this tune to sing almost anything. For example, "have to go pee, have to go pee, have to go pee go peeeeee" or "peanut butter, peanut butter, peanut butter and jelleeeeeee"

Totally different topic now ...

Last Sunday, we took Gemma to church. A Korean church. Oddly enough, it was Jesse's suggestion for trying to get her to retain Korean outside the house and to know that other people speak it too. It's about 40 minutes away. When we got there, Gemma was in great spirits. All the old people would compliment her on her cuteness when she would walk by and she was just sopping up all the attention. We were greeted by a nice man, who recognized that we were visitors (even though it's quite a big church) and took us down to the Sunday School downstairs. It was for kids 2-1/2 years and maybe up to kindergarten age? I dunno. But anyway, I think at this point the attention got a bit overwhelming for Gemma and she started to freak out. She got really shy and wouldn't leave my side or make eye contact with anyone and basically cried anytime anyone tried.

I have to say, though, that Sunday School program was really great! They sang songs with actions, then a Bible story (about Joseph), then a snack, then another story. The kids had to raise their hands to speak and follow certain rules within the classroom. Gemma has never been in a setting like this before and obviously she had no idea what the rules were or what rules ARE even, but then again, she cried nearly the entire time (other than snack time). I'm not sure if me being there the entire time was helpful to her or not. I wonder if I should just leave her there next time - would she just get over the fact and just join in? 

I myself had a really good time, LOL. Anyway, we were hoping to go again tomorrow (and keep going), but half of this household is sick and I think it's best we stay away. I think it will be good for her though to make some Korean friends, GO TO CHURCH, and learn what preschool is kinda like...

update

I've been working so much overtime the last 2 weeks, by the time I'm done work I really don't want to be on the computer anymore. 

Scarlet fever - It's NOT scarlet fever! Well, it mustn't be, since we never got a call about the swab results. Leni's rash faded away quickly after my last post and she is back to her usual self. In fact, I think she is making up for the lost time still, plenty of energy, plenty of trouble-making, plenty of annoying Gemma...

Leni's mastered our stairs and we have to really remember the close the gate at the bottom of the stairs or else that's where we can expect to find her. Fortunately (and knock on wood) she hasn't taken a tumble down yet. 

I don't know if Leni is also trying to make up for lost appetite, but it seems like she just can't eat enough. We are pretty much giving her what we eat minus the seasoning and I think she eats about as much as Gemma - and Gemma eat a LOT. She can't handle seeing food anywhere or anyone else eating. She throws some of her biggest tantrums when wants more food. 

The food thing - she's just like Gemma. Both kids just love to eat, it's hard to keep the fridge stocked. 

A way in which Leni is nothing like Gemma, though, is the fact that Leni eats everything off the floor - carpet fuzzies, a torn piece of paper, a leaf that has fallen off a plant, a piece of dried up food that fell onto the floor the night before, a piece of dirt, mini hair elastics, etc. Gemma always mouthed her toys, but she never would seek things out off the floor and automatically put it in her mouth. It's exhausting, trying to keep up with her so she doesn't eat something. I vacuum constantly, but it seems like there is always something for her to put in there. 

Gemma has been into two things lately: drawing and puzzles. She has always loved to draw and now, she can really draw recognizable things. Most of the time, it's still fluke, but if you ask her to draw a face, she will draw a big circle, two small circle for eyes (and a line connecting the two for glasses), a another circle for a nose, and either a smile or a frown for the mouth. She sometimes even squiggles in hair. It's amazing to me that at this age she can draw something like that. She also draws big spikes for mountains or small spikes for grass, and experimenting with circles and lines, writing "100" or "olio", etc. She can also do a 48-piece puzzle by herself and can sit for a long time just keeping herself busy in these ways.

Gemma has also really started to warm up to Leni in the last couple of weeks. She really likes playing with her now, crawling after her, putting stuff on her head to make her look like a "princess", etc. If Gemma is coloring or something and Leni comes over to join in, she's prompt to say "No Leni, that's my crayon" or whatever and gives her something else to play with. Ninety-nine percent of the time it doesn't work though and Leni still goes after whatever Gemma's doing. Oh, little sisters.

Scarlet Fever

I think this is the longest I've gone without blogging ever since it began. I've been so crazy busy lately, I really feel like this is the first time I've been able to really sit and not feel like I have a million other things to do. 

I guess the big thing right now is that Leni is sick. Actually, she is looking pretty good today and seems happier. She even slept the entire night, which wasn't the case for the last few. 

Last Sunday evening, Leni started getting cranky and it was becoming obvious she wasn't feeling so well. Jesse, Gemma, and I drove Jesse's sister, Leah, back to the airport and when we got back, my mom told us how whiny and cranky Leni was. 

Next morning, Leni woke up with a fever and she kept getting hotter and hotter. At one point I measured her temperature and she was 38.7, which, to me, seems pretty substantial. But she didn't have any other symptoms, so I kinda just wrote it off to teething. 

But the fever persisted and I was just pumping her full of Tylenol. As long as the Tylenol was working, she seemed okay. When I'd be late on giving her next dose, however, and her fever would creep back, she would be all whiny and wanting nothing else but to cuddle in my arms. 

On Wednesday, I had to take mom to an ophthalmologist appointment for her cataract surgery assessment. I left Gemma at a friend's house, but took Leni with us. The appointment turned out to be way longer than expected (2.5 hours). However, Leni did okay. She was pretty happy and it was only on our way home that she really started to get cranky. Still a bit feverish, but she seemed to be getting over it. 

Thursday morning, we had to go back to the ophthalmologist to get mom's eyes measured. This time, we took both kids. While we were at the appointment, I noticed Leni had a rash on her face, kinda just under her eyes. Then, within 15 minutes, it was all over her face. 

Unfortunately we didn't get back to Okotoks until later and Leni was sleeping in the car and slept when I moved her into her crib, so she didn't get seen in Urgent Care until maybe 2 pm. Thankfully the wait wasn't too long, but the doctor was in such a hurry, I didn't get much information or much discussion out of her. She examined Leni and after reviewing her history, thought Leni had scarlet fever. She said she was 80% sure it was, but there was a good chance it was just a virus needing to clear her system. She took a swab and told me I could wait til the results or start her on antibiotics right away. If you know me, you know how anti-antibiotics I am and so I told her I would wait for the result. Then she left, saying something along the lines of "so I'm writing in here that you are refusing the antibiotics". She never really told me what scarlet fever is, how a baby would get it, what kind of damage it could do, and what the long-term complications of it are. So once I got home, I did some research of my own. The only time I've heard of scarlet fever is in Little Women, when the babies that Beth looks after die from it and then she gets it and then dies. HOW REASSURING. 

