week 2 - gone

I always tell my friends who have babies to enjoy the newborn stage because it goes by so stinkin fast. That first week sure went slowly, but this last one flew by. 

It's amazing how different Leni and Gemma are already. I would like to say that so far Leni is the "easier" of the two - she sleeps a lot and loves the car seat, and now that we have breastfeeding down pat, all is going well. In fact, we may even attempt HP7 on the weekend with Leni and I'm optimistic that things will go well! (wouldn't have dreamed of taking Gemma to the theatre as a baby for fear of getting banned for life!)

I've stopped pumping at the advice of the LC. I had Leni weighed at 12 days and at that time she weighed 90 g above her birth weight! Her color is good (no more yellow baby) and because I was pumping about 3.5 oz per side, the LC said I could start feeding Leni to appetite and not forcing her to eat (and they wanted me to go on motilium????!?!?!?!??!). She is eating much better and sleeping well also at night. She seems to have her day/night mixed up, so yesterday I spent the day trying to nurse her often and keep her awake more. She slept much better last night. 

Gemma has also come around and loves me once again! Yay! I can't tell you what a big, HUGE relief that is. 

I'm looking forward to the long weekend and having Jesse home one extra day. Have a good one!

Leni's Origin

I think deciding on Leni's name was one of the hardest things ever! At the hospital, we had to fill out a registration of her birth before we were allowed to leave and so had to decide on a name before we could get out of there! Finally, our discharge nurse helped us decide between two names literally minutes before leaving the hospital.

But to go back a few steps...

Back even when I was pregnant with Gemma, Jesse and I fiddled around with the idea of somehow combining our moms' names - Ellen and In Sook. With Gemma, we thought about giving her the middle name "Ellin" (to be pronounced like "Ellen"), but we decided to give her a Korean name for a middle name instead. 

With Leni, we went through lists and lists of names. When we thought we had decided on one, we soon found ourselves not crazy about the name just a few short weeks after. I was determined to rhyme the girls' Korean names (it's a very common thing to do in Korea - tacky here, not tacky there - in fact, it represents a sense of "siblinghood"). Ari was a name we loved from since before Gemma was born and so we knew that would be the middle name. 

Back to the first name - We once again played around with combining our moms' names and came up with: Ellin (again) and Elin (pronounced Ee-Lin, like Tiger Woods' ex-wife). Not crazy about either, it was by coincidence that Leni came about. It takes the first two letters of our moms' names spelled backwards (LE from Ellen and NI from In Sook) and seemed like a good fit. 

It took a bit of convincing for Jesse, but obviously he eventually came around. It also worked out perfectly in that it's easy for my mom and the rest of my family to pronounce and has a nice meaning of "light". Ari means beautiful, so in a way, Leni's name means "beautiful light". 

and that is how Leni became Leni.

Week 1 - gone

I think the first week home with a newborn is the slowest week ever. I think it was the same way with Gemma. The lack of sleep, the challenges of breastfeeding, the getting-to-know-them stage, all compounded with physical recovery which at times seems will never come... But alas, the week has passed and already the last couple days has flown by. It must mean things are looking up - and they are!

Leni's jaundice is pretty well gone. She does have some residual yellowing of her eyes and a bit on her face, but the doctor checked her out and said she looked great. 

She's also eating off the boob! Hooray! I am hoping this can mean the end of pumping (unless i choose to do it for going out or something). 

Here's something i don't understand though. Leni is eating about as much as I make (or pump, for that matter). For example, I can pump 3 oz easily now (total) from both sides and that is how much she eats. I don't know why the nurse and the doctor are all suggesting I go on motilium to try to increase my milk supply - and to quote them - so that I can "feed the neighborhood". I really don't want an oversupply again. I want just a good balance. Maybe that will just mean Leni will just be a skinnier kid than Gemma is - is there something wrong with that? I mean she's not starving for Pete sakes!

Even saying that, she is gaining weight and as she gets fatter, she is looking more and more different from her sister. Her skin is darker, her hair line is different, her nose is bigger, she already has the eyelids, and her face is a bit rounder... they are both so beautiful in their own little ways...