The internet told me that it's not a big deal as long as it's treated, but it can leave complications, such as kidney damage, heart damage, rheumatic fever, etc. I still figured I could wait 2 days for the swab results, but Jesse and my mom kept worrying me and guilt-tripping me, making me feel as though I should've taken the prescription. 

So the next day, I went back to Urgent Care, explained my situation and they told me I would still need to have Leni reassessed. So she was. By a different doctor this time. He wasn't convinced it was scarlet fever and reassured me that even if it was, the damages don't occur for some time and we definitely had time to wait for the swab results. When I told him I thought I was such a bad mother, he disagreed, saying that he preferred more people to be more like me in being cautious about antibiotics instead of coming in, demanding antibiotics.

Anyhoo, today is day 2 of the swab and so I hope to hear back some time today. Actually, I hope I don't hear back at all, which would mean the swab was negative. Nevertheless, Leni's rash has significantly improved and she is in much better spirits today. I hope it really is just a flukey virus that will just flush out of her system and leave her alone from here on.

Trampoline time!

Gemma's favorite part of gymnastics was definitely the trampolines. That's where she spent her 5 minutes of free time at the end and she just couldn't get enough. Even at home, she is always leaping like a frog or hopping like a bunny or just wearing herself out jumping on the bed. 

I know what you're thinking. 

She's two. 

You guys are moving. 

Long story short, Canadian Tire had springfree trampolines on sale (the safest trampolines you can buy) and so we grabbed one. Set-up was excruciating! but the result is well worth it. She enjoys it so much and even Leni loves to sit in there (with me or mom of course) and watch Gemma bounce. I am not looking forward to taking it down when we move, but I'm really happy Gemma got one more season of jumping out of us setting it up now.

Not to mention she naps like a baby!

Leni

About Wednesday, Leni started pulling up on things to stand. Around the same time, she started picking up her feet and taking steps when we would walk her, whereas before she would kinda take steps, but usually drag her feet a bit. Honestly, I feel like this week while I was at work, Leni has changed and grown so much. I'm glad I won't have to miss any more milestones ...

Gemma

We bought Gemma a bicycle 2 days ago. Initially I wanted to get her a tricycle, but when I took her to the store, she wouldn't even look at a tricycle, let alone sit on one. However, her toes were just touching the ground on a 12-inch bike, so that's what we ended up getting her. She's been yearning for a bike so much every time we go past an open garage or a bike left on a random yard, she is begging to go see it. Jesse's parents got one of those balance bikes for her last summer, but she was too small. We put her on it as soon as the weather got nice enough and she is still too small for it and doesn't seem to like how clunky it is. Anyhoo, a pink bike with pink and silver streamers made all her dreams come true and she has spent every waking moment of the last 48 hours on that thing. Her helmet is permanently stuck to her head and she only takes it off to sleep. 

At first, she couldn't figure the pedals out and was getting really frustrated, but wouldn't let any of us help her. When I got home today, she was pedaling all by herself and was so proud. 

And I gotta say, it makes me so happy to see her so happy.

Leni

I don't know what has happened, but Leni has gone through a major personality change in the last week. I don't know if it's the newfound independence that came with her crawling or the fact that I went back to work, but she is a totally different baby. Actually, she acts like she isn't a baby anymore but a toddler! She is throwing little fits (if we take away something from her that she isn't supposed to have OR if the wrong person came to get her from her crib after her nap) and is crazy HYPER! She used to be so laid back, but I feel like she completely fooled us all with her sweet girl routine all this time. She is super fast, going from one end of the room to the other and wreaking havoc and leaving a trail of chaos behind her. Also, she does this thing that Gemma NEVER did - Leni will put little tiny things that she finds in her mouth. Gemma never, ever did that. She would put her toys in her mouth and stuff, but never little fuzzies or odd crumbs that you can hardly see or pieces of dirt that fell off someone's dirty clothes, etc. It scares the heck out of all of us because she's already been found with one too many tiny things in her mouth that shouldn't be there. Even though we vacuum religiously, she picks up everything the Dyson might leave behind (and that's not much!). 

So in short, Leni has gone from the "easier" child to the "oh man, I don't know how I'm gonna handle her when she's a bit bigger" child. Hopefully this is a phase that she will grow out of or else I need to have some major life lessons on how to deal with two extra-crazy toddlers!

Back to the Grindstone

Ugh, I can't believe I'm back to work tomorrow. When I called my boss to tell her that I was coming back in April, April seemed so far away. 

I have to go back to the office for a week for retraining (and thank goodness, they've changed so many things in the last 9 months) and then I'm home after that. Even though I'm up at 6ish everyday, I always go back to sleep after feeding Leni and I'm going to struggle trying to stay awake tomorrow. Being in the office at 7 means I have to leave probably by 6:20, so it will be an early, early morning. 

The girls will be well taken care of by my mom, of course, who has taken the week off from work to be full-time caregiver for the week. Thank you mom!

Crawling... Forward!

Even on her 9-month birthday 2 days ago, she wasn't doing too many forward "stepping". Yesterday, she did a two-stepper, and then today, she just whipped it out of nowhere! She looks like a cautious crawler still, kinda taking it easy, but I'm just relieved that she has reached this milestone. Here's a little video of this morning...

In other news, I took Leni to the health centre today to get weighed. At my doctor's office, she weighs the babies with all the clothes/diaper on once they're older than 2 months. I wanted a more precise measurement and so, even though we have a doctor's appointment on Wednesday, took her to weigh her myself. 

Gemma was 19 lb 5 oz at 9 months. 

Leni is 21 lb 11 oz, 30 inches long. She wears 12-18 month clothes. The large-sized sleep sack that Gemma wore way past her first birthday is too small for Leni. 

As shocked as I was, I'm so happy to have such a healthy and sweet *little* baby girl.

Eyes

After watching an episode of Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives, I had this hankering for crab. So while i was out grocery shopping today, I picked one up and mom cooked it. Gemma had already eaten, so she was just playing in the living room, but she would come by once in awhile to check things out. Then, at one point, she looked at the crab and shouted "eyes! eyes!.... don't eat the eyes, okay?"

Dry Overnight

I am so proud of Gemma! For the second night in a row, she has not had an accident during the night! About a week ago now, I decided (against Jesse's... opinion) to try putting Gemma to bed without a diaper. This was kind of a crazy thing to try, seeing as how she would wake up with a FULL diaper each morning, even with us not giving her anything to drink after supper. Needless to say, The first 5 days I did a lot of laundry! On night 3, I actually went in before going to bed myself, saw that she hadn't peed yet (on the bed or the potty), just picked her up in her sleep, and sat her on the potty. She was completely disoriented and didn't say a word, but she did pee. She woke up in the morning and peed in the potty. 

The next night... she peed in the bed... but peed in her potty upon waking in the morning. 

The next night, she had gotten up, peed, then peed when she woke up in the morning. That potty was so full of pee!

And last night, once again, she peed throughout the night in the potty. 

I am seriously so proud of her!

Leni

is crawling backwards! and she is so darn good at it. She will sit, crawl backwards, then sit, then change direction, the keep crawling backwards, then sit, then repeat. She gets around all over the place, gets stuck under sofas, tables, toys, etc., then screams in frustration. So funny.

Mom's Home!

Yay!!! Gemma and I went to the airport yesterday to pick her up and as she was coming down the escalator, Gemma started running, yelling "Harmoneeeeeeeeee"! She hasn't let her out of her sight since - asking "harmony, where are you?!?!?" if she is gone even for a moment. LOL. She had a great time, it sounds like, and really missed the girls. She says Leni has grown so much in the last 5 weeks and Gemma seems more "mature"... yeah right. Of course, the girls got completely spoiled with toys, DVDs, clothes, books, etc. I got some underwear and socks! Jesse got some underwear and a couple T-shirts. It has only been 30 hours since she's been home and it makes me wonder how I got by these past 5 weeks... She's already made supper, cleaned up the house (even though I cleaned the heck out of it before she got home), and helped get the kids ready for bed and read them bedtime stories. She's seriously super-grandma/supermom. I'M SO HAPPY YOU'RE HOME, MOM!!!!

The Big News!

Another great weekend! Saturday we had a few friends over for dinner - good food, good company, and good talks - can't ask for more. Sunday, we spent a lazy day as a family. We went for a walk in the morning, followed by some fun at the playground, then came home to a nice and relaxing afternoon and evening. 

We have an announcement! No, it's not a baby. We're building a house! It's been quite a long process and the ground isn't even broken yet! Trying to come up with a design that met every requirement has been a challenge. I'm proud to say that we came to a final design that we love and this will be our "forever" house. Jesse and I decided that we would stay in Okotoks at least until the kids graduate high school. Even if our jobs changed to jobs that required major commuting to Calgary, the schools here are really great and rank very high in the list of Alberta schools. Of course, we like it here - the town-like atmosphere, but still really close to the city, though we have most things right down the road - Costco, Home Depot, McDonalds... LOL. 

Jesse and I always talked about building our "dream" home and we're thrilled that this is coming into reality sooner than we had expected. The new house will give us all the room we need and then some, mom will have her own ensuite, bonus room, my office, etc. It's also on a walkout lot (though I personally don't care for this), which means brighter basement. The neighborhood is basically a block south of us, which, I hope, means an easier move. Of course our concern is selling our current house, which we won't be listing until summer, trying to coordinate with our possession date of end of November. I really hope things go smoothly on that end, especially since we'll be the ones hosting some of my family coming from Korea for my brother's wedding in October. 

This is such an exciting time for us, but we also have a lot of anxiety with so many choices we have to make. Of course, financially there are some unknowns as well, but I really hope the great mortgage rates stick around for awhile.

Quiet Again

It's been a fun-filled week thus far, starting actually on Friday with that playdate, then Saturday with our friends over for dinner, then Sunday my cousin came down with her two kids and just left yesterday, and today was Gemma's last gymnastics class. It sure made the last 6 days go by super fast and now the countdown until mom comes home is down to single digits! Only nine more sleeps! ... pathetic, I know.. but I miss my mom!!!

Gemma sure loved having all the company and my little cousins played so well with her. Being 10 and 8, you can imagine most kids that age don't really want to play with a 2-year-old, but I think they really enjoyed spending time with her, or "entertaining" her, as they would call it. Usually, I find the hustle and bustle too much and am relieved when people leave (not very nice to say, I know, but I'm just being honest), but this time I really had a great time and miss everyone. We made perogies, went swimming, they took Gemma to the park, and I even got to go out grocery shopping without my kids! 

...and less than a month now til I go back to work!

We *Heart* Friends

It's been a busy couple of days! Yesterday, we had a playdate at our house in the morning. None of the boys could make it and so it was just a crazy gang of screaming little girls! Four of Gemma's friends who have little baby sisters - so 12 females in the house! It seemed like the big girls looked at all the babies hanging out downstairs and they were like "OMG this is where all the babies are hanging out. How lame. Let's go upstairs girls" and they all headed upstairs to play most of the day. Leni sure loved the attention the other girls gave her, as she doesn't get a whole lot of that from Gemma. As always, we had a terrific time with all our pals. 

Today, we had our friends over for supper and had another great time hanging out. Gemma decided not to nap today and was super cranky by the time our friends came over and was such a rude hostess! But after we got some food into her system, she got better and had a ball with Annika. Leni too seemed to have a good time, she was smiling and happy-screaming for most of the evening. 

Can't wait til the next time!

Making Each Other Laugh

Yesterday, the four of us had to drive around Calgary during rush hour traffic to get some errands done. I dreaded this and contemplated whether I should ask one of our friends to watch one or both of the kids, as both Gemma and Leni dislike the car so much. However, the kids did surprisingly well, even with one stop for the slowest train in the world. 

On the way home, Gemma was blowing raspberries and then Leni would copy, then Gemma would laugh and then Leni would laugh. It was so funny and it was one of those moments where I felt so good about the future when the girls can be good friends or, at least, keep each other company in the car. I think I've mentioned this before, but it's really hard to get a laugh out of Leni and I think yesterday was the first time that Gemma was able to make her laugh out loud like that. 