In other news, I am feeling good. Yesterday I had a terrible cramp that sent me to Urgent Care, but all is good. No infection or hemorrhage, just a spasm i guess of the uterus (it hurt so bad, i was rolling on the floor in tears and hyperventilating). I will tell you this - a speculum exam a week after having given birth SUCKS. 

I've lost 20 lb, so i have another 20 to go (stupid ice cream and cupcakes). My once terribly swollen feet are now back to normal. 

Gemma seems to be coming around slowly.... very slowly.... I am trying to spend more one-on-one time with her, which seems to help.

Next week Jesse is back at work and I wonder how things will go... At least my mom is still off work to help me out... Thanks mom... couldn't do this without you...

She's a Winner!

Jesse took Gemma to the teddy bear picnic yesterday morning and *she* correctly guessed the number of gummy bears in a jar, so she won a teddy bear!

Yellow Baby

Leni's been hit with some jaundice. On Monday Jesse noticed the whites of her eyes were looking a bit yellowish. He took her into the health centre to get a weight as suggested by the nurse on Saturday, so when he was there, he got the nurses to look at her and they agreed she had a mild case of jaundice. I let the nurse know over the phone that she was a very sluggish eater and we were having difficulty keeping her awake during feeds and so she sent another nurse to our home the next day. 

Tina, the home visit nurse, came and said Leni's jaundice had really progressed; when her jaundice was down to her chest the day before, it was now to the tips of her toes. After watching me feed Leni and hearing the story of her birth and the first few days postpartum, Tina came to the conclusion that I was not making enough milk. 

Me? The 6 oz per boob with Gemma me??? Not enough milk? When i'm eating soup by the potfuls (literally) each day and drinking like crazy? 

Yup. That me. 

It's true that I had stayed away from the pump this time in order to avoid being engorged for 6 weeks straight. I was hoping that Leni could just nurse off me and we would have a balanced supply and demand situation. But I guess being as sluggish as she is on the boob, she wasn't stimulating me enough to make more milk and so my body was just doing what it was told. 

New plan: Pump. like crazy. Get as much milk as I can into this baby so she will pee and poop this jaundice out. That is the first thing - getting rid of the jaundice. 

So overnight, I've been pumping and forcing Leni to eat as much as 2.5 oz per feeding - which means right now most of the time i have to supplement with formula because I'm only making about 2 oz at most. She has done well and even though sometimes it is hard to keep her awake still while she eats, she has been able to finish most of the 2.5 oz each time. This is huge, seeing how even 36 hours ago i could hardly get her to finish an ounce. Unfortunately, she is still very lazy at the boob and most of the time will just sit there with my boob in her mouth, not sucking. Let me tell you, it is incredibly frustrating going from a voracious eater like Gemma to Leni. 

So please pray for us that this jaundice will be gone very soon, as it has been sticking around longer than it should. I know that in most cases jaundice is quite harmless, but there are cases where it can actually cause brain damage if it's severe. Please pray for our little Leni... thank you...

The First Few Days

As you know, Leni was born on Thursday morning and we were discharged home on Friday morning (she wasn't even 24 hours old yet). I was so very anxious to go home as this time the nurses really got on my nerves. They were nice and all, but even though I had explained to them over and over again that I was anticipating nursing troubles and didn't want to stress about it and that I had a plan for nursing once I got home, they would not leave me alone. I was eager to get home to start feeding my baby without being constantly pecked at by these crazy women...

You may know that I have had tremendous issues nursing Gemma in the first few weeks until I got the help of a nipple shield. Then, i was able to nurse her until she was 5 months, at which point i no longer needed the shield, and then I weaned her at 10 months when I went back to work. 

Well once again, the nipple shield is just what the doctor ordered. Leni is a very sluggish and drowsy little feeder and the biggest challenge right now is trying to keep her awake. She also at first was quite resistant to the silicone (and won't even take a soother as much as I try), but she is getting better at recognizing that this thing equals food. 