Silly girls...

Growing up

I really can't wait til Leni's at an age where the girls can really play with one another. Gemma keeps busy playing all day and sometimes I feel bad, like Leni's missing out. Right now, Gemma's on a kick where she gathers her favorite toys together and feeds them alphabet soup. The toys have  bibs on and are sitting on the table in a circle with magnetic alphabets in front of them. She came to me the other day asking for a spoon for each of the toys to eat with. She also likes to put Minnie in "the corner", for whatever reason, then sitting next to her to keep her company. I don't think it's a good idea that she thinks "the corner" is a place to play instead of the place that she goes when she's being bad, but it's so cute. 

Gemma's also obsessed with "jumping rope", where she swings my robe tie around, jumping. Who says kids don't learn from TV? She got that from Special Agent Oso. 

Her vocabulary has gone through the roof recently as well. Today, she said "where's my bib?" and is referring to herself more and more as "I" or "me" or "my". 

Kids grow up too fast.

8 months

Poor Leni... I feel so bad for not keeping up with this like I used to with Gemma. I have no idea what she weighs or how long she is; I should go do that this week. 

Reading back to Gemma at 8 months, Leni has some catching up to do. At 8 months, Leni can:

• wave bye-bye or, more like, hi
• dori-dori (shake her head) on command
• blow raspberries, make wa-wa sounds (hitting her mouth with her hand), clap
• really likes books, especially peek-a-boo books
• loves to feed herself, though she makes a terrible mess...
• not too mobile yet, though she can go in circles
• goes on all fours, but gets stuck this way and then cries
• eats 5 bottles a day and two meals - I think I better change this to 4 bottles and 3 meals soon (I feel like she is drinking too much formula)
• sleeps anywhere between 10 and 12 hours at night without waking up, naps anywhere between a total of 2-3 hours (not very much, I don't think)
• loves to sit in the swing at the playground
• favorite TV show (I know...) is Special Agent Oso  

Even though she may have some developmental catching up to do (to Gemma), she sure is a happy and mellow baby. Apparently this was around the time Gemma began acting impossible in public and I was feeling discouraged about going out with her. 

Going Crazy

Mix together terrible twos and a sick and whiny child together and you get Gemma. Her fever is gone, but her appetite is still not as great as normal. She can hardly finish one meal, whereas before, we would have to beg her to slow down. 

The thing she has started doing lately that is driving me absolutely bonkers is constantly changing her mind. "I don't want to eat, I want down" - so I take her out of her booster. As I take her out, she starts to scream "Nooooo, I want to eat, I want to eat!!"

"Gemma, do you want out or do you want to eat?" 

"Eat". 

so then I put her back and as I'm putting her in the chair, she starts to scream "I want out! Out!!"

In either situation, if I ignore her, she keeps screaming what it is that she wants. I honestly have such a hard time dealing with this and admittedly lose my cool a lot.

It's the same thing with bath time ("I want out", "No! I want bath!"), TV channels, drinks, going upstairs/downstairs, etc. It feels like I can't have a conversation with her without her going back and forth and driving me insane.

Any advice on how to cope??

fever...all through the night

I guess right around the time my mom left, Leni started getting a bit of a runny nose. I figured either she was teething or getting a cold and anticipated her to get sicker if she were getting a cold. Instead, she stayed pretty steady, but Gemma got sick. She got a runnier nose than Leni, then finally yesterday she developed a fever. I think this is the first time Gemma's had a real fever. She was shivering, but incredibly hot to touch. By bedtime, she couldn't hardly keep her eyes open even though she had woken up extra late and had a 2-hour nap. She kept whining and complaining that she was cold if I were to touch her and just wanted to be wrapped up in her blanket. 

I figured it was going to be a rough night, as I've fought bad fevers a few times myself and know how hard it is to sleep when your body is going through the motions of freezing, then burning. But miraculously, she slept solidly for 13 hours. I woke up extra early to start a pot of chicken porridge (a korean cure for a cold), which was for nothing, apparently, since Gemma refused to eat anything. She is still warm, but nowhere near hot as she was last night.

Hopefully she feels better soon and even more, I hope Leni doesn't get this.

This is March?

Holy smokes, it sure feels like spring is upon us. I know better than to think this beautiful weather is going to last, but the entire upcoming week is slated to be in the 10s and even my strawberries seem to be confused with little green shoots poking out. Right now, Gemma is playing in the back yard, busily shoveling snow into a small bucket, turning it over, then destroying it. Leni is having a nap. It's so peaceful...

This has definitely been the longest week of my life. Oh well. One down, four to go.

Missing Mom...

I can't even believe it's only been 3 days since my mom left. It honestly feels like it's been 3 weeks at least. I think the hardest part of mom being gone is how lonely I am. It must sound crazy; I have two kids keeping me busy, so how could I even have the time to feel lonely? But I DO. It's not as if when mom IS here she is spending each minute with me. In fact, she is often just sitting in her room watching TV or whatever, but I miss her company during lunch and just being able to see her whenever. Once Jesse gets home, it's so hectic with dinner, getting the kids bathed and ready for bed, then we each put a kid down to sleep. After that, we basically watch TV or read and then head to bed early ourselves. 

Gemma is really missing my mom. I know she doesn't quite know what it is, but something is off with her universe and she is having a hard time. She is constantly whining - yesterday, she couldn't say one thing to me without whining. She is so much more needy, always following me around and wanting to be picked up (she never does this). This morning, she woke up and said to me "harmony is at work?" and I said "no, she went on the airplane, remember?" and Gemma said "I want to see harmony". It was so sad! 

To make the loneliness worse, both kids have come down with a cold and so no playdates for us. I feel daunted by the thought of taking both kids out anywhere, especially in the cold, and so we're experiencing some major cabin fever. I can't wait for the weekend!

Yes!

It's so funny - Gemma just recently started saying "yes". Up until now, most often she would just repeat your question in an answer form, but now she says yes and understands perfectly what that means. It's so funny to hear - I dunno, I guess i'm just used to the "no"s more than anything.

Leni has also started to laugh more. Before, it was SOOOO hard to get her to laugh out loud, but now, she knows when we're playing with her and even laughs at some of the things Gemma does. 