Leni sleeps SOOOO much. I really honestly don't remember Gemma being this sleepy, but it could just be that I have forgotten. Unfortunately, her little spurt of alertness seems to come at night, which is exhausting for Jesse and me. 

and how's Gemma doing? She really is intrigued by her sister and seeing her always makes Gemma smile. If she hears that we are going to change Leni, she brings us one of her old diapers. We try to make sure that one of us grownups is always focused on Gemma, so she doesn't feel left out in any way. Unfortunately, the strict Korean postpartum rituals that my mom has imposed upon me doesn't allow for much when it comes to me spending time with Gemma - no picking her up, no going outside. And she has shown the classic symptom of older sibling regression by peeing her pants three times in the last 2 days when she hasn't had an accident in weeks.

I have to tell you that I feel tremendously guilty whenever Gemma asks me to pick her up and I can't or she specifically wants me to come with her to show me something or do something with her when I am nursing Leni and I can't go with her. Each pee accident makes me think I've caused her to do that and I wonder if she feels betrayed by me. Yesterday, she came out of the bathroom after going potty and when i started to applaud her, she came RUNNING towards me yelling "umma (mom)" and gave me the biggest, tightest hug. Maybe it's the postpartum hormones, but I couldn't stop crying after that. 

Anyways, I should try to get some rest while both kids are napping.

Leni's Birth Story

What a whirlwind couple of days... My last post was about how discouraging that last appointment was and yet the membrane stripping really worked it seems (plus the spicy soup i had for dinner and the praying, of course). I went into labor 9 hours later and had Leni the next morning!

So to start, I started to have crampy contractions around 9 PM, but I wasn't sure if it was just from the membrane stripping or if i was actually in labor. They were not yet uncomfortable and were coming around 7-10 minutes apart, so I thought okay, maybe there is a possibility, but didn't get my hopes up. I went to bed at 10 PM and woke up at midnight to go to the bathroom and when I tried to sleep again, I found myself having to breathe through these contractions. I tried to sleep as best as I could in between, but that was rather difficult. Finally, I just sat in the kitchen and fiddled around on the computer a bit. My mom saw me and asked me why i wasn't sleeping and I told her i was having crampy contractions, but i thought they were more from the appointment earlier and not the real deal. She went to bed and I once again tried to get some shut-eye. 

At 3 AM or so, I woke Jesse up to tell him I think I'm in labor and he couldn't believe it. I was sleeping in the downstairs living room for the last couple of weeks on the couch because i couldn't lay flat on the bed anymore and so he didn't know i was up and about for hours already. He stayed up with me for a little while, but I told him to go back to bed because he was annoying me more than anything (oh the joys of a woman in labor, LOL)...

Finally, around 6 AM, i am tired and these contractions are getting very, very frequent, about 2-3 minutes apart, but not lasting that long - maybe 45 seconds? and I was having good pain-free breaks in between. We packed up the rest of our bag and I had a quick shower and we headed to the hospital. 

Once we got there, the nurse didn't hesitate one moment to check me because the contractions were so close together and the fact that this is my second baby. I told her I'm expecting her to give me bad news, that i'm 3 cm maybe. She checked me and said "well, i have no bad news... you're 7 cm and fully effaced. Let's get you admitted and into the Labor Room".

"What?" - Jesse and Me at the same time...

I was only praying that i was at least 4 cm so they could give me an epidural and never expected her to tell me i was so far along. I hopped into the shower and though i was close to being fully dilated, i asked for an epidural (good foresight on my part, as you will read below).

I was in the shower for maybe 30 minutes when they came back to check me and I was like a good 8 or more. Dr. Walsh, the anesthesiologist, came and did my epidural (which was a lot more discomforting than I remember). Right away as soon as the medication went in, i could tell that it wasn't done very well as my entire left leg went numb pretty quickly, but not my right leg. In fact, there was like an area of the size of my hand around my right lower belly that had complete feeling and so every contraction was a full-fledged painful one in that spot. I didn't mind so much though because it really helped me to feel every contraction and know when it was coming and happening (unlike with Gemma initially)...