First night without mom went surprisingly smoothly and we successfully got the kids in bed even earlier than usual. Unfortunately, Gemma woke up at 6:30, but that turned out to be a blessing in disguise because she had an hour and a half nap in the afternoon! Leni slept 12 hours straight and is only now having her first real nap. I don't know what is with my kids and why they don't like to nap! Anyway, I've even surprised myself by not having a pile of dishes in the sink and I even have the chicken brining for supper tonight (I highly encourage you to brine your chicken when roasting - what a difference!). Maybe I CAN do this!

Harmony has left the building...

...sigh...

I don't know what possessed me to tell my mom to have a vacation before I go back to work... LOL. This morning, I took my mom to the airport, where she boarded her flight to Vancouver, then to Korea. She is gone for exactly 5 weeks, which right now feels like FOR-E-VER. She's been by my side practically 24/7 since Gemma was born and I haven't been without her for a DAY, forget 5 weeks... 

Which is exactly why she needs this break and deserves it so much. She's going there to "relax", though I doubt she'll be doing much of that... Even as she was leaving, she was already worried about how much she is going to miss the girls... and that Leni won't recognize her when she returns...

I miss her already and it's only been 6 hours...

Have fun, mom! We love you to bits!!!

Time for Twos

This morning, Gemma started her Time for Twos class. It's an unparented class, so I basically drop her off and go elsewhere in the building to have a cup of coffee. I've never left Gemma with anyone other than family and wasn't sure what to expect with regard to her reaction to me leaving, but being the social butterfly that she is, I don't think she even noticed I had left. 

When I went to pick her up, she told me she didn't want to go. They decorated a nice piece of paper with snowflakes. It was quite obvious she had lots of fun and though I wasn't sure about the class before, I think we'll keep going.

This and That

I've been so busy lately; there's been a lot going on. I barely have time to sit these days! I'll just make note of some things I wanted to write in here quickly:

Leni has discovered how to use a straw and is always stealing Gemma's straw cup to drink her water if it's in her reach. Leni loves to drink water!

Leni has also expanded her vocabulary! LOL. She now says "B" sounds all the time, "ba ba ba ba boo boo boo", "M" sounds, and "G" sounds. She is soooo chatty and between these two chatterboxes, I hardly get a moment of quiet in my day! 

Up until now, Leni's been very afraid of baths. As a baby, we always bathed Gemma and she developed a fear of showers. To prevent this, we showered Leni as a baby and that made her afraid of baths! Oy vay! The last couple of days, we tried slowly easing Leni into sitting in water and now she seems to really enjoy splashing around in the tub with her sister. It's so cute to see them shrieking and splashing together in the tub, having a great time!

Gemma's been complaining that her mouth hurts for awhile now, on and off. Unfortunately, I've contributed to her my canker sores gene and poor Gemma's been suffering them. She had one that healed, now she has another. She gets so upset while eating (especially things like fruit) and I feel so bad that I've passed this on to her. 

I'm going back to work in 2 months! I really hoped to take the full year this time, but I think this is the right decision. There are also many changes happening at work and I would rather be there to learn the new procedures with everyone else rather than try to catch up later. 

weird night, weird morning

Why do long weekends always go so fast? Jesse's parents came on Friday and left yesterday and we had a nice visit with them. Gemma always loves having them here with all the attention she gets. 

Monday night, Leni slept horribly. At 11 pm, she cried out and could not be consoled. She screamed on for a long time before finally settling down and falling asleep in my arms. We had barely any tylenol left in the house and I had to scrape every drop to give her in case her teeth were bothering her. Then, she woke up again at 4 am and then had to cry herself to sleep... Our whole family was so exhausted on Tuesday, including Gemma - Gemma actually napped on Tuesday for the first time in weeks. 

After having had such a rough night, Leni was really out of sorts yesterday. She still didn't nap well and last night just passed out in my arms while drinking her last bottle. I woke up this morning to Gemma calling for harmony and realized it was 8:10! Leni hadn't made a peep and I was starting to worry, so I went into her room. She had rolled over onto her belly and was sleeping like that, which she never does. She woke up when I opened the door and stayed up for 3 hours before going back down. Another weird thing this morning is that when Gemma called out for my mom and I went to see her, she had opened the door and was coming out of her room! Until now, she has been afraid to climb down her bed (it's quite tall) and so she would always call out from her bed. But somehow she mustered up the courage to climb down and also managed to turn the doorknob to open the door! 

Hopefully Leni sleeps well again tonight...

New Hair, Dance, and Song

Gemma got her first real haircut! I cut it myself just because her hair is curly and so it's hard to tell if it's crooked or not... LOL... She seems to like it and it's less bothersome on her face, so she's happy. 

She's also started really loving dancing! I will tell you though, she is a TERRIBLE dancer! When she "dances", it barely resembles dancing. I only know that's "dancing" because she tells me so. If an outsider saw it, they would be puzzled for sure as to what she's trying to do... So nice, I know... She's always asking for the music to be turned on and she shrieks and gets SO EXCITED. It's funny. 

I hate to admit it, but we watch a lot of TV in this house. One of Gemma's favorite shows right now is Special Agent Oso - but frankly, she likes ANYTHING on Disney Jr. Yesterday I noticed that she would sing the end words of every sentence in the title song. I remember my little cousin Trinity doing this around Gemma's age and thinking that it was so cute.

Nana and Papa are coming for a visit tomorrow and Gemma is so excited! Leni hasn't seen them since she was a few months old, so I'm sure she won't recognize them, but I just hope she doesn't cry the whole weekend. 

Have a lovely Family Day long weekend with your loved ones!

A Valentine's Surprise

...probably not what you're thinking by the title of this post... but it's very exciting nonetheless!

Leni popped her first TOOTH! 

FINALLY!

seriously it has been long-time coming. With Gemma I remember her gums looked fine one day and then suddenly she had a swollen gums and then poof! there were teeth. Poor Leni's gums have been swollen and white for the last... month or more, always making me think that it's gonna pop out any day now... Well finally one has decided to poke through - which is also funny because Gemma got both teeth at the same time but Leni only has one... 

That was it, however, for Valentine's day surprises for us as Jesse worked late. I did get some nice kinder surprises in the morning and a lovely Justin Bieber card...