It wasn't long after that I was checked and was like 9 cm. The delivery doctor was Dr. Lukwinski, the same doc who did my membrane stripping the day before. She beamed when she came into the room and said she was so happy to hear i had been admitted (and was so proud of her membrane-stripping skills, LOL). She said although i was so close to being fully dilated, the baby was still at high station. She broke my water and so much gushed out and helped to bring Leni's head down a bit. She said once I start to feel pressure to push, she would come back and we could start pushing. 

Not long after, I began to feel some pressure and so the nurse, after checking me and finding that I was fully dilated, encouraged me to do some practice pushes. You hear of these second-time moms who pop their kids out in two pushes whatnot and because i didn't have too much trouble with Gemma, I was feeling pretty confident - but still very nervous. 

I pushed and pushed and nothing was happening. Dr. Lukwinski came and said while I was pushing correctly, the baby's head wasn't budging at all. She thought maybe Leni was "sunny side up" (facing up instead of down) and that was why I was having troubles moving her down. They monitored things constantly and encouraged me to try different positions, including standing and squatting, to see if gravity could help things along. When nothing was helping, being an OB/GYN, Dr. Lukwinski started throwing all kinds of things at me, a scalp electrode, a vacuum, episiotomy, then C-section. I was not happy with the electrode (it's a little device they clip on to the baby's head to monitor its heart rate), but I felt like I had no choice in the matter really and so consented to it. At one point, Leni's heart rate dropped to 50 or so and I started to show fresh blood, which possibly meant that the placenta was detaching itself prematurely. She said we try the vacuum and I completely lost it. I began crying and, to not help matters at all, she said if the vacuum doesn't work, we have to do a C-section. I couldn't even push any further at this point because i was so busy bawling my eyes out. Her heart rate had dropped, but only ONCE, and that never happened again. I was so upset that she was suggesting something that seemed so drastic after one episode. Again, I felt like she gave me no choice in the matter, so the vacuum went on. 

I guess Leni's head was kind of swollen from my useless pushes and she had a hard time getting that vacuum on. THANK GOODNESS i had opted for an epidural because to stop things now and get me an epidural so i could get this giant thing up my hoo-ha would have SUCKED. She said she was only allowed to do three pulls with the vacuum and if that didn't work, well... you know where she was going with that. Two pulls later, she shut the vacuum off and actually I got to push Leni out from her head. Apparently her head was just tilted a bit and so the vacuum just straightened it out. After that, I pushed her out on my own. I guess a lot of vacuum deliveries pull the entire baby out, but with me, i was lucky enough that it just guided the head down in the right direction and i was able to give birth to her myself. 

They cut her cord (poor Jesse had no choice in the matter, apparently) and put her right on me. I was crying so hard that I couldn't even look at her. I was overwhelmed with the feeling of guilt of not being able to push her out on my own and having to put her through all this extra trauma when birth itself is so traumatic. I cried and I cried and Jesse was also bawling when I looked over at him. She didn't cry a whole lot right away and I was so scared to look at her. When I finally was able to look at her, I immediately thought "holy cow, she looks like Gemma" and then I almost started to laugh. I said that to Jesse and he agreed and also started to laugh. It was a very odd moment. LOL. 

Well, there you go. That's how Leni Ari Konnert came into this world, weighing 7 lb 10 oz (just like her sister) and 21-1/4 inches long. I am feeling well and surprisingly only needed two stitches with a very minor, minor tear. Thank goodness I didn't need an episiotomy and didn't need to go further than the vacuum. I am just happy that she is here and seemingly healthy. She had some swelling of her head initially, but even by this morning, it was mostly gone. She is so beautiful and we couldn't be happier to be home with our precious little girl.

worst appointment ever

My weekly appointment was scheduled for 11:40 this morning. I got there just a couple of minutes early and was to see either Dr. Killam or Dr. Hart, neither docs I have seen before. I didn't get into the examining room until 12:30 and even after that, didn't see anyone until 1:10. The door to my exam room was open and i could hear the docs and their students standing around next door and talking about...