Leni - 7 months

I seriously can't help but smile when I see this little girl. She is just so sweet. She isn't temperamental, she isn't fussy, and she is generally content to sit and play for a long time. Of course, when she is tired or hungry, she will let you know! She is honestly the sweetest, cutest little thing I have ever seen. She is cute in a completely different way than Gemma was...

Still no teeth, which is really frustrating because I can feel them, see them, and they are RIGHT THERE, just not making that final push out. At this point, Gemma had her bottom and top front teeth, so it's odd having a toothless 7-month-old. 

She likes to clap with you and open and close her hands with you. She isn't a laugher and it's really hard to get her to laugh. She will squeal and smile, but not laugh. Maybe we're just not funny enough. LOL. 

She also loves to sit with Gemma and watch TV. I know, how awful...

Gemma is finally starting to warm to Leni more. Now, she gets really excited when she hears Leni wake up. She runs to her room, climbs the side of the crib, reaches in to touch Leni, and says "good morning Leni, did you sleep well (in korean)?" She will also give her hugs and kisses goodnight and if Leni fusses while playing because a toy is out of reach, Gemma picks it up and gives it to her. 

No signs of crawling yet, though she has been trying to go more from sitting to belly on purpose (and not just falling over by accident). 

Tomorrow is Valentines Day... wishing you a romantic day with your partners! I know we're not doing anything but...

This night sleeping thing is looking FANTASTIC! hopefully it continues. No peep again last night until the morning, then she went right back to sleep after her bottle. Unfortunately, her naps aren't as great - yesterday she only had one nap of one and a half hours. That's probably why she slept so great... she was freakin exhausted!!!

As Leni grows out of clothes and toys and accessories, I've been selling them like mad. I've sold a lot of clothes, her Bumbo, our Valco stroller and its accessories, the infant car seat, wrap carrier, swing, etc. I just feel like there is TOO MUCH STUFF in this house and Jesse and I know we're done having children, so I just got on the selling bandwagon.... and it's ADDICTING! I'm constantly looking around to see what else I can sell! We have been joking that we're totally screwed if we ever had an "oops" but THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN!!! LOL. oh gosh...

we're off to gymnastics today. have a great thursday!

hate not knowing

2012 may be a crazy year for us Konnerts. There are many things that have been stirred and we're just in the waiting game right now, which is driving us all crazy. I don't want to say exactly what these things are for fear of jinxing them, but I ask for your thoughts and prayers as we attempt to embark on something new. 

Oh and Leni slept great last night. ... and it's Wednesday! my favorite day of the week! (my mom's day off from work, LOL)

Day #3 and Night #4

So yesterday was not too shabby! Leni slept 2+ hours for her morning nap and then had a shorter, maybe 40-minute nap in the late afternoon. She went down for the night around 8:30 (way later than usual) and woke up once around midnight, then quickly settled back to sleep until 7:15 this morning. 

So thus far, this is going alright. According to my blog notes, Gemma took about 10 days to be totally normal again after losing her soother. Leni is adapting way easier than I anticipated (knock on wood). 

Night/Day #2 and Night #3 sans soother

When Jesse and I went to bed, Leni had been sleeping a couple of hours already. I told him I wanted to let her cry tonight and see if she could put herself back to sleep. 

She cried out and I let her go at it for a few minutes, then just went into her room. All she had to do was see me and she turned her head and went quiet. 

The second time she cried out, it was very brief - more like a quick yell - then she was back to sleep without either of us going in there. 

The third time, she yelled out again, but then went back to sleep without us. 

That was it. 

My mom and I went up to Edmonton for the day with Gemma on Sunday and so Jesse was at home with Leni by himself. When we got home, the word was that she slept a total of an hour - obviously not very much. When we got home, he had just put her down for the night and she was screaming. She kept going so he brought her back out and I got to say hello to her and all that and I put her down again 20 minutes later. 

Night #3: No peep until 6:30 AM. This hasn't happened in quite some time and I was very pleasantly surprised when I heard her and found out what time it was.

Today is day #3, so I'll tell you all about it later!

First Day and Night sans Soother

Well, it turned out to be not the best day to start going without the soother. I was busy running errands all day and so my poor mom was stuck at home dealing with Leni. (sorry mom!)

To make long story short, while I was gone, Leni had two 40-minute naps. Shorter than normal, but at least she slept. Mom said she didn't even cry that long (5 minutes maybe??). 

I was nervous to put her down last night, but she went down without much of a fight. Four hours later, she cried out for the first time. I got up, went and stood over her with my hand her on her chest, patting lightly, and shushed her. She turned her head to the side and went back to sleep. 

I thought "well, that was easy". 

Then she started waking up more frequently - 2 hours later, then an hour later, then an hour later again. The same tactic worked each time, but I wanted her to be able to put herself to sleep, so at her last waking, I went in briefly, but left before she fell back asleep. She cried once she saw me leave and kept crying. I let her cry until she fell asleep. She slept longer and woke up to eat early in the morning. Then, she went back to sleep right away and slept another few hours. 

I just put her down for her first nap. I put her down awake, she played in her crib for a bit, then she cried out (kinda) for a few minutes. Now, she must be sleeping because she is quiet. 

So far, so good. Not as easy as it was with Gemma (night-wise), but really not that bad. Woohoo! Hope this continues...

Exhausted

I don't know why I do this to myself. Why do I have to take a happily sleeping baby and put myself through many nights of sheer misery? 

We have a bit of a vicious cycle going on here. Leni "likes" to be swaddled. Actually, she fights me while I swaddle her, but she sleeps wonderfully this way. When she wakes in the middle of the night to find her soother gone, she calls out to us and, like zombies, we get out of bed and pop the soother back in. 

With her teething and all (still no teeth), she has been sleeping more restlessly and seems to wake up more at night, which means she calls out more and more needing her soother back in. 

I, for one, want to take the darn thing away as I did with Gemma at this age. Leni minus soother minus swaddle but sleeping as well as she does = perfect. 

Well, first thing first, we decided to stop swaddling her. And I'm one of those folks where if I start something, gosh darn it, I would like to finish it. I started the unswaddling and the goal is not to give in and swaddle her for a decent nights' sleep. 

With her arms out, she is losing her soother more often because she rubs her face or whatever and she just keeps knocking it out. I sock her hands because we keep the house cold at night and i don't want her hands to freeze and I don't like to see her in the morning with new scratches on her face even though I trim her nails religiously. 

Last night was awful. Actually, this was night #2 and both nights were awful. The first night, we went in still to pop the soother back in - the goal being we wanted her to get used to sleeping unswaddled. Last night, I let her cry for longer because I wanted her to just go to sleep without us popping the dang soother back in. It's a bit annoying to keep hearing "can I go in there?" a million times throughout the night because SOMEONE can't handle a little crying.... anyways, this morning I've made up my mind to take the soother away too. All in one shot. I know Leni is a much slower adjuster than Gemma, so this may prove to be quite difficult. With Gemma, it was surprisingly easy. Actually, I almost don't think Leni will ever fall asleep without the soother, no matter how long I let her cry. A big difference from the first few weeks of her life when she couldn't figure out what to do with it and I kept forcing her to take it. Backfired! 

Anyways, wish me luck. If I never post on here again, it's probably because I ran away.

Goodbye, Reggie

Yes. It's sad, but true. Reggie has gone to a new home. A coworker of mine dog sat for us a few times and she and her husband just fell in love with Reggie. We weren't looking to find a new home for him, but it just turned out to be the best situation. They are a childless couple in their fifties and he gets all the attention he could ever want. They take him for walks every day and play fetch with him for hours on end. He is truly loved there. 

It was a hard decision, but we felt it was best for us all. He was not getting nearly as much attention in this house and, in fact, he would get scolded a lot for barking when the garage door would open because it would scare the bejeebers out of Gemma. Even though he's been around her entire life, his bark would frighten her and she could cry and scream. 

Anyways, he was and is a wonderful dog and we miss him already very much. Thankfully we will still get to see him once in awhile and when Jackie and Larry need it, we can dog-sit for them now. 

We love you, Reggie. You will always be our firstborn. 

Leni - 6 months

She is almost 6-1/2 months, but today was the only day that would work for an appointment. So we had our vaccination appointment in the morning and will be heading out to Leni's 6-month doctor's appointment in an hour or so. 

Everything is looking good - Leni is a whopping 18 lb 7.5 oz, 27-1/4 inches long. All pretty much in the 90th percentile. She handled her shots as well as ... expected. 

After her appointment, i took her to Wal-Mart and she sat in the shopping cart for the first time. Actually, this is only about the second time she's been out to the grocery store. I suppose it's because we're so spoiled .. but it's just so much easier to go out without the kids or with just one kid. I think she enjoyed having so much to look at and with the weather being so nice this week, I might take her out a bit more. 

My baby is growing up so fast!!

Dear God...

We always pray with Gemma before she goes to sleep. Our usual prayer goes something like this:

Dear God, 

Thank you for today. Please watch over mommy, daddy, harmony, Gemma, Leni, and Reggie and give us all a good night's sleep and keep us happy, healthy, and safe. 

Amen. 

We asked Gemma to be the one to say her prayers last night and this is how it went:

Dear God, 

mmmm (something unintelligible)... ummm (again, something unintelligible)...

Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Daisy, Goofy, Pluto.

Amen. 

Someone's been watching too much Disney Junior.

Gymnastics!

I forgot to post about this last week, but last Thursday, Gemma started her gymnastics class! I, for one, had no idea what to expect and felt totally confused when we got there. There was no front desk of sorts and it was a mess of a class ending and people coming in. Thankfully, Gemma's friend, Maeve, was also taking the class, so I didn't have to feel so awkward by myself. 

They started out with a stretching routine that they really make fun for the little kids. Gemma is in a class of 2 to 3-year-olds. Then the class split into two, I'm guessing into the 2-year-olds and 3-year-olds, and the kids went through different stations doing obstacle course-like thing, trampoline, balance beams, bars, and they got to jump/be thrown into a giant pit of foam blocks (I could only cringe at the thought of all the germs in there, to be honest). When the class initially started, Gemma was eager to get going and wanted to just jump on the trampoline, instead of listening to the instructor and doing what she was being told to do. Eventually, she got the idea and I kept encouraging her to look at the teacher. This is the first "structured" class of sorts that Gemma has ever been in, so it was an adjustment for her to have to take turns, have time limits, and follow directions. 

Overall, she had a great time and couldn't stop talking about "nastics" for the rest of the day. It's not something I want her to do competitively, but I just want her to have fun and burn some energy. I feel bad for her most days because she is SUCH an active child and wants to run around and jump around and whatnot and I would rather be at home, mostly on the computer, etc. I feel like many times I force her to adopt the couch-potato habits because there is nothing for her to do... How do you keep your kids active at home? I can't wait til Leni is crawling/walking, as I feel like they will for sure then keep each other entertained. Until then, I better get off my butt and be a good playmate!

Mummy Tummy

I've been doing really well trying to be more active. The weather has been so nice that we've been walking almost daily. We live at the top of a hill, so it's quite the workout pushing nearly 50 lb up this hill. I've been doing yoga again and finally found someone to borrow a VCR from so I can do pilates again (though that proved to be pointless as it turns out all the VHSs were thrown out a while back without my knowledge). 

I took this class called Physiofit for moms back when Leni was just a couple of months old. It's run by a physiotherapist who specializes in new moms to help repair their diastasis recti - abdominal separation. Almost all women develop a diastasis after pregnancy and it significantly weakens your abdominal muscles. I started out with a separation of 4 fingerbreadths and at the end of the session I was at 2, which is a good improvement. The one thing that is very important to note if you have diastasis is YOU SHOULD NOT DO SITUPS. Situps can make your diastasis worse, which, in turn, will make your mummy tummy worse instead of making it go away. Physiofit teaches you how to isolate and contract your deep core muscles to help repair your abdominal wall. 

After I had Gemma, my belly went back to pretty well normal; I used an abdominal binder and that seemed to really help. This time, my belly really looks like a bagel (LOL) and the binder wasn't as effective. I am going to sign up for level 2 of physiofit and hopefully that will help to reduce the diastasis even further. Not that I ever had a "nice" stomach, but it was definitely nicer than it is now!

catching up

I know I've been slacking over here. While I feel like I have so much to blog about, I can't seem to find the time and when I do, I can't seem to put my thoughts in order. So I'm just gonna blab on...