pizza. 

what kind should we order? how many? i'm good with anything, as long as it doesn't have pineapple... i'm allergic to mushrooms. do you think they will deliver to the hospital? should we get larges or mediums? etc.

that was for 20 minutes. 

then finally at 1:10, to my disappointment, a student walks in. She is very friendly and nice, but not who i want to see after sitting here for an hour and a half. She does all the usual blood pressure, heartbeat, fundal height... then she has to go get the doctor who will do it all over again. The doctor takes another 10 minutes to get in and then leaves again for me to get undressed so i can have my membranes stripped. It's not even one of the two docs i was supposed to see - a Dr. Lukwinski, never heard of her. Didn't even know she was one of the docs of the clinic. 

She asks me some dumb questions (one of them being, "you had your membranes done last week? and it didn't work?".... obviously not, i'm still here, aren't i??) but did what seemed like a very thorough membrane sweep (she went around like 4 times and had plenty of blood to show me afterward).

Anyways, that was it. Next week I'm scheduled to see one of my favorites, but who knows if it will actually be her.... who knows if i will make it to that appointment?? 

Oh and there was pretty much no progress. cervix is feeling soft and i'm maybe 2 cm, but still high up and posterior. Maybe I'll make it to see Harry Potter this weekend....

Sleep, Wind, Progress?

I don't know what is wrong with me today, but i can't seem to wake up. I heard Gemma at 7 AM this morning and i let her just play in her crib and slept in until 8 AM. Then, as soon as my mom got home, i went back to sleep from 10:30 til 12:30, then once Gemma went down for a nap at 1:30, I went for a nap too and just woke up (and HAD to wake up because my mom was off to an appointment). Even now, I feel like I'm in a dream world, like I'm still half asleep. 

It's been so hot lately, I brought up a fan from the basement and we have it on in the evenings in the living room. Gemma has always had this crazy love for wind (perhaps because she was born during the worst storm of the decade!) and she just loves the fan. Yesterday, she finished eating early and was getting restless in her high chair, so I let her out to just play in the living room. She kept going to the fan, trying to "catch" some wind, and then bring it to us saying "ta-da" (which is what she says instead of "here you go"). It was so cute. 

With 10 days to go until my due date, nothing is really happening. I guess (TMI) I have been losing bits of my mucus plug, but no regular contractions of any kind or any other sign that this baby may make an early entrance. Again, it's okay. I just hope she isn't so late that I will need an induction. 

We went to the Stampede on Saturday morning just to check it out and eat some corn dogs. Gemma really couldn't care less about the midway (she was too busy playing with her stroller buckles) and we spent $80 on admission, parking, and three corn dogs and a bag of mini donuts and we weren't even there 2 hours. It was the first stampede for all of us and I don't know if it was worth the $80. LOL. Guess i need to be more of a cowgirl or at least not be 38 weeks preggers.

Taemong

A taemong is a korean dream of conception. I've written about it when i was pregnant with Gemma and you can read about the nature of these dreams and also what I dreamt at the time here. With Gemma, the dreams came before we even knew the gender, so it was neat (and the dreams were right). 

With this baby, I never had a dream. Neither did my mom nor Jesse (but that's rather to be expected). Yesterday, though, my mom was on the phone with my grandma in Korea who told her that she had my taemong dream. This is what she told us:

I dreamt I was in the mountains and I dug up a bellflower root. It was such a beautiful root with beautiful green foliage. 

I know we already know this baby is a girl (well, 99% sure anyway, though i guess we'll be 100% sure when the baby is born), but it's still really neat to hear that my grandma had the dream for me. My grandma said that typically root dreams tend to mean a boy, but this root was so strikingly beautiful, it means a girl. 

I love that both of my children will have these stories to be told to them when they are older. Neat, huh?

38 weeks

I am officially done work today! Yay! I've really been looking forward to this day for a long time. Strangely, I've been feeling really good these last couple of days - physically and emotionally. I am not in so much pain and in fact i feel better than i've felt in well over a month. I can sleep okay and other than this blistering heat, I am coping alright, i think. And because I'm not in the physical discomfort that i was in just even a week ago, I feel like I'm in no hurry to have this baby come out. In fact, I hope she comes closer to her due date just so I can really enjoy this week with Gemma. 

But i will tell you about my appointment today. 

Nothing is happening progress-wise. I'm not having any prelabor symptoms and the cervix is still posterior, thick, and I'm maybe 1 cm, which pretty much means nothing for a person who's had a baby before. He did strip my membranes, but I'm not having any cramping or contractions of any kind, no spotting, nada. But again, i'm cool with that. I am sooooo excited for this next week!

Ramblings

So we've been going out the last 3 days with the toilet seat adapter on hand and it has been really great. Gemma has been telling us "pee" when she needs to go and she has had no issues using the adapter. It sure makes life easier, knowing we can go just about anywhere as long as there is a bathroom nearby. So far, no accidents away from the house. I hope it continues to be this way. 

I have no idea why, but Gemma has been obsessed with babies lately. She sees babies while we're out and she just gets so excited. She points out every single baby from real-life babies to baby dolls to pictures of babies and just loves babies right now. I hope this means she will love the baby that will be coming home in a few weeks...

I feel like i'm going to be pregnant forever. I can't imaging myself going into labor in the next 2.5 weeks and i feel like i will literally be pregnant forever. I am excited for my appointment on Thursday when i will get checked and have my membranes stripped, but i have to remind myself to be ready for "bad news" (as in i'm not progressing in the slightest). I myself am also getting excited to meet this little one and see what she looks like and am crossing my fingers that all that chocolate and ice cream in the last month or so won't result in a 10+ pound baby... stupid me. 

We are back to being stuck on a name. We had our ah-ha! moment, but for reasons i may explain later, i am kind of hesitant to go with it. I really like another name, but Jesse is a bit hesitant about that one. So we are now kind of at a stand still... again... sigh...

Going through all of Gemma's newborn stuff and unpacking newborn diapers and such, i can't believe what a big girl Gemma is now. She will be 19 months old in 2 days and i wonder where that time has gone! She is  such a smart, loving, funny, beautiful little person full of surprises for me each and every day. I really can't wait to see how she does with her new baby sister. 

That's all for now!

and... what happened?

i packed with us two extra sets of clothes, a couple of pull-ups just in case, a few extra panties, and a towel. 

and guess what? we needed to use none of those things! 

we stopped at the mall before going to supper just to kill some time. as soon as we got there, i took her to the family washroom and put her on her toilet seat adapter. She peed right away, as if she was doing this her whole life! of course, some of the pee went straight out, but hey, that's okay. then she peed again when we were leaving the restaurant, again on her seat adapter. 

i think this means we can start going out with her now! i'm sure there will be accidents to come until we figure out just how much time we have between her telling us she has to go and her actually going... but i think this is working!!!

Taking the Plunge

Since we started the potty training process now a month ago, poor Gemma has been pretty well housebound. We've made short excursions to the playground, the grocery store, the pool, etc., but she hasn't been in Calgary in a month, forget the 3.5 drive to Edmonton. We are kind of in a dilemma because I'm not sure what to do with her when taking her out of the house, far away from the house. So far, we haven't had accidents while we've been out, but we make sure she pees before we leave and try to be back within an hour, just in case. Because she hasn't mastered the toilet seat adapter and because we still don't know exactly how much time we have after she says "potty" or "pee" until she actually pees, we've been afraid to take her out anywhere. 

Today, we are going to bite the bullet. We are planning on going out for supper as a family into the city and figure we have to do this at one point or another. Of course we will pee her before we leave, try once we get there and before we leave the restaurant. I'll take the seat adapter and cross my fingers that she will be willing to use it IF ONLY in public, but also take the potty, just in case. Not to mention a change of clothes and maybe a towel for the car. 

I know that a pull-up may be useful in situations like this, but really what difference is there between a pull-up and a diaper?

Wish us luck.