Leni is gonna be 6 months old in 2 days. She is sitting up unsupported and eating very well (though still not the solid foods champ that her sister was... but that's a hard title to beat). She is drinking about 30 oz in 24 hours and eating once or twice a day. I definitely chose the wrong time to wean, I think, as I have no idea what I'm doing when it comes to formula and I hope I'm giving her enough/not too much. Only about three out of the five bottles she will actually finish. Also, her poop is a dark green and I've been told this is normal, but it's still really freaky (sorry if that was TMI). I can't wait to see the nurse next week and have a major formula talk. 

Gemma is ... well, she is a delight, of course, but getting more challenging at times. The other night she woke up screaming her head off. When I went in, she just tried to hit me and threw a huge temper tantrum. I tried to just hold her and calm her down and when she did, she asked for Jesse, so then he took care of her after that. He ended up crawling into bed with her for a couple of hours (that's how long it took for her to settle down). I wonder if she had a bad dream about me? 

Gemma starts gymnastics today and I'm curious to see how this goes. All I've had so far has been positive feedback, so I hope Gemma really likes it. 

Now that I'm not breastfeeding anymore, I've decided to really work at losing the baby weight. I also feel like such a weakling having been so deconditioned for the last many years, having such a sedentary job. I want to be more active and just fit - don't have to be "skinny", just fit. Of course, skinny would be nice too. In my mind I want to lose about 25 lb and I can't remember the last time I weighed that... maybe junior high? LOL. Okay, 25 lb might be a bit unrealistic, but at least to the lower average weight of the last 5 years... which would be 15 lb less. That seems a bit more doable. This is more than just a New Year's resolution and so I hope it sticks. 

[Untitled]

I hesitated whether I should even blog about this, knowing just how personal it is. However, as I've stated many times before, this blog serves mostly as my personal record-keeper and, therefore, I feel I must be honest for when, in the future, I want to look back. 

You may or may not know that I struggled big time with my emotions during my pregnancy with Leni. Right from the moment I found out I was pregnant, I had mixed feelings, even though it was very much a planned pregnancy and definitely a wanted one. That is how my first trimester went - not sure how I felt about the whole thing. That in itself made me feel so guilty... like why wasn't I elated like I was with Gemma?? 

Second trimester came along and I lost the ability to contain any emotion. If I was happy, I was happy. If I was angry, I would completely lose it. If I was sad, I wanted to die. But I wasn't feeling down ALL the time and the main issue was my anger, not depression, and I sought help with the community nurse who dealt exclusively with pregnant/postpartum women. Unfortunately, I found her to be very unhelpful and felt I could do things better on my own. Things eventually settled down and by the third trimester, I was feeling more in control again. 

Fast forward to Leni's birth and you know how traumatizing it was for me, though most people have said I was lucky that I didn't end up with a C-section. Whatever. I had a really hard time bonding with Leni for the first couple of months and, in fact, resented her for taking time away from Gemma and blamed her for Gemma's bad behavior/outcries for attention. 

But as Leni got older and began to interact more, flash me that adorable gummy smile and squeal with delight at my presence, my heart warmed to her. I started to understand the saying "I love all my kids the same" and began to feel that way. 

Somewhere along the way, however, my anger issues crept back up. I was inappropriately reacting to everything that was not to my liking (and you can imagine, a 2-year-old rarely does things "to my liking") and my mood was affecting my entire family. I hated the person I would become when I became agitated, but I couldn't stop myself. I was rationalizing with myself even in the "heat of the moment", telling myself I'm overreacting whatnot, but I couldn't physically stop the diarrhea of hurtful words coming out of my mouth. I couldn't make my body do what my mind wanted to do. 

I grew up with a verbally and physically abusive father and I don't want to be that person to my children or my husband. I don't want my children to live in fear of me or have the whole household adjust to one of my moods. I knew I needed help and BAD, but I wanted to hold off on any medical treatment, if necessary, until I weaned Leni at approximately 9-10 months, the same length of time I breastfed Gemma. 

Unfortunately, things got to the point where I knew the help needed to come sooner rather than later, before Gemma became permanently traumatized or was able to remember my being so angry. So after a lengthy discussion with Jesse, we decided weaning Leni would be the best decision in case I needed medical help or even to see if the hormones returning to normal would help ME return to normal. 

Leni was weaned very abruptly - within 48 hours she went from nursing five times a day to none. I had begun the pill to help dry me up (and that wasn't working as quickly as I had anticipated) and I didn't want the hormones passing through the milk. Physically, I was in a lot of pain and only pumped as little as I could just for some relief. Unbeknownst to me at the time, abrupt weaning makes for some serious hormonal imbalances, and I spiraled into a deep and dark depression. 

All I wanted to do was lay in bed and cry, not eat, not go anywhere. My boobs hurting would remind me of the guilt I felt for having to wean. Just looking at Leni was hard as her face would remind me of the guilt. I hated myself for being such a shitty and horrible mother to Gemma that I had to be a shitty and horrible mother to Leni and wean her to help me not be such a shitty and horrible mother. I convinced myself that she wasn't smiling for me anymore and that she no longer recognized me as her mother. I didn't want anyone to talk to me or come near me. I just wanted to run away and kill myself. 

Because of Christmas holidays, Jesse was off for the week and my mom was home most of the week, so they looked after the girls. They gave me plenty of sympathy and pretty well left me alone to deal with my emotional trauma. They didn't complain when I announced I would not be making turkey dinner on Christmas morning. They were uber supportive and let me be, even though I wonder if deep down they weren't annoyed and wanted me to snap out of it already...

It's been 12 days since I last nursed Leni and my boobs have returned back to normal. My mood has improved and I am noticing that the things that bothered me so much just a few weeks ago don't affect me as much. I am hoping that with my hormones going back to normal I can shake off this prenatal/postpartum depression for good and get back to my old, less crazy self. Hopefully I can do this on my own and not need any pharmacotherapy. I am finally allowing myself to accept that what's done is done, the breastfeeding is over, and at least she had 5+ months of it.... actually, I thought I accepted it, but just as I'm typing this, my eyes are welling up with tears...

2011 had a rough end for me, but I hope my choices will bring a brighter 2012. I hope I can be the parent I dreamed of being and all that the girls will ever feel from me are love and support, that they will never know what it is like to live with an angry/abusive mother, that they will one day want to be the kind of mother I was to them... That sounds like a lot of wishful thinking, but a person can hope... right?